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I miss being a boyfriend and I want to be one again. I can say that I am over with the idea of seeing my ex and rekindling "moments." When I say that I don't mean that I don't want to try it again in the future. It means that I am not playing myself anymore by entertaining his sexual advances nor am I going to throw myself at him like I have so many many many times. I honestly miss being there for somebody and I am ready to try and be a good man again.

Not looking for a huge production of a relationship and you know what...Im not even looking for a relationship. Its too soon..I think. I just want to meet somebody and feel nice. You know that tingly feeling you get when you first meet somebody? I want that...I want to give that to somebody. I want to cook for somebody and take them out to a different restaurant once a week. I want to slow dance in my room and have it lead to kissing and end up in my bed.

Somebody out there is very familiar with that last line.

I Guess.

So it has been awhile since I have last posted. A lot has gone on of course because this is a very important time of transitioning for me. The thought of writing it all is exhausting and Im just not going to because the moment has past and I just don't give a fuck.

I am good.

Weekend Blog (finally)

As you can see this was quite the weekend. I had a great time just hanging out, partying and laughing all weekend. Lets see…Thursday night was Embassy. We (my best friend and I) had straightened my hair. It was tall and out of control but we forgot to add products so I sweat my hair back to semi curls after dancing thru a few songs. I was sporting some sort of Elvis Mohawk…it was very cha cha looking but it worked. Anyhoo we got to the club a little before 1am and its Boston so we had about an hour left.

My ex was there with his boyfriend from NYC so that was a bit weird but it was whatever. What can I do? He has moved on and I so have I …to an extent. At least I have sexually. I made my way to my ex and said hello and we gave each other a kiss on the cheek. After that I stood there for a sec..with his new BF just looking at me. Not sure if it was a bad look or just a look. I tried not to make eye contact because of course it was weird for me. Clearly it was an awkward moment for the ex, and I totally understand. But I guess that’s not my problem.

(on a side note: My ex and his BF have been involved pretty much right after we broke up. Since then we have kissed, held hands, laid in my bed and even had oral sex within the last few weeks. Two weeks ago he stopped me in the club to tell me he misses me and that his first thought in the morning is me and that his last thought at night is me and that he wished he never would have moved out. I felt kinda dirty seeing his new BF face to face. Im not a cheater...but I felt like one.)

Either way I had a great time and I danced my ass off. Im starting to get my skills back and I am happy about that. My year of being depressed (2005)for no reason has been long gone so there is no reason for me to be shy about dancing anymore. I still get stiff sometimes and every now and then I get off beat…but I just keep going cuz practice makes perfect. Even though I am still having the same image problems as before, my self esteem is at a high right now. I just don’t give a fuck anymore. So that was Thursday.

Friday I got up early and got an HIV test. I kinda had an incident back in March and I was a bit worried about it. It was so low risk that when I told the man who tested me he giggled. Im not gonna say what it was lol. Just know that I am super safe and that is why to this day I am still Negative. I now owe my friend (so adorable) Miguel a date because I told him if I came out negative we would “celebrate.” Friday night we all went out dancing and drinking again. I now have a piece of glass lodged into my left palm because I cracked a 40 bottle of liquor open. It was fun swinging it around until the blood came. lol No more on that!!! I have decided to cut back on the drinking because if I keep drinking Im going to develop an addiction. For real.

Saturday I don’t remember. It was a long day and I think I slept a lot. I know on Saturday night we tore that damn club up! Once again I found a box to claim for the evening and I met somebody there from..guess where? New York. He told me him and his friend watched me dance and that they loved the way I move. I told him his friend was cute and we have kinda made plans to all go out this Friday when I get to NY. I just want to say that I love you Johnny and Patrice!! We need to kick it more...even if its outside of the partying.

Sunday I didn’t do shit. Just some very light grocery shopping to get thru the week before I depart for NY again. After this NYC trip I am going to try my BEST to stay away until late August. I need to not go out as much and focus on me. And I need to save up my money so I can move. Plus it costs a lot to look this cheap. lol

Stephanie, thank you for opening your doors to me and my closest friends. I might be quiet or moody looking or just plain weird..but I really pay attention and really appreciate everything.


Mikey

Good Times with Good People

Pic Archive.

http://redreportpics.blogspot.com/

This is where I archive the personal pics I have on my blog. All of the pics I use end up here.
For future reference you can always find this link when you click on my "About Me" pic.

Enjoy.

Waiting

Im just going to wait. Not sit around and wait...but wait for other "people" to show me what they want. Im not chasing anybody or anything anymore. Its not flattering and quite frankly its very tiring. If you want me....Im yours. Just like that. Play your cards right and do right by me. Im complex only because I like everything to make sense. I like to keep shit simple but people love to play games...therefore I am percieved to be complex. Trust me...its true.

Im so ready to love again.....

Me...Torn?

Ok. Lets get straight to the point here. I hung out with somebody I used to really be into. Like..really really be into(we'll call him Italy). For reasons I dont feel like typing, we just couldn't be together. It just wasn't happening. I let go a long time ago and of course I was with "him" for the last few years so I really wasnt thinking about anybody. However I will say that whenever me and Italy would speak or hang out I would always get this rush. Its hard to explain...but its a very anxious feeling.

We hung out for a few hours and all we did was just talk and watch music videos. Damn. I realize now why I like him so much and I guess I have never gotten completely over him. The ending (if there ever was one) was blank. Nothing happened. We just stopped. See. Look at me. I can;t even get my sentences together. He is from NY (lord where else?) and was just visiting. He wants to hang out when I get there so I guess I'll be calling him.

Before he left there was this very awkward moment where it looked like he was about to lean in and kiss me...but I backed up and he paused for a sec and then backed up himself. At least that is what it felt like....I could have just made it up. lol No...Im not. Im just trying to not get caught up. I figure its just not worth it at this point to start something up with him. Its the type of thing where I would want a lot out of it and I just can't give myself up like that right now. ::sigh:::

Well..in 2 weeks I'll be in NY and we'll see what happens then.

Allergies.

Why am I always unprepared for Allergies every year?? I spent about 23 years without them...so why in the hell are they all in my shit now? lol


Sux.

Floor Pics

I Have one more, but its a bit much. ::blushing::