Today, I realized that I have been keeping a lot of my life private away from my friends. Not intentionally, but I have so much going on right now that I would rather not talk about it. I have never been so stressed in my life and I don't feel the need to express it to anybody or even ask for help. Unfortunately, I don't have the kind of friends that can help me in the situations that I am in. Its all good, I know if they could help they would. Well, at least one of them would.
I think the pressure is making me a more irritable person. I think about how I have been such a good friend to some, and how I seldom get what I put out, in return. Now, before I sound like a whining baby, I am nice because that is how I am...not because I expect it in return. I don't give selfishly. However, damn!! lol It would still be nice to have what I've given out! lol I mean, u have to admit it...most of us treat people the way we want to be treated. I am not waiting for that day and never will. But when you are down and out and trying to get your hustle on, it pops into your mind, "I wish somebody would do for me what I did for them..."
Then reality hits. Thats right....I may actually care too much. So then I end up feeling like an asshole because I don't want to be a cold person by caring less. All of this pressure seems to push these negative feelings to the surface. I hate that. Thank goodness I am aware of this funky attitude I have. It makes it easier to keep it in check.
Anyhoo, I am being challenged and I am stepping up to the plate.
Fuck off. lol ;)
I still get my party on though!
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