13 Days

13 days ago I moved away from everything that I knew and landed in NYC.  All of my most important possessions were placed in many boxes, both big and small, loaded into a Uhaul truck and driven to my new home in Brooklyn. It was an emotional process for me being that I had lived in that apartment for the last 5 years. That place is legendary in my mind and heart. I grew so much there and although I am happy to be gone, I will miss it.

However, I didn't get to bring everything. One of the most important things was left behind: my baby girl, Nina. I got a lump in my throat just typing that. My new place doesn't accept dogs, so I left her in good hands until I can figure out how to bring her to me. She is my heart, my companion and one of the greatest loves of my life. I made sure to record our last walk on my phone and I watch it everyday. It brings me great joy. In due time and with much prayer, I will have my baby girl with me again. =)

I am still absorbing the fact that my life is completely different. I have gone on 3 dates since I moved here. Nothing serious, just meeting new people. So far, I seem continue to not have any luck here. During this moving process, I lost a lot of weight due to stress, so I have some self esteem issues to work out. I am sure my dates would have gone a little better had I been more confident and less shy. So, I will curb the dating until I feel good about myself. Nothing is worse then sitting in a restaurant wondering if you are going to look too skinny walking to the bathroom (causing you not to go to the bathroom). Not healthy.

Besides that mess, I have so much to do here. And you know what? I am very happy with my choice to move. This is one of the best things I could have done for myself. 

To everybody who got tired of me talking about this move for the last 2 years, I know you miss me. lol And I miss you too.

Much love to the people who helped make this move physically possible: Phea, China, Angel and Brandon. 

This is a new chapter and I need to remember to not do this the way I did it in Boston. 

I'm ready for my breakthrough...

NYC Pride '08

A lot of pictures were taken, but not with my camera. So, this is all I have for now. However, I wore 2 different outfits and there are plenty of beautiful people who are not represented in these 2 photo's. Although the 2 who count the most are in them: John and Brandon. I can always count on them to feel comfortable, loved and we always share some big laughter.

The day started off at a hole in the wall restaurant in the East side. We ate vegan red velvet cupcakes and I think I had some kind of Morrocan chicken wrap. After that, we hit up a party at the Gansevoort Hotel where we hid from the rain under table top umbrella's. From there we walked thru the Meat Packing District and chilled at Los Dados. After an hour of carrying on and drinking, we made our way to the much too crowded Pier at the end of Christopher street. I can't do that place during Pride anymore. Too many children and just too damn packed. If everybody in the ghetto was gay and they walked into the middle of the street...you would understand.

The night ended at a club called Hiro. I was there 2 years ago to see Esthero perform and the venue is gorgeous. I had a really good time there, I danced next to a cute porn star while exchanging glances (why do porn stars like me and why do they NEVER live in Boston??) all night and was hit on by a few people. Its nice to feel attractive. I also got to hang out with a very handsome guy...we made out. I know...very fast of me, but it was Pride. Oddly enough, I don't think we had any chemistry. I am very hot and cold like that..I either really like you or I am numb to you. Boo!

As usual, I didn't get to see everybody I wanted to see, but I will be back soon.

To sum it up...it was a good weekend. I will post other pics if I get my hands on them.

The Inside Shines.

It is what it is. I have been very fortunate this past week and hopefully things will continue to fall into place.

Be proud of Mikey, Im on track. :)

Tall, Dark and Vegan

I followed John all thru SoHo on Satrday afternoon. It can be a bit challenging keeping up with those "model legs," but I was up for the task and as usual, it was quite the learning experience. John showed me where he shops and brought me to a really nice show room where the most beautiful tiles were on display. There was a "no picture" policy so we had to commit fashion espionage to get that one pic of him in the display bathroom. Just another day in NYC.

It was very sunny out and we walked around NYU and ate some snacks while talking about life. He is such a breath of fresh air because he is like walking art and is taking the right steps in the direction he wants to be in. Im proud of John and also privledged to have people like him around to inspire me and to prove that it can be done. He also has the most nastiest mouth I have encountered. Ha! Thankfully I am not easily offended by words because I don't have the purest mouth my-damn-self.

