You Need This...!

These are some CD's that I have on heavy rotation:

Although I was a little dissapointed that it wasnt a total dance album, it still is a good piece of work. I have an undying love for Janet because she is the reason why I dance. Her "Rock With U" video inspired me to start clubbing again because I love to be out and dancing in a crowd of people. "2Nite" NEEDS to be a single.

An aspiring producer made a really good extended mix of Rock With U. You can youtube it, just type in "Rock With U" and "Justiss." I got him to email me the mp3 for it and I play it on my iPod. I even designed an album cover for it. lol

So far, Danity Kane has the most solid pop album for 2008. Every last song, even the damn interludes, are bad as hell!!! I have so much respect for these girls now. They have writing credits in most of the songs on the album and even did the vocal arrangements to "Lights Out." Give them a chance, you will not stop playing it..its like healthy crack. lol

Mariah Carey and Madonna's albums are overated. They aren't bad, but they have done better. I have had Madonna's for well over a week now and I must say that I am dissapointed at how bored she sounds. Mariah Carey took a few steps back (lyrically and vocally), but she has the stronger album of the 2. "For The Record" is the gem of E=MC2.

I cannot wait for Usher's new joint!

Ok, thats enough..lol.

Quietly

I know it has been awhile since I have posted anything on my blog, but I have been living too much to do so. Nothing dramatic, Im still single, and I am still employed at the same place (for now), but I also started a class in photography as well.

first of all, being in a school setting is very challenging. I have never been good at school and I can never seem to focus or understand half of the shit that comes out of the teacher's mouth. I try so hard to focus but even with trying to focus, I end up not understanding. It makes more sense now that I know that I have ADD, but it still sucks. I try sit low in my seat so that the teacher doesn't ask me any questions and at times I feel like just leaving the class because I feel dumb. Really..I do. I know that I am not, but its those moments that make me (literally) hot under my collar and I have to put myself in check because I have missed too many opportunity's being afraid and feeling inferior to everybody who can easily pick up a book or listen to an instructor and be able to make sense of it at a speed that I cannot comprehend.

I tried the drug route, but after being on 3 different meds, I can't do it. They work for a few hours, but I crash and my attitude sucks. I sometimes didn't even know who I was when I took them. I would be so rude and disconnected from everybody. I am not that person.

My job went thru some big layoffs at the beginning of the year and we are about to have some more layoffs in the next week or so. This time it may be massive and I am hoping for the best. I have been at my job for over 3 years and I have survived 2 downsizings. I work with some really amazing people and no mater if I keep my job or not, I will be losing some people that are very important to me on a daily basis.

To the person this applies to:

"Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself speak? Do you ever feel like maybe you should do some more listening and less time talking about yourself? Really, when you hang up the phone, do you realize that everything that was said to you (that didn't involve you or ur opinion) was quickly brushed aside by another topic about yourself? Friendships work better when you can share a conversation instead of picking up the phone and putting me thru at least an hour of ...you.

I love you, but its not a good thing when I question why I do..

I am not a fan, I am your friend..if you don't know the difference or if there isn't much of a difference in how you treat the 2..then I am all set."

Other then that, I am just fine.

;)

More Photo's

Today, we love him. lol

We took these on the whim and they came out pretty good. Considering the batteries in my camera started dying as soon as I set my lights up.

I say No to Obama.

A new Senator and author of 2 hope theme books. A man of color, a husband, trustworthy face (and handsome) and a good attitude. Although these things are positives in my book for a good leader, they are not enough. Nothing about this man is enough. What I see from Mr. Obama is the hope for a better leader he could be in the future. To me, he hasn't had enough time to demonstrate what kind of leader he is. AND as an author I find it very disturbing that he has had speeches that were identical, word for word, from Gov. Deval Patrick (who is not doing a good job in my home state of MA and keeps getting popped for doing the most irresponsible things like spending our tax dollars on expensive new furniture and a luxury car) and JFK. Yes, JFK.

How does an accomplished author not have original material for a set of speeches he uses in every state?

I think of hope when the chips are down and we need to look for change. I feel like we are passed that phase and should be about taking action. The hope, for me, is electing a president that will do the things necessary to build our great country back up, not somebody who is still talking about it. I do not want a Democratic candidate that the Republicans support. Why would the Republicans want to support one candidate over another when they have to go into battle either way? Could it be they are rooting for the candidate that will be easiest to beat? Do the republicans really want to battle Hillary...again? What could they possibly say or do to that woman that they haven't done or said in the last 15 years?

