Its not personal, but I don't like you like that..

...and I do not want to date you. Maybe you can take it personal, and you have every right to..but right now I am not into dating. I'm not even really into "hooking up" either. I do have "needs"..but they aren't important anymore. Those "needs" are a bit of a bother and sometimes require too much work. You are attractive, but I have other stuff that is occupying my time.

I appreciate your compliments...they never get old..but I still don't want to date you. Or him.

That's how I feel right about now. I just don;t want to be fucking bothered with guys right now (the swearing part is not supposed to sound angry..but I swear quite often when I speak. I'm not mad! lol). I actually have been kind of distant from my friends as well. This year I set off on this self improving journey and I have made some huge progress. I am very proud of myself for the things that I have done this year, but the more I accomplish the more work I see that has to be done. Its a bit unsettling, but not discouraging. At least I do not believe it to be.

I decided to try therapy to see if I could get anything out of it. I went to one appointment and half way thru it, I felt that I maybe didn't have to be there. Therapy would have been ideal in my teenage years or early 20's...shit..last year would have been good too. I have a few more appointments that I will use up before I make a final decision. The therapist asked me why I chose to try therapy..I was honest and told her that I realized that people are capable of change if they choose it...and I am choosing to change. I went on to tell her that I am an example against the common belief that people never change. I am not the same person I was this time last year. That Mikey was a very sad and lonely person. He also drank too much. lol

I expressed that I am willing to try anything a few times to see if it benefits not just the problems on the surface, but maybe even the way I process my thoughts and emotions. She seemed impressed..but it was my first time really doing something like this..so she could have been pacifying my ego.

Lets see...what else. Yes! how horrible is this karma?

e[10:47 PM]: so tell me about that guy u went out with
[10:48 PM]: was he ugly
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: no
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: he was ok
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: its so weird
[10:49 PM]: y?
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: and another reason why i want to move more..
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: he tried to holla at me literally 10 years ago..when i was 18
[10:50 PM]: oh wow!
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: he was like 21
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: but he dissed me for somebody else
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: in a very shady way
[10:50 PM]: ahhhhhhhh
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: but that was 10 years ago..
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: im not mad
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: im passed that..but yeah..
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: he hit me up...and was sweating me to meet up with him
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: and u know what? although i dont hold any grudges against him...
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: i just think he is apart of my past..
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: and i want it to stay there
G0Mikey [10:52 PM]: no hard feelings..but u know...this time around..im the one thats not into u
G0Mikey [10:52 PM]: and im trying to tell him that without sounding shady
[10:52 PM]: awwww
[10:53 PM]: true
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: he called me earlier and i looked at my phone...
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: and i was like..yuck
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: and i felt bad
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: but im not going to lead him on the way he did to me
[10:53 PM]: yeah exactly

I really need to stay off those gay cruisy sites! lol

Oh yeah...Happy Holidays. ;)