I like them both but the chain makes me want to.....
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Forward
The reason behind me not blogging the way I normally do is because I have become complacent with my lifestyle. I have had this love hate relationship with Boston for years because most of my good friends end up moving away. I never wanted to feel pressured to move because everybody else is doing it. Im not that kind of person. I mean helllo..Im 27 years old and I JUST started drinking.
However this year sparked something in me to do so. I have endured so much pain and betrayal this year. I have said this plenty of times before but I will say it again, I am not a cryer. But that is what I did from February to about June. Maybe even once in July. lol Its been a really hard and challenging year for me but it has been so important and defining for me as well. I have learned a great deal about myself and I am not just stronger but I am also proud of myself. Proud because I still have my faith. The faith that I m talking about is in regards to myself and other people.
Lately I have been hanging out with some pretty kool people. All young and grown people of color who like to party but hold down jobs and take care of themselves. No fag scandals just really good times. I have been a part of this group of people since I stopped my NYC trips. I have been having such a good time that I have fallen off track. Its easy to lose site of what you have to do when you are having a good time.
I recently drank too much Patrone and had to be helped out of the club. lol I then went home and vomited 6 times. yeah. gross. I then got up a few hours later and went to work for 8 hours. It was miserable...but it woke me the fuck up. I got to stop partying and get on with my plans. I need to start saving again and continue with my goals.
I will post some pics soon.
Miss me,
Mikey
However this year sparked something in me to do so. I have endured so much pain and betrayal this year. I have said this plenty of times before but I will say it again, I am not a cryer. But that is what I did from February to about June. Maybe even once in July. lol Its been a really hard and challenging year for me but it has been so important and defining for me as well. I have learned a great deal about myself and I am not just stronger but I am also proud of myself. Proud because I still have my faith. The faith that I m talking about is in regards to myself and other people.
Lately I have been hanging out with some pretty kool people. All young and grown people of color who like to party but hold down jobs and take care of themselves. No fag scandals just really good times. I have been a part of this group of people since I stopped my NYC trips. I have been having such a good time that I have fallen off track. Its easy to lose site of what you have to do when you are having a good time.
I recently drank too much Patrone and had to be helped out of the club. lol I then went home and vomited 6 times. yeah. gross. I then got up a few hours later and went to work for 8 hours. It was miserable...but it woke me the fuck up. I got to stop partying and get on with my plans. I need to start saving again and continue with my goals.
I will post some pics soon.
Miss me,
Mikey
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Its Back
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I Miss My Camera
I have many pics I haven't posted because I am obviously full of myself. Notice there was no "lol" inserted. LOL Ok...here are some left overs that I never cared for..but all of a sudden. Once I get my camera back I am going to start shooting other people. Im hoping one person in particular will be my Muse. We'll see...
The shirt is fake. I Placed the "Go Mikey" on it. It is now my mission to get Go Mikey T-Shirts. yay!!!
Yes that is the lady in my life and yes that is the floor of my room and no it is not always that crazy. Just 90% of the time. Her name is Nina. But you should know that already.
The shirt is fake. I Placed the "Go Mikey" on it. It is now my mission to get Go Mikey T-Shirts. yay!!!
Yes that is the lady in my life and yes that is the floor of my room and no it is not always that crazy. Just 90% of the time. Her name is Nina. But you should know that already.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Another "Catch Up" Blog
Chicago
So I went to Chicago last weekend and had a great time. Chicago is like Boston meets New York. It is super clean (even cleaner then Boston) but is bigger and is open late like New York and yet is just as conservative looking as Boston. The public transportation is just as good as NYC but as easy as Boston. The similarities were insane. After my trip I find myself asking why the hell it took me so long to come here?? There is art all over the downtown area and there are trendy shops all over the place. I heart Chicago! lol
The one thing I didn't care for was the fact that I was the shit. Granted its nice being in a place where people like to look, stare and admire...Im not that full of myself so I would like to do some looking, staring and admiring myself. The only time I really enjoy being watched is when I dance. That's it. I appreciate it when it is done to me but it makes me self conscious after a while because admiring often turns into ugly shades of envy. PS, some man came up to me at a club and told me he would drink my bath water even if I pee'd in it. Exactly.