I obviously am a Hillary supporter. To me, both Hillary and Barack have some great ideas and I would be fine with any variation of their views...but I believe that only one of them stands a chance at being our next president. I also believe that somebody with as much experience and heart as Hillary would do a better job. I would not be opposed to Barack being our president in 8 years (or 4 years at this rate) because I believe by that time he would be seasoned. But not now.

People are so caught up on wanting something different and just the whole popularity factor but nobody that I have asked has been able to tell me any of Obama's accomplishments. He is winning people over with just his words. I'm sorry, I can't do that.

Anyhoo, that is my 2 cents.

29.

I am now officially 29 years old.

Time really flys. It was just 2 years ago this very month that my life was completely changed. Four years ago, little did I know I would be back to where I am/was...

Its a blessing to be able to reach back and pick up where you could have, would have and should have done. No regrets. what. so. ever.

I love me for the work in progress that I am.

Thank you to everybody who has helped me progress into who I am today, and what I will hopefully be in the future.

Oh, Sick.

Today I am sick. Yes, 2 days away from my party and I am sick. This is such bad timing because this is the begining of whatever sickness I have and I can feel it.

I have not gotten any better since last night. I have gotten worse. =/

I did manage to take these pics because I am home sick and extremely bored...so why not?

Tight.

The weekend is hear and I am determined to start taking the gym serious again. I need to stock up on vitamins as well. My birthday is next week and I will be 29. Dancing the way that I do, I need to invest in supplements that are good for my joints such as fish oil. I know I am not old, but I like to be proactive.

Looks like a GNC weekend.

That, and maybe some more Diesel jeans! lol

I need a little bit of a treat after enduring this draining week.

Black Wednesday, PS:

The President of the company spoke to the group of people who were let go and also to the people who were not. He was pretty honest and a little insensitive..or maybe we were all just so damn raw. Anyhoo, I was told today that after he broke the news to everybody, he was let go as well.

What!?

Right about now, Im just sticking around for the severance pay.

(Art) Work

Minus the self shot at the bottom, these pics are of my good friend and roommate. I haven't really touched my camera since the Summer. Gotta get back on my grind!

Hope you like.

Let it be

I went to another therapy session today (thursday feb 7th). It was very awkward and I do not think I need to go to that place anymore. I understand how important something like therapy can be for certain individuals...but not for me. Sitting there for an hour talking about myself and my problems is just too much (and boring).I am telling this person all of these important things about me and then when I leave I feel like I have gotten nothing out if it. If anything I leave feeling raw...for no reason.

One thing that I got out of my session actually hurt me. I was slightly late (as I am for everything) and I mentioned that being late is almost like having a disease. The therapist then said that it is. And it is part of my ADD. I was blown away that she said that because I believed her and yet I never put the two together. In that one moment of clarity, I felt so vulnerable and foolish.

That realization snowballed into a deep feeling of despair for my coworkers. I knew that I had to go into that empty office and face the fact that I wouldn't be seeing the people who taught me how to get my job done, made me laugh, encouraged me, inspired me and loved me. I had to go in there knowing that the last time I saw them here..they were crying or walking away in disbelief. And yet, I had to go there and work.

I couldn't finish my egg and cheese croissant at Dunkin' Donuts because I felt so awful. I exited and walked towards the train station thru wind and snow. As cold as it was, my face was hot and my eyes welled up. I was tempted to just call out and go home because I was emotionally distraught. However, I couldn't let my sadness get the best of me. Like everything else, it will pass.

I may not work with these people anymore, but life isn't over. If any of my coworkers and I are meant to be friends outside of work, it will happen.

If not, no love lost. None at all.
I live to love.

Black Wednesday

Today, my job axed around 70% of the people in my department. Some of these people I have been working with since the day I started my training (3 years ago). I work a lot and I also have been known to do a lot of over time as well, so these people were pretty close to being my family.
In the morning, before I left my house, I got a call from a coworker telling me that a whole department was laid off and that she heard 50% of us were going to be let go as well. I instantly felt sick. She also told me that there were police in the parking lot and extra security in the building. This is all too familiar to me because I have made it thru one corporate downsize already.

