Nina needs a new home, again.

"If u were a person, I would tell u how important u are to the makings of me. I would tell u how u helped me stay strong and how important it was to my survival, that u never changed and always loved me the same. I would tell u that our walks this summer were some of the best moments I had all year. Seriously. When I brought u to the pond and u were amazed at the amount of water and ducks, I cried a little...because I knew I was leaving soon. I also knew that your road was going to be long like mine...and I wish we could share it together.

Here I sit in this Chipotle, by 36 and Madison wiping my face over my burrito (for real..lol).

I love u my baby girl and if I could bring u here, I would."

I wrote that on my cell phone and emailed it to myself. I was told via text message that my dog needs to find a new place to live. My friend who is watching her, received a messaged from her landlord stating that the dog has to go or she will be evicted. I totally understand and I am kool with the fact that she is choosing her housing over somebody else's dog. Wouldn't you?? I am very thankful that my friend was even able to take care of her for the last 2 months.

So yeah, I am a bit sad that she will be onto her 3rd new home. I feel like I may never get her back and if I do, she may be all weird and thinking she is not wanted. Animals get like that...they have feelings and they know when they are not wanted. Even if I never get her back again, I want her to be happy, healthy and loved. I know she is just a dog, but she also represents a very important chapter in my life and it saddens me that she has to suffer because I chose to leave her behind. I know what it is like to be left behind..and again, I know she is just a dog, but I feel guilty...

Anyhoo, this will workout even if I have to get back on that bus to find her a new home.

13 Days

13 days ago I moved away from everything that I knew and landed in NYC.  All of my most important possessions were placed in many boxes, both big and small, loaded into a Uhaul truck and driven to my new home in Brooklyn. It was an emotional process for me being that I had lived in that apartment for the last 5 years. That place is legendary in my mind and heart. I grew so much there and although I am happy to be gone, I will miss it.

However, I didn't get to bring everything. One of the most important things was left behind: my baby girl, Nina. I got a lump in my throat just typing that. My new place doesn't accept dogs, so I left her in good hands until I can figure out how to bring her to me. She is my heart, my companion and one of the greatest loves of my life. I made sure to record our last walk on my phone and I watch it everyday. It brings me great joy. In due time and with much prayer, I will have my baby girl with me again. =)

I am still absorbing the fact that my life is completely different. I have gone on 3 dates since I moved here. Nothing serious, just meeting new people. So far, I seem continue to not have any luck here. During this moving process, I lost a lot of weight due to stress, so I have some self esteem issues to work out. I am sure my dates would have gone a little better had I been more confident and less shy. So, I will curb the dating until I feel good about myself. Nothing is worse then sitting in a restaurant wondering if you are going to look too skinny walking to the bathroom (causing you not to go to the bathroom). Not healthy.

Besides that mess, I have so much to do here. And you know what? I am very happy with my choice to move. This is one of the best things I could have done for myself. 

To everybody who got tired of me talking about this move for the last 2 years, I know you miss me. lol And I miss you too.

Much love to the people who helped make this move physically possible: Phea, China, Angel and Brandon. 

This is a new chapter and I need to remember to not do this the way I did it in Boston. 

I'm ready for my breakthrough...

Nina VS. Alf

With all of my time off I have decided to clean area's I have been too busy to reach. One of those area's is behind my PC. It is very dusty back there and just scary to look at. I also have an Alf stuffed animal on top of my monitor. Yes, Alf from Melmac. Anyhoo, I removed him and placed him near a big red Puma shopping bag. Somehow he ended up in the bag with his face sticking out.

Well, it has been about a week and Nina has been acting very strange. her eating habits have changed and she has been very nervous acting. Crying a lot and running back and forth. She has even lost some weight. So, today I decided to feel around her body to see if maybe she was in pain or something. Nothing. As far as eating, she still is a damn crumb snatcher, so I know she still has an appetite. Still, nothing. I was beginning to think that I have to bring her to the vet...which I can't really afford right now.

However, on one of her frantic runs, I heard her touch the big red Puma bag in the hallway only to see her dart back into the room. I looked into the hallway and noticed that Alf's face was looking back at me. No way...could this be it? The source of her paranoia and loss of interest in her food??? I had my roommate distract her while I removed Alf from the big red bag. Sure enough, she was back in the hallway. Only this time she almost jumped into the bag. She started searching around the bag and the hallway. She darted back in the room and looked very worried.