OK, enough of that. The friend I stayed with is somebody I have had a small crush on for a few months now. I figured I would stay with him since he offered. I wasn't really worried about staying with him because if he turned out to be a different person I would have just stayed with my Milan family in their hotel. Mikey is daring but not stupid. Anyhoo, he showed me around and treated me very well. We did the tourist thing and also hit clubs and restaurants and he even cooked me breakfast everyday and made dinner as well. We chilled and watched movies and even the Sade concert. Now...you know how I am about Sade. That woman taught me how to love thru her music. He even played Esthero all weekend. This man was trying to get me to move in! lol
I have a big crush on this man now and I have a lot of respect for him. Even if we stop talking today, I would always remember that weekend as one of my best. Nothing spectacular happened...it was just so chill and relaxing yet filled with all of this new stuff. I got to meet some of his friends and even 2003 Playboy Playmate of the year Christina. She is also Play Boy's first Latina Playmateof the year. What?? You never named dropped before?? lol Seriously tho...I wouldn't have cared to mention that if I didn't see that as a huge accomplishment. Google her...she is gorgeous and also better looking in person. She is super young too (24).
Dancing.
I decided to take up hip hop dancing classes so I can brush up on my skills. If you see me in a club and dancing within my element, you will see that I am a good dancer. However I love dancing so much that I feel I can be better. Actually I used to be better because I did shows while I was in High School. I was a choreographer for a few dance groups and even started dancing with a company. That was a long time ago and I stopped dancing for a whole year (2005) so I have been spending this whole year trying to get "it" back. People don't understand how much dancing means to me. Dancing is my drug because I really feel high when I let go.
So yeah, I get to the studio and I became very nostalgic. There was something in the air that was so familiar to me. I have no idea how to word it without being corny so we'll just leave it at that. There were a few times during the time I waited that I wanted to get up and leave! I became so intimidated but I realized that this was something I have to conquer. I developed a fear of not being able to absorb choreography. As a former dancer/choreographer that made me feels so ashamed! lol I stayed and although it was hard for me to get the steps, I got most of it and stuck with it as long as I could.
The teacher was cool and I will be coming back next week. Im hoping this opens the door for me to be adventurous enough to take more classes. Not just dancing but kickboxing and photography stuff...maybe.
I still have not had sex since June so I might be able to make it to January! lol
Cross your fingers please.
Fashion.
So a good friend of mine told me that a somewhat mutual friend of ours said on a few occasions that I have no fashion sense. The nerve!!! lol Shit...that is the first time some petty shit has managed to get under my skin. Its not because I am insecure and decided to question myself..because none of that happened. You know why? Because I create fashion I don't follow it. You know what..Im not even going to defend myself. Lets get to the damn point of why I got upset: The person who said this used to dress like me and borrow my clothes until he decided to find ways to steal high fashion labels.
Thats right...grown ass men stealing clothes. Now Im not trying to throw salt on anybody's game but please understand that when you have to resort to stealing shit to put on this facade of you being this high fashion diva..please be aware that the people around you know exactly who you are so please don't look down on them. That nasty/contridictive wannabe high class yet "normal like you" attitude is just as attractive as the insides of your nose after a club night. See what happenes when you live a lie? You start to beleive it!
So I went to Chicago last weekend and had a great time. Chicago is like Boston meets New York. It is super clean (even cleaner then Boston) but is bigger and is open late like New York and yet is just as conservative looking as Boston. The public transportation is just as good as NYC but as easy as Boston. The similarities were insane. After my trip I find myself asking why the hell it took me so long to come here?? There is art all over the downtown area and there are trendy shops all over the place. I heart Chicago! lol
The one thing I didn't care for was the fact that I was the shit. Granted its nice being in a place where people like to look, stare and admire...Im not that full of myself so I would like to do some looking, staring and admiring myself. The only time I really enjoy being watched is when I dance. That's it. I appreciate it when it is done to me but it makes me self conscious after a while because admiring often turns into ugly shades of envy. PS, some man came up to me at a club and told me he would drink my bath water even if I pee'd in it. Exactly.
OK, enough of that. The friend I stayed with is somebody I have had a small crush on for a few months now. I figured I would stay with him since he offered. I wasn't really worried about staying with him because if he turned out to be a different person I would have just stayed with my Milan family in their hotel. Mikey is daring but not stupid. Anyhoo, he showed me around and treated me very well. We did the tourist thing and also hit clubs and restaurants and he even cooked me breakfast everyday and made dinner as well. We chilled and watched movies and even the Sade concert. Now...you know how I am about Sade. That woman taught me how to love thru her music. He even played Esthero all weekend. This man was trying to get me to move in! lol
I have a big crush on this man now and I have a lot of respect for him. Even if we stop talking today, I would always remember that weekend as one of my best. Nothing spectacular happened...it was just so chill and relaxing yet filled with all of this new stuff. I got to meet some of his friends and even 2003 Playboy Playmate of the year Christina. She is also Play Boy's first Latina Playmateof the year. What?? You never named dropped before?? lol Seriously tho...I wouldn't have cared to mention that if I didn't see that as a huge accomplishment. Google her...she is gorgeous and also better looking in person. She is super young too (24).
