Rock With Me

I thought I would share one of my favorite videos. It is no secret that I love Janet. She inspires the dancer in me and this video really brought me back to the clubs. It is highly overlooked but whenever it is played, people really react well to it. I tend to zone out and feel like I am in the video. Such a sexy and dark feeling..

This is another favorite that was highly overlooked as well. I tend to lose weight to this one:

NYC Pride '08

A lot of pictures were taken, but not with my camera. So, this is all I have for now. However, I wore 2 different outfits and there are plenty of beautiful people who are not represented in these 2 photo's. Although the 2 who count the most are in them: John and Brandon. I can always count on them to feel comfortable, loved and we always share some big laughter.

The day started off at a hole in the wall restaurant in the East side. We ate vegan red velvet cupcakes and I think I had some kind of Morrocan chicken wrap. After that, we hit up a party at the Gansevoort Hotel where we hid from the rain under table top umbrella's. From there we walked thru the Meat Packing District and chilled at Los Dados. After an hour of carrying on and drinking, we made our way to the much too crowded Pier at the end of Christopher street. I can't do that place during Pride anymore. Too many children and just too damn packed. If everybody in the ghetto was gay and they walked into the middle of the street...you would understand.

The night ended at a club called Hiro. I was there 2 years ago to see Esthero perform and the venue is gorgeous. I had a really good time there, I danced next to a cute porn star while exchanging glances (why do porn stars like me and why do they NEVER live in Boston??) all night and was hit on by a few people. Its nice to feel attractive. I also got to hang out with a very handsome guy...we made out. I know...very fast of me, but it was Pride. Oddly enough, I don't think we had any chemistry. I am very hot and cold like that..I either really like you or I am numb to you. Boo!

As usual, I didn't get to see everybody I wanted to see, but I will be back soon.

To sum it up...it was a good weekend. I will post other pics if I get my hands on them.

I want you..

..but I want you to want me too.

Just like I want you.

Just sayin'...

New things

I got rid of the Mistah ReD pics page because it just had a lot of pictures of me that I don't feel like sharing anymore. In its place, I started a new page that you can access by viewing my profile. It is titled Mike Milan in Pictures or you can go directly to it at http://mikemilanisakos.blogspot.com/. I will start going thru this blog and getting rid of some of the pics I can live without. Mainly the pics where I am showing too much skin. I will leave some...but a lot will go.

The pic I posted this week will be edited as well. UPDATE: it has been cropped.

Less is more.

Tacky of me, but too true..

Attention masculine bottom men; I am not competing with you, nor am I competing for you. Please stop all of the hating, because I don't want "your man." Stop thinking that your masculinity makes you a hot commodity in my eyes because it doesn't. I don't want you. I have no hang ups with my masculinity and I don't care if in your eyes, I am too fem for you.

Listen up, if you don't like me, I won't like you either. There is no need to throw your negative vibes my way because my jeans are tight. The very act of you being shady to me is you being what you think you are not...catty and bitchy aka having female traits aka just a step away from being fem. Don't confuse my manners for being interested in you..u make my vain ways seem small compared to ur inflated ego.

Fall back son...you're not my type. I stopped liking "thugs" when I left high school.

PS Your eyebrows are starting to grow back...u should do something about it.

Getting Ready

Since my class ended early this month, I have not been taking any pictures. My next class starts this Friday and I decided to take some pictures of myself to make sure I remembered how to use my manual options. This picture is all I am willing to share because the rest were for me to see how my body has changed in the last few weeks (and many were deleted..lol).

Not too bad, but I still have a long way to go before I really like what it all looks like.

I can't wait for the studio access.

Because emotions are real

I miss that feeling because i can still taste it
face to face with my arm across your body
you and i, we disappear into each other
I hold your hand and you protect my heart
time is so limited but it tends to stand still when we are together
a never ending symphony of fulfilled desires
you love me because I dedicate my purest actions to your existence
and I am fragile for your eyes only
Our life is outlined with priceless memories
and I raise a toast to our past, present and future
Because it is worth it


A song came on and it sparked some raw emotions. Nothing sad...it was all good. It reminded me of everytime I layed next to somebody and felt "that feeling.' It inspired me to write this piece. FYI: This is not for anybody in particular, just a celebration of the love and affection that I have experienced. Life is too short, but certain feelings can prolong the process..good and bad.