On my train ride to work, my mind was racing but I don't even remember what I was thinking about. When I walked in the building I saw some coworkers and I kind of put my head down. I was asked if I was ok, and I said I was fine...just tired. The day felt weird and I could hardly get any work done. I start at 12pm so by the time I got there, people had already been getting "vibes." There was an odd number of managers from other office locations roaming around our floor. Something was shifting and you could feel it.

At around 1:50ish, some managers started walking around and telling everybody to check their emails, while other managers quietly lined up at the exits. I checked my email but I had nothing. I asked some of the people around me and they didn't have any new emails. But there was a new email for many other people.

HR sent an email to the people who were getting laid off(all at once) to attend a 2pm meeting. From what I was told, the email stated that the meeting at 2pm is mandatory and that you shoud collect your personal belongings because you will not be allowed to come back to your desk. We all knew what the meeting was for because people in other departments were being laid off in front of us. As the message suggested, the meeting was to let those individuals know that they have been let go. So when that email hit..it was like a kick in the stomach. People were frantic and asking each other "Did you get an email!? Did you get an email!?" The question moved thru the room like a wave.

You could taste the fear in the air. It was one of the most intense moments of my life.

Sudenly, a heartfelt email was sent to the department from a coworker who had recieved the email and others followed suit with quick goodbyes and personal contact info. Each email recieved was like a bomb and once it sank in, there were many tears and hugs and just so much fear. We all work in one big room so you got to see everybody's reaction. It was heart wrenching to say the least. One of my coworkers came to my desk and broke down and told me that she tried to do her best..I then broke down too. It was just a lot. All of this happened in a span of 5 to maybe 10 minutes.

The managers stood by and kind of ushered people towards the auditorium. Then they were gone..and only a few of us were left with this loud silence.

I am very lucky to have been chosen to keep my job and to be apart of a new direction...but it is such a bitter sweet feeling.

=/

Storm

This year has begun with a lot of resentment and bitterness. I cannot pin point it, but I seem to not be able to control my attitude. I need space...a lot of it.

I somewhat regret setting up a party for my BDay because I am unsure if I have any real friends at this point. A room full of random "friends." I have no idea who I can trust and who is just using me. I know..its not that deep..but something in me feels like it is.

I feel very trapped and disconnected. One minute Im fine and the next Im just angry as hell at the smallest thing and I really just want to go off and break shit and cuss people out. I have never felt such intense feelings. Im trying to understand where it is coming from because this isnt healthy for me.

It keeps me up at night and I wake up with headaches.

I don't want to go to work but I don't want to stay home either.

I feel like I don't even know myself...

..but I will be fine.

I promise.

It Ends and it Begins

This year, I will not be as nice and I will not be used by the people who are supposed to be my friends. I may not have as many friends after this year, but if I do.,it may not be the ones I have now...and I am ok with that.

If you eat all of the cookies at once, you have none left for later.

Its not personal, but I don't like you like that..

...and I do not want to date you. Maybe you can take it personal, and you have every right to..but right now I am not into dating. I'm not even really into "hooking up" either. I do have "needs"..but they aren't important anymore. Those "needs" are a bit of a bother and sometimes require too much work. You are attractive, but I have other stuff that is occupying my time.

I appreciate your compliments...they never get old..but I still don't want to date you. Or him.

That's how I feel right about now. I just don;t want to be fucking bothered with guys right now (the swearing part is not supposed to sound angry..but I swear quite often when I speak. I'm not mad! lol). I actually have been kind of distant from my friends as well. This year I set off on this self improving journey and I have made some huge progress. I am very proud of myself for the things that I have done this year, but the more I accomplish the more work I see that has to be done. Its a bit unsettling, but not discouraging. At least I do not believe it to be.

I decided to try therapy to see if I could get anything out of it. I went to one appointment and half way thru it, I felt that I maybe didn't have to be there. Therapy would have been ideal in my teenage years or early 20's...shit..last year would have been good too. I have a few more appointments that I will use up before I make a final decision. The therapist asked me why I chose to try therapy..I was honest and told her that I realized that people are capable of change if they choose it...and I am choosing to change. I went on to tell her that I am an example against the common belief that people never change. I am not the same person I was this time last year. That Mikey was a very sad and lonely person. He also drank too much. lol

I expressed that I am willing to try anything a few times to see if it benefits not just the problems on the surface, but maybe even the way I process my thoughts and emotions. She seemed impressed..but it was my first time really doing something like this..so she could have been pacifying my ego.