Dancing.
I decided to take up hip hop dancing classes so I can brush up on my skills. If you see me in a club and dancing within my element, you will see that I am a good dancer. However I love dancing so much that I feel I can be better. Actually I used to be better because I did shows while I was in High School. I was a choreographer for a few dance groups and even started dancing with a company. That was a long time ago and I stopped dancing for a whole year (2005) so I have been spending this whole year trying to get "it" back. People don't understand how much dancing means to me. Dancing is my drug because I really feel high when I let go.
So yeah, I get to the studio and I became very nostalgic. There was something in the air that was so familiar to me. I have no idea how to word it without being corny so we'll just leave it at that. There were a few times during the time I waited that I wanted to get up and leave! I became so intimidated but I realized that this was something I have to conquer. I developed a fear of not being able to absorb choreography. As a former dancer/choreographer that made me feels so ashamed! lol I stayed and although it was hard for me to get the steps, I got most of it and stuck with it as long as I could.
The teacher was cool and I will be coming back next week. Im hoping this opens the door for me to be adventurous enough to take more classes. Not just dancing but kickboxing and photography stuff...maybe.
I still have not had sex since June so I might be able to make it to January! lol
Cross your fingers please.
Fashion.
So a good friend of mine told me that a somewhat mutual friend of ours said on a few occasions that I have no fashion sense. The nerve!!! lol Shit...that is the first time some petty shit has managed to get under my skin. Its not because I am insecure and decided to question myself..because none of that happened. You know why? Because I create fashion I don't follow it. You know what..Im not even going to defend myself. Lets get to the damn point of why I got upset: The person who said this used to dress like me and borrow my clothes until he decided to find ways to steal high fashion labels.
Thats right...grown ass men stealing clothes. Now Im not trying to throw salt on anybody's game but please understand that when you have to resort to stealing shit to put on this facade of you being this high fashion diva..please be aware that the people around you know exactly who you are so please don't look down on them. That nasty/contridictive wannabe high class yet "normal like you" attitude is just as attractive as the insides of your nose after a club night. See what happenes when you live a lie? You start to beleive it!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Ok, I get it. (revised)
What a year so far huh? Some damage control is in the works right about now because I need to have a smooth start into the next year. I have done pretty well with the whole "walowing" in my own self pitty shit. Or lack there of. I don't know if its because I refuse to sit around and feel like shit or if its because I'm just one numb motherfucker. Is motherfucker one word? It looks wrong...but whatever. You get it. As this year quickly progresses into its final days I am really proud of myself.
I have gone thru A LOT of horrid situations and yet Im still optomistic. I do have worries and I am still weary about a lot of things I am trying to accomplish in the near future...but thats human nature. Im ok, and I am going forward full steam ahead. I have made some serious mistakes this year and i have paid for them all...I really have. This time last year I was not any happier then I am now...I wont elaborate..no need to drag any names thru the mud. Me and my baby Nina are doing just fine right now and we are looking forward to starting a new life by the Spring. No need to put my plans out there anymore because I don't feel like talking about it anymore...I just want it to happen.
I am also not ready to date. This is a huge step for me because I have been making myself available all Summer yet I have said "no" a lot. Naturally I wanted somebody to fill the void of Libra (the ex) not to mention I'm a sex fiend. But it just doesn't feel right because in all honesty I am not completely over him and I dont want to be one of those guys that jumps into another relationship...thats just too many unresloved feelings. I don't need another person to validate the fact that I am a good man and that I am fully capable of loving. Its all in me and in due time somebody will reap the benefits of that fact.
But of course its bigger then the Ex Factor. The source of many of my emotional problems this year has been the realization that I had/have to change as a person. That is not an easy place to be when you are not used to being alone. But I am doing it. These past few weeks I have found myself seperating myself from the people around me. Not because I don't want them in my life but because my thoughts need my full attention. Does that make sense? It has been unintentional...I just started realizing this in these past few days when I started not picking up my phone. Sometimes keeping my mouth shut does me better. bleh.
So here I am..another new day and perfectly fine with doing it all on my own. No dates, no boyfriend, no ex-boyfriend and I am "relatively" celibate. lol
I think Mikey likes it.