Amen to that.

Anniversaries

This weekend was a one year anniversary to a few life changing moments in my life.

RIP Travis.

Thank you for showing the world that a man can change. It may not have been visable to the naked eye, but you were humbled by your circumstance to the point where the beautiful person God intended you to be shined so bright that your sincerity touched many hearts. Where ever you are, you are loved.

China,

You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are the most constant person in my life and I can't imagine my life without you. This time last year I was so distraught with Travis's death on top of my own problems and you saved me. I don't know how many times I have said that before..but its so true. I may not have been like this today because I was so lost.

I spent this weekend in NYC and I had a blast. No need to name drop because you all know who you are, thank you. I will post my pics right after this blog.

Im a bit emotional right now because I have the right to be.

Mikey needs sleep.

Goodnight.

Unfulfilled.

No exaggeration in that title at all. Let's see...I unintentionally got wasted on Friday night, got up early the next day with a hang over and along with another friend, drove to NYC to get some important stuff for a mutual friend. While in NYC I was supposed to get a shirt touched up with some rhinestones (im gay. lol) and possibly get some lunch in the city. Unfortunately we did not have enough time to do anything but pick up the equipment and come right back home. I did get to stop by a gathering for less then 5 minutes. We were really pressed for time so 5 minutes was too much time.

I called the friend we were doing the favor for and realized that we forgot a few important items. They weren't the most important things but different things mean different things to different people. After our convo ended I felt a little defeated. Like I had gone to NYC to do this favor only to not do it right. But after a while I thought to myself that maybe it wasn't such a big deal and that this friend didn't even say thank you or even express any gratitude. Nothing. He was actually supposed to call me back and didn't. I actually called him on Sunday and he was busy at work..and again...was supposed to call me back. Nothing.

Im a little pissed off because I volunteered to get certain items for him before it was too late. If I didn't volunteer to help he would have had nothing. Absolutely nothing. After I volunteered to pick up these specific items, I all of a sudden was in charge of getting everything that he wanted and needed. I don't need a gold medal or to be praised...but a simple thank you or a sign of being thankful would suffice. bleh.

Lesson learned.

I have spent my whole day off and on the phone with my other friend who broke up with his boyfriend. Its sad to hear him all distraught because I care for my friends a lot and I am very loyal and supportive. I will listen all summer if I have to, because I know what he is going thru.

Since I gave myself to my friends this weekend I decided that a little bootycall would do me some justice. Nope. After I finished I just felt gross. This is somebody I have been seeing every so often for the last year. Sweet guy, extremely sexy..but I think I am done with sex for now.

This weekend sucked.

Time 2 Reflect.

PS I am listening to the Above the Rim Soundtrack.

What you know about that?? lol

Too Damn Much

I am a busy person. I knew that I always had something to do but this has been ridiculous. I figured that staying away from NYC would help me live normally in Boston and that I would have all of the time to fix my room, feed myself, spend time with Nina and get back to me. I work 10 hours a day 4 days a week so during those 4 days I do close to nothing but eat sleep and work. The 3 days I have off I have been so busy with anything you can think of. Laundry, guests, bars, more guests, clubs and even boys. Yes...Mr...... Celibate has been not so celibate.

I still have not had sex since June but I have not been so innocent either. Not going to get into any details but I am responsible for my actions so I apparently need to work on my self control. As it stands right now, all of the fraud stuff is not completed. Still waiting for my bank and all of the creditors to get thru their investigations. That is a subject far too draining for me to get into.