Desire VS Expectation

I was talking to one of my friends the other day, and we got into a good conversation about what I want out of a certain situation. Upon discussing different scenarios, a thought popped into my head: our desires are not the same as our expectations. Its a simple concept to grasp, and yet I think we are all a little guilty of letting our desires cloud our judgment. I know I am (guilty of such).

In the absence of employment, I seem to have quite a few desires. Some more materialistic while others are...well..personal. Lately, I have been a little out of character and somewhat needy with the people around me because I have pretty much run out of things to do and I am bored out of my mind. So bored, I may finally learn how to drive a damn car.

The only thing I want that I actually expect to get, is a job. Everything and everybody else..it will happen if it happens.

Sometimes I type too much..

..and then I take it back. Not because it wasn't true at the moment..but because I have so much time on my hands that I am putting too much of myself out there.

Hot!

This is what I look like in my house during this mini heatwave...



...Red dot and all! lol

Nina VS. Alf

With all of my time off I have decided to clean area's I have been too busy to reach. One of those area's is behind my PC. It is very dusty back there and just scary to look at. I also have an Alf stuffed animal on top of my monitor. Yes, Alf from Melmac. Anyhoo, I removed him and placed him near a big red Puma shopping bag. Somehow he ended up in the bag with his face sticking out.

Well, it has been about a week and Nina has been acting very strange. her eating habits have changed and she has been very nervous acting. Crying a lot and running back and forth. She has even lost some weight. So, today I decided to feel around her body to see if maybe she was in pain or something. Nothing. As far as eating, she still is a damn crumb snatcher, so I know she still has an appetite. Still, nothing. I was beginning to think that I have to bring her to the vet...which I can't really afford right now.

However, on one of her frantic runs, I heard her touch the big red Puma bag in the hallway only to see her dart back into the room. I looked into the hallway and noticed that Alf's face was looking back at me. No way...could this be it? The source of her paranoia and loss of interest in her food??? I had my roommate distract her while I removed Alf from the big red bag. Sure enough, she was back in the hallway. Only this time she almost jumped into the bag. She started searching around the bag and the hallway. She darted back in the room and looked very worried.

It was Alf! She was looking for him! Nina did not want to believe that he was gone so she became obsessed with the big red Puma shopping bag. I tried to put it in the pantry but she wouldn't stop stalking the door. So, we had to throw the bag out...in front of her!

Within minutes, Nina has finished a bowl of her dog food and has been crying less. It has been 2 days since she has eaten her food. Hopefully this is it...to think, she must have been tormented for a whole week. LOL

Awww..my baby girl!

It Happens

There is a disconnect going on right now, but one thing I have learned is that people are dispensable. It may seem like a very shady and hurtful thing to say, but it is true. People change all the time and sometimes we change to the point where we are no longer compatible with the people around us. It sucks when some of the most important people around you become a stagnant part of your life. Or worse...a bad influence. Not to mention when the shoe is on the other foot and you are stagnant and your influence is hurtful to the ones around you.

But it happens.

PS: the banner in the previous post is definitely NOT going to happen. It looks like a damn MySpace shrine. I will design something more tasteful in due time.

Possible Banner

Thanks for reading another installment of my sometimes overexposed life on blog.

I am still jobless. I applied at a few places but I have heard nothing back. There is something inside of me that doesn't want to be bothered with being employed. I think its called...laziness! ha! Seriously, I am enjoying this great weather and I have been out a lot. Since being laid off I have gained 4 pounds from going to the gym so much. I go to the gym almost everyday now and my body is changing pretty quick.