It was Alf! She was looking for him! Nina did not want to believe that he was gone so she became obsessed with the big red Puma shopping bag. I tried to put it in the pantry but she wouldn't stop stalking the door. So, we had to throw the bag out...in front of her!

Within minutes, Nina has finished a bowl of her dog food and has been crying less. It has been 2 days since she has eaten her food. Hopefully this is it...to think, she must have been tormented for a whole week. LOL

Awww..my baby girl!

Blah

It was a long day and I accomplished the routine. I feel a bit empty. Im a little lonely this evening and in a small funk. Just can't wait for what is next. Whatever that may be.

Nina was in bad shape this week and it really scared me. Pets are like kids and when something happens you cannot control, it can really affect your mood. She is better, and I am happy to have her back to normal. It almost makes me want to give her away so that I dont have to deal with such fear over what I cant control. But that would be silly of me because I love her. Plus I dont give up that easily. My baby girl needs me and is always happy to see me come home.

A good friend of mine and his boyfriend of 4 years almost broke up this week. It was a little devasting for me because I love them together and they give me hope. I have learned alot from them as far as loving unselfishly is concerned. I mean they obviously have their own problems and are not perfect, but they are wonderful together. Sometimes people get too comfortable and get bored. It happens...thats why you have to be open all the time and willing to compromise and keep things fresh. Anyhoo..I love them and am happy they are still together.

I have decided to stay off Myspace and any kind of instant messanger for the month of May because I spend entirely too much time on them and I need to be able to function and entertain myself without them. Maybe that is why I am lonely. lol

This weekend I will be going to NYC to pick up some studio equipment for a friend of mine. I might go to a club if time permits.

It's late already and I need to sleep.

Grrrrr!

Shadows

I decided to take today off from work because my allergies are kicking my ass and I also just needed a mental day for myself. I know those that know me are like "What? you have Fridays off!!" LOL I have a 4 day 40 hour schedule. So I always have a 3 day weekend. But I make sure to stay busy all 3 days because I need to be productive. This weekend was taxing on me because of the photo shoot and then feeling sick from my allergies the following morning. I am not complaining..but I am tired and emotional.

Here is what I am getting to:

I am sad. This photo stuff is something I really want to do and I will be pursuing it. But this means that my plans to move are of course going to be (once again) pushed back.

A little history on where I live: I once shared this apartment with my best friend and my ex. We were very much like family. My best friend moved out to further his career and months after that my ex and I broke up and he moved out. I have been well put together and have pressed on with myself. However, I am still very much affected. I look around this house..and yes..I love my roommates! But the 3 of us (being my ex and best friend) did so much work on this apartment from the floors to the ceiling (literally) that it is haunting at times. I feel so left behind and homeless in this place. But I don't see a point in moving to another apartment because I just want to get out of this city.

Time goes by and I am just fine. I have a good job, great roommates, my baby girl Nina and I am living comfortably with my cash flow. But then those days creep in and I feel so awful. I miss my ex terribly and it breaks my heart some mornings to wake up in the same bed, same sheets and pillows...and not have him by my side. I don't even sleep on his side of the bed. My best friend as well. I miss being able to just chill and go out and walk around and talk shit. I see his old room sometimes and I think of all the hard work that was put into it and it just gets to me.

My best friend and I will eventually be at the same place at the same time and our relationship is still just as good. My ex and I...well..we'll never be able to be friends at this rate and without that, we'll just always be a memory to each other. It saddens me because I love him with everything in me, but I can only do so much. I feel like a lot of these feelings will lift once I move. Its one thing to remember...its another to have to be reminded of it everyday.

So yes, I am pursuing photography but its gonna keep me here a little longer...and Im just a little down..but it will work out. I just had to let that out.

Thanks for getting this far.

I Miss My Camera

I have many pics I haven't posted because I am obviously full of myself. Notice there was no "lol" inserted. LOL Ok...here are some left overs that I never cared for..but all of a sudden. Once I get my camera back I am going to start shooting other people. Im hoping one person in particular will be my Muse. We'll see...











The shirt is fake. I Placed the "Go Mikey" on it. It is now my mission to get Go Mikey T-Shirts. yay!!!







Yes that is the lady in my life and yes that is the floor of my room and no it is not always that crazy. Just 90% of the time. Her name is Nina. But you should know that already.