I have been talking to a sweet guy from Chicago on the phone like 2 or 3 times a day everyday for the past month now. I have a huge crush on him and he has one on me too. I am going to visit him at the end of the month (hopefully) for a weekend. We are well aware of the fact that nothing is going to come out of this other then us being friends. Our lives and locations would not let us be what we could be...so its to just enjoy the little stuff we have now. Thas my babe right now...awwww. lol

On another note, my friendship with John has grown a bit as well. Lawd that boy is a clown. We actually speak a few times a day as well...it just never gets old. Its refreshing to know that there are still people out there that are about something. Even if his exterior is filled with fashion and shade...lol. He is a great guy and has a great boyfriend. I am so on their side. And when I say that I mean that I am happy to see 2 guys doing the best they can do to be together. No matter the distance or situation. Not that I have been here long enough to see "trouble," but I am optimistic for them. In a sense seeing their love reminds me of what I had but on a larger scale. It will take some time but I will get there...

Im feeling a bit pressured about money right now. Winter is coming and I need to buckle down and save save save so I can get the fuck out of this city. I played the lotto the other day lol. I obviously didn't win.

Thank God time is free....I need a lot of it.

Can you spare me some time?

Oh Summer

This was my last weekend in NYC for the summer and I have many mixed emotions. In a sense I feel like this year is over but of course its not. Its going to get harder. No more hot days beating the streets of NYC with the people who have sustained me this year. Up until the summer I was a huge emotional mess. Why mention the reason? This summer showed me how to open up and be myself again. I have met some cute guys and have considered dating a few but for one reason or another it just wasn't meant to be. I also was able to recapture my passion for dance. How bout I just list the things about this summer that have helped me in one way or another?

Genuine people who have showed me how to have a good time.

My Boston crew: Johnny, Danny, Patrice, Byron and Stephanie

My NYC crew: Harvey, Brandon, John and Frowen (and the many people I have met thru you 2), Eric, Carlos and Oso.

My eyes were definitely opened this year and a lot of people have come and gone and a lot of true colors were shown in such a short amount of time. A lot of fakers and fronters and plenty of people who bit off more then they could chew. Good sex, bad sex, a yearning to be wanted for more then just my body, self realizations, the hardest HIV test I ever took (negative but still..) hot club nights, a lot of booze, Richie, day breaking, getting over (and still) my ex, a lot of shopping, sushi, cooking, many many trips and accepting my weight problem. There is more but those are the ones that stand out.

Individual shout outs:

Johnny, thank you so much for taking me out of the house those first few times. Life was harder then you know before you came a long and showed me I could go out in Boston. And of course for introducing me to Patrice and Danny.

John, we finally met! Talk about MySpace networking? I enjoy you profusely and thank you for introducing me to Frowen and the rest of your eclectic friends. I admire and live thru you and Frown's relationship and I can only hope that things progress for you two. And of course I hope I am there for it.

Stephanie, thank you for being apart of my "coming back to reality" process. Your light and friendly attitude was such a needed breath of fresh air. We can drive anywhere and never stop talking.

Brandon, thank you for being patient and for being a real friend. I love you with all of my heart and you are one of my best investments. Its been what..7 years? Here is to another million (do u think we'll still be hot then? lol)

Harvey, you are and have been the brother I never had. I don't know where I would be or how I would have survived these last 4 years without you. Thank you for being one of the most constant people in my life (especially in these times). Let us now focus.

China, we can not talk for large periods of times but I know that I can count on you and you can always count on me. I could have died that rainy weekend but you came to my rescue. You may never know how much you helped me that day but I still think about it and it makes me emotional just knowing how selfless you can be. That prom forever changed our lives.

Daland, how weird is it for me to type that name? Im so use to typing the Ex,"Him" or any other variation. You have loved me like no other and yet you have hurt me just the same. Not sure if you were trying to undo all of the love that we built but whatever the case may be...I don't have it in me to hate you. Thank you for showing me that I can be very weak, emotionally and mentally and that I don't know it all. Realizing that has made me a better man because those are mistakes I will not make again. I will love again and thanks to you I know how sweet it is and I know how to cook, clean and put my needs (when appropriate) to the side for the next man I am with.

Ivette, my sister. This is the first time ever that we have been able to see eye to eye on many things and this is the first time I felt like we are related. I hope we continue this relationship. After all..we are stuck with each other.

This has been the longest, hardest year of my life and it is not over yet. I have a few more battles to conquer before this year ends. But so far, so good right?