Anyhoo, I think I am ready for a banner. This designed was on the whim. I want a damn banner but after designing this mess..I am kind of not feeling myself all over it. Although it is my blog!!! lol

Any feedback or suggestions would be great.



Cheers!

Yeah, I said it.

Not having a job means that I talk 75% less then I have been accustomed to for the last 3 years. Weird but true. Everybody works all day and I am home to search for jobs online and clean. So when I speak to somebody, I turn into Chatty Kathy. Ugh. Its like word vomit. I can't seem to shut the fuck up. Other then that, I go to the gym often and stay longer then usual. I also have been spending waaay too much money on eating out.

My Beg. Photography class is finally over. I might not have mentioned that here, but I took an 8 week course and I went to class once a week for a few hours. It was very informative and I got some good stuff out of it. Not as much as I wanted, but the teacher was like super ADD...seriously. He is an older guy with over 30 years experience and I think he just knows way too much to teach. Not sure if that makes sense. It was just a lot to absorb. Anyhoo, I am taking one more class thru the summer. It will focus more on fashion photography and I am very excited.

Lets see, what else can I chat about...hmmm. I have somewhat of a crush on somebody. That's new..cuz you know, I don't like people like that. I snapped my fucking glasses today and I had to glue them back together because I cannot afford a new pair. Hot.

Lets see..what else. This may get me in trouble, but whatever..a friend and some loser broke up. There, I said it. In his defense, the loser is a nice guy, but who said losers can't be nice!?

I also deleted an acquaintence from my myapce friends list over a political debate. lol You know, I am not sensitive about that mess, but if I feel that you are being an asshole and trying to cover it with your political view...you kind of just made ur asshole-ness seem bigger. Umm..hello?

OK, let me get back to hell.

If Only...

I spoke to a good friend earlier about an ongoing issue she has been having with a "guy friend," and I gave her advice that I wished I would have given myself a long time ago:

"Closure is not a conversation."

After our talk, I started cleaning my kitchen like a crackhead and I was really thinking about what I had said to her...its a really deep statement.

For me, it means that no amount of words in any conversation can overpower the action of a situation. People can lie, embelish and totally skew things with words. This comes from being in situations with people who do not know how to verbally comunicate and or are liars. But little do they know that their actions end up giving them away. Its frustrating, I know, but sometimes people leave you no choice but to do it on your own.

Fuck it.

Carry On

It has been almost a week now and things are settling in. I have been so well rested and the days have been filled with eating out, movies, friends and faux coworkers. I also got a sweet pair of all white Supra Skytops and a Beetles t-shirt.

Its actually been a pretty good week despite being laid off. I do need a new job and I will start my search starting tonight or very early tomorrow. But either way it will all fall into place. I have been tempted to do some searches in NYC, but I am not going to let this force my hand. It would be easy to run out of here, but I want to take one more class this summer. Once I am done with that, I should have no reason to be here. Unless the new job I have pays me 10k more then what I was already making, then I will consider staying a little longer. But only because I would then have even more money to move. I seriously doubt I am going to get that much considering I am an art school dropout and students are graduating this month.

I have these mixed feelings about my free time because I am not sure how long it will last. Ideally, I would like to throw myself into my art and take many pictures, but I feel as soon as I put my resume out there..I might not be unemployed for long. But, as I stated before, it is May and students are graduating, so I may not want to wait too long or there may be no jobs available.

Well, I will do it all. I will look for a job, find one and do my art at the same time.

Im ADD like that.


My "Wife" Bory and I.

From Home

So far, its like breaking up with somebody you have been with for a few years. For those of you that know me well, you might see how this is somewhat of an unwanted flashback.

For the last almost 3.5 years of my life, I have dedicated my time and energy to this company. I came in with no experience and made sure to knock down every barrier and any odds that were stacked against me so that I could climb the ladder into a position that would make me proud. Until this job, I had never been promoted to anything and I don't think I ever had the desire or motivation to do so. Not here. I was on a mission and I had to prove to myself, that I can be more then just a worker bee at the bottom of a barrel. Granted, I wasn't a manager or any kind of superior, but I was many platforms away from the position I had first held.

