This is unfinished. I typed this out on my phone while I was sitting in a clinic waiting room earlier today. Every now and then, I find myself sitting somewhere, feeling overwhelmed about life, and I type it out. I decided to share this one because I haven't been so emotionally conflicted in a long time. The last few weeks have been such a roller coaster ride. Every time I thought I had it in control, I didnt. Anyhoo, here are my cut and pasted thoughts, spelling and grammatically incorrect and all:
I shouldnt have written that fucking email.
I want to be happy and make you happy too.
I have plenty of issues and will never be perfect, so I dont expect you to meet an unfair standard. I understand that you have to take the good with the bad...Im still trying to figure that out actually. How much bad can I accept? Does the good outweigh the bad? Am I being foolishly impulsive again? So many things I dont know how to answer.
The very few things that I do know are that I am ridiculously in love with you and...I have had such great times with you in the last 5 months. Im sorry for many things, known and unknown. Im also not sorry for many things as well. This is literally the lowest and highest part of my adult life. I know I have put you through the ringer, but these are the cards that have been dealt to me and I am doing all that I can do. I would like to say you deserve better, but I know regardless of my living situation, I am very valuable. I know my worth.
but of course I want you to be here for my rebound. That, I know, you deserve.
I haven't cried about this and I dont want to. I just want to figure it all out and progress.
Its just so hard when it doesnt come easy."
Posts
3 comments:
Oh no! I am sad to hear you are going through a rough patch. I really hope things work out soon. You have been through a lot since moving and I know you are ready for some stability.
Keep your head up.
I would Like to thank you for sharing this with us. I smile that your'e able to use this blog to release some of your inner tension.
Reading your words is so different from everyone else. You understand so much about your self and about Life, situations and complications.
But you never Give up... You Just never. You always Go at it again. your'e a Strong Man Mikey and I draw inspiration from you.
I share such insignificant things on my blog. I never really let people in. And with you expressing yourself... I can say that fear is Gone.
I believe your genuinely a Great Man. You'll get it together... The pieces will start fitting eventually.
OMG... WE HAVE SOME SIMILAR FEELINGS ! I RESPECT YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND SAY. YOU URGE ME TO START A BLOG ABOUT MY LIFE/PROBLEMS AS WELL!
Post a Comment