I have gone thru A LOT of horrid situations and yet Im still optomistic. I do have worries and I am still weary about a lot of things I am trying to accomplish in the near future...but thats human nature. Im ok, and I am going forward full steam ahead. I have made some serious mistakes this year and i have paid for them all...I really have. This time last year I was not any happier then I am now...I wont elaborate..no need to drag any names thru the mud. Me and my baby Nina are doing just fine right now and we are looking forward to starting a new life by the Spring. No need to put my plans out there anymore because I don't feel like talking about it anymore...I just want it to happen.
I am also not ready to date. This is a huge step for me because I have been making myself available all Summer yet I have said "no" a lot. Naturally I wanted somebody to fill the void of Libra (the ex) not to mention I'm a sex fiend. But it just doesn't feel right because in all honesty I am not completely over him and I dont want to be one of those guys that jumps into another relationship...thats just too many unresloved feelings. I don't need another person to validate the fact that I am a good man and that I am fully capable of loving. Its all in me and in due time somebody will reap the benefits of that fact.
But of course its bigger then the Ex Factor. The source of many of my emotional problems this year has been the realization that I had/have to change as a person. That is not an easy place to be when you are not used to being alone. But I am doing it. These past few weeks I have found myself seperating myself from the people around me. Not because I don't want them in my life but because my thoughts need my full attention. Does that make sense? It has been unintentional...I just started realizing this in these past few days when I started not picking up my phone. Sometimes keeping my mouth shut does me better. bleh.
So here I am..another new day and perfectly fine with doing it all on my own. No dates, no boyfriend, no ex-boyfriend and I am "relatively" celibate. lol
I think Mikey likes it.
Monday, September 11, 2006
That Shirt.
I had to do OT for work on Saturday and I of course was running late. The good thing about working on a Saturday is that you can wear whatever the hell you want. I decided to wear one of my favorite little black t-shirts that use to belong to my ex. I never gave it back to him when we separated. It looked so good on him and I am sure he would love to get it back. But he has A LOT more of my stuff so he would never ask for it back for fear I would ask for my shit back. LOL Same goes for me. He has this ONE very fitted black button up shirt of mine (that I would really like to wear again!) but of course I wont ask for it back because he will then ask me for his t-shirt back. I know it! Lol
Anyways, I was looking alllll over the place for this t-shirt and I couldn’t find it. I exhausted all of the places it could have been when I realized that I hadn’t seen it since before I went to NYC. My heart sank for a sec because I knew that they probably went to the same place my Adidas went to….. Need I say more? I was devastated for a few moments and I let it go. It’s a t-shirt, I have other memories, material and mental. As I was solemnly looking for something else to wear I found it! I found the tshirt. I then had an emotional moment..i just began smelling the shirt and started to cry a bit. It was very brief and I proceeded to put it on like I originally intended to. I decided to wear my snake skin shell toe Adidas and as I looked in the mirror I saw that the shirt didn’t match the sneaker. So after all of that mess I decided to wear a different shirt. I ended up looking pretty good that day.
Honestly, I am happy that I didn’t lose that shirt. Every time I put it on I think about him. Not obsessively and it’s not like I walk around wearing it like a badge…its just a thought that goes thru my brain about him wearing it on the train in NYC on a very hot summer night. It was 4 of us. Me, 2 of my best friends (ever) and my (ex) man in Manhattan. It’s definitely worth hanging on to. Not for me trying to hold onto him (at all), but for the memory of 3 very important people in my life all together having a great time and looking damn good.
It was very innocent then...I love those times and I am looking forward to more of those in the future.
On another note I ordered them Adidas. I refuse to let some fucking crack head take my shit and just have me sit around and sulk about it.
Hi.
The "Shirt."
My Adidas.
Anyways, I was looking alllll over the place for this t-shirt and I couldn’t find it. I exhausted all of the places it could have been when I realized that I hadn’t seen it since before I went to NYC. My heart sank for a sec because I knew that they probably went to the same place my Adidas went to….. Need I say more? I was devastated for a few moments and I let it go. It’s a t-shirt, I have other memories, material and mental. As I was solemnly looking for something else to wear I found it! I found the tshirt. I then had an emotional moment..i just began smelling the shirt and started to cry a bit. It was very brief and I proceeded to put it on like I originally intended to. I decided to wear my snake skin shell toe Adidas and as I looked in the mirror I saw that the shirt didn’t match the sneaker. So after all of that mess I decided to wear a different shirt. I ended up looking pretty good that day.