When I interviewed for this job, my resume had been mixed up with somebody who had experience. So, when I let the interviewers know that they had the wrong resume, and that mine was the one with no experience, I made sure to give the best interview that I could give, and it worked. I was told that this is the kind of job that had plenty of room for growth and that it comes fast. It was true, if you really wanted it. After 2 years, about 2 and a half different departments, awards, gifts and decent raises, I was finally able to secure my way into the position I wanted from the day I got there. But, after 2 layoffs and some huge unexpected setbacks to the company, the 3rd set of layoffs weren't as kind to me. I have been sent packing.

I am not upset that I was chosen this time around (along with 500 others), because this company invested in me the same way that I had invested in it. I got out of it what I put into it, and I can't complain. I know that it is usually not that easy to progress in most company's, so I am grateful to have gotten to where I was at before the layoff. Not only did I progress in the company, but I progressed into a better employee, a harder worker, better team player and able to twist and bend with an ever changing workflow. I wrote a letter to one of my managers the weekend before the layoff, and I told her that "I hope for the best, but I am ready for the worse. What I take from you, **** and everybody I have worked with here, will be invaluable to my future as a team player in almost any setting imaginable." She sent me a nice reply but she ended up losing her job before I made it to the office, so I am glad I was able to put that out there because the people in this company (past and present) are awesome and I really wish nothing but the best for everybody.

Anyhoo, I am sure it will take me a few days or maybe a bit longer to get used to this, but at this point in my life, I am not afraid of change. However, I really am going to miss the people who made going to work extremely easy...so much time spent with them, 5 days a week. Its almost like moving away from family. I feel like I have been able to secure myself some lifetime friends. Thats nice.

I'll be fine.

Take care, my friends.

The other shoe dropped.

Dear Colleague

Due to the sudden and unexpected filing for bankruptcy by **** and the Bank of America’s decision to exit the private student loan industry and terminate its relationship with ****, the Company is taking immediate measures to reduce its costs, including reducing its workforce. Regrettably your position is being eliminated.

Your presence is required at a meeting at Noon in the OCR Auditorium to review the next steps in the reduction in force process. We will be sharing important information regarding your separation from ****, including WARN notice and final paychecks and inventory sheet confirming your return of Company property.

To begin the separation process please

· Gather your personal property. There are boxes and packing materials available in the coffee areas on your floor.

· Leave all **** property at your workstation. This includes badges, laptops, IT tokens, blackberries and credit cards.

Following your meeting and completion of the pink inventory checklist you must leave the building. Your network access and badge access will be shut down shortly.

Long Weekend

I just want it to be over already...

Robyn will save you too!!!

Tuesday started as a grim day. I was given a number as to how many people are going to be laid off at my job and I felt sick to my stomach for most of the day. That was until I saw Robyn perform. Yes, THAT Robyn! from the late 90's, "Show Me Love," Robyn.

From what I have gathered, she was somewhat of a puppet back then. She now has her own Indie label and has a really good pop album that was released in the US as of yesterday. This is the most PURE pop album I have heard in a long time..if ever. FYI: Pure and pop are words that aren't really used to describe a sound. No big producers or army of writers. Not that I am against what big producers and writers can create, but when an artist can make really good music on their own, it makes it special and honest.

Anyhoo, her live performance was so simple and raw yet filled with yummy pop. Her voice sounded exactly the same in person as it does on her album. One amazing thing about her was that she was able to dance, jump, run, pose and sing without going off key or sounding out of breath. The only person I have seen live that can do that, is Beyonce. I can go on and on..but her sound is so new and FRESH that I would rather anybody reading this, to actually listen to it and fall in love with pop music again.

Give Robyn and good music a chance and BUY her music if you like it.

PS, when she sang Eclipse, I could barely sing a long with her because I got teary eyed! lol

This is the cover of her CD if you look for it. You can find her on the remix to Snoop Dogg's Sexual Seduction on iTunes.

http://www.myspace.com/robynmyspace