Lets see...what else. Yes! how horrible is this karma?

e[10:47 PM]: so tell me about that guy u went out with
[10:48 PM]: was he ugly
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: no
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: he was ok
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: its so weird
[10:49 PM]: y?
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: and another reason why i want to move more..
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: he tried to holla at me literally 10 years ago..when i was 18
[10:50 PM]: oh wow!
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: he was like 21
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: but he dissed me for somebody else
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: in a very shady way
[10:50 PM]: ahhhhhhhh
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: but that was 10 years ago..
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: im not mad
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: im passed that..but yeah..
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: he hit me up...and was sweating me to meet up with him
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: and u know what? although i dont hold any grudges against him...
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: i just think he is apart of my past..
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: and i want it to stay there
G0Mikey [10:52 PM]: no hard feelings..but u know...this time around..im the one thats not into u
G0Mikey [10:52 PM]: and im trying to tell him that without sounding shady
[10:52 PM]: awwww
[10:53 PM]: true
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: he called me earlier and i looked at my phone...
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: and i was like..yuck
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: and i felt bad
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: but im not going to lead him on the way he did to me
[10:53 PM]: yeah exactly

I really need to stay off those gay cruisy sites! lol

Oh yeah...Happy Holidays. ;)

Self Check

I have no desire to get to (intimately) know anybody right now. I think I have been fooling myself and going with the flow of meeting new guys. Lately I have found myself turned off by being intimate. This is very unlike me...so I must be going thru some change. Naturally, I know we all want to be in the company of somebody we care for and can be intimate with. I still have those feelings...but I think the timing is off.

I have so much to do and the idea of getting to know somebody and all of their feelings is just a turn off for me. I do not have the energy to get to know somebody new, on that level. I believe in fate, so I am sure if somebody special came along, I would do what i felt is right. But I am not holding my breath nor do I care for that to happen at this moment. I will admitt that some situations have pushed me further into this direction, but I will keep quiet about that one.

My Thanksgiving was pretty sweet. Chilled with family, friends and got to eat some good food. I spent some awkward time with my estranged father. Bless that man..because he is such a loser at life. No hard feelings..honestly. If you knew this man, you would totally understand. My handsome brothers were there with there kids. I love my nephews...they almost make me want to grow up! LOL My nephew Bubba (its just a nickname!) followed me everywhere and was even sweet enough to assault one of my friends with a dropkick.

How sweet.


My younger brother and my nephew Bubba on Haloween.

Well, I like It.

You may not have bought these CD's (according to sales numbers), but I cannot stop playing them. Genuinely good writing, production and overall really good songs.

Each of these artist have writing credits on their album's, some have produced and or executive produced the entire product as well.

Forget what you heard, what you have seen or what you deem to be a person you think you know...

Good music is just that...good.

Give them a try.


I cannot stop moving to this CD. Non-stop dancing from start to finish. She co-wrote 2 songs and executive produced the entire project. Whether you want to admit it or not, these songs are amazing.


The best she has ever sounded. Surprisingly soulful, danceable and fun. When people tell me they thought this CD was bad, I always ask them if they listened to the right one. Really.


I actually did not like this CD when I first heard it. However, it has grown on me and I play it quite often at work when I need to focus and when I am in my room laying down.



This is R&B. Period. She sounds amazing and her songs were most likely too much for her Destiny's Child audience. This CD is very "grown."

There you have it. =P

Salon Red Will Kill You.

Ok, so maybe they won't. lol

But this is a review I placed on a website about the salon that destroyed my hair. I will let the review speak for itself.

Lets start at the good: The people there are extremely nice. It is attitude free and the environment is very comfortable and friendly. It is still a relatively new salon so walk ins are definitely do-able.

The bad:I am now bald. I went to Salon Red (the loft location near Best Buy on Newbury street) a few weeks ago to get my hair bleached (black to platinum). My hair was difficult to bleach because I had dyed my hair black a month prior to my appointment. It took over 6 hours to get my hair from black to an almost platinum color. The stylist and I decided it would be best to finish the process the following day. When I came in the following day, it took a few more hours and my hair was finally platinum.

