Always in my Heart.

This was written on Monday night while I was on the bus coming back from

Boston:

As I sit on this bus, I'm thinking of how my past has created my present and how grateful I am. All the good and all of the bad has added up to this.

I spent 5 days in Boston because my grandfather lost his battle to cancer. That man raised me, so it's been rough. Growing up, my biological father was never in the picture, so my grandfather filled that void. He was not the perfect father, but he truly was enough and he loved me so much. Anything I needed, I had. He really was an 'all action and no talk' kind of man. Its a hard trait to come by, and I always respected it.

My grandfather was the definition of selfless. He gave and gave and gave and never asked for anything in return. With 3 decades of military service, he had soldiers at his burial along with the American flag draped over his coffin. The soldiers folded the flag and then gave it to my beautiful grandmother.

I want to say that I'm done mourning and ready to celebrate his life, but that's not true. It's a process and seeing his coffin get lowered into the ground did something to my soul. Death is inevetible, but it never gets easier to digest...especially when somebody close to your heart, passes on.

I have conflicting emotions. I feel energized because I want to use this as a way be a stronger person, but I also feel a little fragile. With that being said, I will take this opportunity to push on with more zest and I want to cherish the time I have on this planet. Life isn't that serious. One of the few beauties of a funeral service, is that you get to see people in your family that you haven't seen in awhile. As dysfunctional as my family is, they are so beautiful and I love them. Usually in small doses, but love nonetheless. ;)

Here are some pictures I would like to share. My family is a little bit of everything. Jewish, Jamaican, Cambodian and more. (And of course my amazing extended family, Marie, Harvey and Daland, were present.)

RIP Angel L. Colon

August 22, 1935 - March 10, 2010

I love you Papi,

Michael

xoxo

Birthday Love.

Feb 15th, was my birthday, but I celebrated it on Feb 12th at the F-Word (at Rebel Nightclub). A great time was had by all. I had over 40 people present, but I was much too drunk to get them all on camera! 5 shots of Patron and I missed the Daisy Spurs, Adam Lambert, Sahara Davenport and Rebecca Glasscock! If you don't know who any of those people are, google'em! ;)

Thanks again to everybody who came out to party with me.

xoxo

13 Days

13 days ago I moved away from everything that I knew and landed in NYC.  All of my most important possessions were placed in many boxes, both big and small, loaded into a Uhaul truck and driven to my new home in Brooklyn. It was an emotional process for me being that I had lived in that apartment for the last 5 years. That place is legendary in my mind and heart. I grew so much there and although I am happy to be gone, I will miss it.

However, I didn't get to bring everything. One of the most important things was left behind: my baby girl, Nina. I got a lump in my throat just typing that. My new place doesn't accept dogs, so I left her in good hands until I can figure out how to bring her to me. She is my heart, my companion and one of the greatest loves of my life. I made sure to record our last walk on my phone and I watch it everyday. It brings me great joy. In due time and with much prayer, I will have my baby girl with me again. =)

I am still absorbing the fact that my life is completely different. I have gone on 3 dates since I moved here. Nothing serious, just meeting new people. So far, I seem continue to not have any luck here. During this moving process, I lost a lot of weight due to stress, so I have some self esteem issues to work out. I am sure my dates would have gone a little better had I been more confident and less shy. So, I will curb the dating until I feel good about myself. Nothing is worse then sitting in a restaurant wondering if you are going to look too skinny walking to the bathroom (causing you not to go to the bathroom). Not healthy.

Besides that mess, I have so much to do here. And you know what? I am very happy with my choice to move. This is one of the best things I could have done for myself. 

To everybody who got tired of me talking about this move for the last 2 years, I know you miss me. lol And I miss you too.

Much love to the people who helped make this move physically possible: Phea, China, Angel and Brandon. 

This is a new chapter and I need to remember to not do this the way I did it in Boston. 

I'm ready for my breakthrough...

Come see me off...

I want to take a moment to say that God has really blessed me with the right friends. I may not have a lot of friends, but I have the ones that are supposed to be in my life and I couldn't ask for anything more. It is true that I am a tough person and that yes, I have done a lot without help, but no matter how tough and strong I am, I cannot do it all alone. There are moments when I do need help and thankfully, I have the right people to assist and guide me when I need it the most.


To all those who have contributed to my well being, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Big or small, you have made an impact in my life. My success is your success and my failures are lessons to be learned.

A lot has gone on in the last 2 weeks that I would like to blog, but I am tired tonight. I just needed to put those first 2 paragraphs out there.

((hugz))

Anniversaries

This weekend was a one year anniversary to a few life changing moments in my life.

RIP Travis.

Thank you for showing the world that a man can change. It may not have been visable to the naked eye, but you were humbled by your circumstance to the point where the beautiful person God intended you to be shined so bright that your sincerity touched many hearts. Where ever you are, you are loved.

China,

You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are the most constant person in my life and I can't imagine my life without you. This time last year I was so distraught with Travis's death on top of my own problems and you saved me. I don't know how many times I have said that before..but its so true. I may not have been like this today because I was so lost.

I spent this weekend in NYC and I had a blast. No need to name drop because you all know who you are, thank you. I will post my pics right after this blog.

Im a bit emotional right now because I have the right to be.

Mikey needs sleep.

Goodnight.