My hair was obviously damaged and I understood why. However, my roots grew in pretty quick and I asked the stylist if it would be OK to get my roots touched up so soon after the first appointment(s). She confirmed that it would be fine so I scheduled a new appointment. We figured that my natural color would bleach much faster because during my previous session, the new growth from my black dye job responded well to the bleach.

Instead of bleaching my roots, the stylist applied the bleach to my whole head. My hair then broke off near the middle of my head. Hence making me look like I had a bald spot (actually, i do now). In a panic, the stylist and I chose to dye my hair a darker color (the color I wanted wasn't available). We dyed it a brown and my hair somehow looked worse. This process was physically painful because the dye apparently had chemicals that irritated my already bleached scalp. After all of that, my hair was like a Brillo pad. I was very upset, but everybody was so nice that I just paid, gave the stylist a tip and left.

I later received a call from the salon and they told me they voided my charge and that I can have a free service the next time I come in. Not only that, but the owner/master stylist contacted me and asked that I come in the following day (to the main location, not the loft) so that he can try to salvage what is left. Very nice right?

Well, all of those nice gestures meant nothing because when I called to see what time was best for me to come in, the receptionist told me that the owner wanted to reschedule my visit to 3 days later. He was overbooked. That was my last straw.

I shaved my head because while drying my hair after a shower, my hair shed all over the towel and was very crunchy. My hair was destroyed and the only thing I could do was get rid of it. After painfully shaving thru all of the parts of my hair that felt glued on, I noticed that the darker color did not cover all of my roots. So I had very short brown hair with platinum spots all over my head. I had to go completely bald to get rid of the mismatch colors. So finally, after all of the hair was gone, my newly bald head had scabs and brown color stains.

It is safe to say that I will not be going to Salon Red for any of my hair needs.

I honestly would have felt better about the whole situation had the owner followed up like he said he would, but he did not. I was asked to submit a review from the stylist who ruined my hair (before she started the bleaching). I would never have known about this site otherwise.

I suggest that if you are looking for a hair stylist please ask for the most experienced person relevant to what you need and if you are on Newbury Street, do not do Salon Red.

After I posted this info, I noticed that some of the reviews were from friends of the owners and one person in particular had the nerve to LIE and say she flys from LA to Boston TWICE a month just to get her hair done. I know of this person and I KNOW that is not true.

Anyhoo, I will get my hair dyed again..but by someone who knows what they are doing.

Its True.

I'll have better shots in a few days.

I wrote this on the train...

It falls apart and picks itself up. Over and over like an unforgettable melody that traps itself in my subconscious. I own my heart, but it bears ur reflection. These days are fine now and I'm growing but ur eyes hold so many secrets and yet... I can see right thru to ur self inflicted wounds. No more accusing because we are both to blame and we will never be the same. But I love you baby, and I always will.

Funny

Recently, this guy I have known for years sent me a message about his sister hanging with a mutual friend of ours. I gave a shady reply and he didnt take it too well. I later clarified that it was just a joke. lol

JK!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: XXXXXX Date: Nov 1, 2007 10:27 PM: LOOK UPMY SISTER PAGE..SHE AND ALAN ARE TTHE BEST OF FRIENDS..AND THAT BITCH DONT EVEN CALL ME..WHAT IS UP WITH THAT....SHE ON MY TOP FRIENDSCRAZYLADY..OH LOOK AT THER PICS AND MY COMMENTS..LOL

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Go Mikey Milan!Date: Nov 1, 2007 10:31 PM: u should teach ur sister how to wear makeup. its supposed to make people look better.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: XXXXX Date: Nov 1, 2007 10:47 PM: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL AND RIDICULOUS, I KNOW THAT SHE WEAR A LIT TOO MUCH MAKE UP BUT THATS NOT ON YOU TO SAY IT A LEAST TO ME. DONT BE DISRESPECTFUL TO ME AND MY LIT SISTER. I KNOW THAT U WOULD LIKE IT IF I MADE A COMMENT LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER...THAT WAS VERY AN CALL FOR AND I DID NOT LIKE YOUR COMMENT AT ALL...