Honestly, I am happy that I didn’t lose that shirt. Every time I put it on I think about him. Not obsessively and it’s not like I walk around wearing it like a badge…its just a thought that goes thru my brain about him wearing it on the train in NYC on a very hot summer night. It was 4 of us. Me, 2 of my best friends (ever) and my (ex) man in Manhattan. It’s definitely worth hanging on to. Not for me trying to hold onto him (at all), but for the memory of 3 very important people in my life all together having a great time and looking damn good.
It was very innocent then...I love those times and I am looking forward to more of those in the future.
On another note I ordered them Adidas. I refuse to let some fucking crack head take my shit and just have me sit around and sulk about it.
Hi.
The "Shirt."
My Adidas.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Too Damn Much
I am a busy person. I knew that I always had something to do but this has been ridiculous. I figured that staying away from NYC would help me live normally in Boston and that I would have all of the time to fix my room, feed myself, spend time with Nina and get back to me. I work 10 hours a day 4 days a week so during those 4 days I do close to nothing but eat sleep and work. The 3 days I have off I have been so busy with anything you can think of. Laundry, guests, bars, more guests, clubs and even boys. Yes...Mr...... Celibate has been not so celibate.
I still have not had sex since June but I have not been so innocent either. Not going to get into any details but I am responsible for my actions so I apparently need to work on my self control. As it stands right now, all of the fraud stuff is not completed. Still waiting for my bank and all of the creditors to get thru their investigations. That is a subject far too draining for me to get into.
I have been talking to a sweet guy from Chicago on the phone like 2 or 3 times a day everyday for the past month now. I have a huge crush on him and he has one on me too. I am going to visit him at the end of the month (hopefully) for a weekend. We are well aware of the fact that nothing is going to come out of this other then us being friends. Our lives and locations would not let us be what we could be...so its to just enjoy the little stuff we have now. Thas my babe right now...awwww. lol
On another note, my friendship with John has grown a bit as well. Lawd that boy is a clown. We actually speak a few times a day as well...it just never gets old. Its refreshing to know that there are still people out there that are about something. Even if his exterior is filled with fashion and shade...lol. He is a great guy and has a great boyfriend. I am so on their side. And when I say that I mean that I am happy to see 2 guys doing the best they can do to be together. No matter the distance or situation. Not that I have been here long enough to see "trouble," but I am optimistic for them. In a sense seeing their love reminds me of what I had but on a larger scale. It will take some time but I will get there...
Im feeling a bit pressured about money right now. Winter is coming and I need to buckle down and save save save so I can get the fuck out of this city. I played the lotto the other day lol. I obviously didn't win.
Thank God time is free....I need a lot of it.
Can you spare me some time?
I still have not had sex since June but I have not been so innocent either. Not going to get into any details but I am responsible for my actions so I apparently need to work on my self control. As it stands right now, all of the fraud stuff is not completed. Still waiting for my bank and all of the creditors to get thru their investigations. That is a subject far too draining for me to get into.
I have been talking to a sweet guy from Chicago on the phone like 2 or 3 times a day everyday for the past month now. I have a huge crush on him and he has one on me too. I am going to visit him at the end of the month (hopefully) for a weekend. We are well aware of the fact that nothing is going to come out of this other then us being friends. Our lives and locations would not let us be what we could be...so its to just enjoy the little stuff we have now. Thas my babe right now...awwww. lol
On another note, my friendship with John has grown a bit as well. Lawd that boy is a clown. We actually speak a few times a day as well...it just never gets old. Its refreshing to know that there are still people out there that are about something. Even if his exterior is filled with fashion and shade...lol. He is a great guy and has a great boyfriend. I am so on their side. And when I say that I mean that I am happy to see 2 guys doing the best they can do to be together. No matter the distance or situation. Not that I have been here long enough to see "trouble," but I am optimistic for them. In a sense seeing their love reminds me of what I had but on a larger scale. It will take some time but I will get there...
Im feeling a bit pressured about money right now. Winter is coming and I need to buckle down and save save save so I can get the fuck out of this city. I played the lotto the other day lol. I obviously didn't win.
Thank God time is free....I need a lot of it.
Can you spare me some time?
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Ok.
I spent the entire weekend alone and it felt good. I went out once with a friend because he was here from out of town. We went to a club/bar/restaurant(it has it all!) and got drunk. I met a cute (i think..i was drunk) guy there and we exchanged numbers. I assume nothing will come of that cuz it never does. Im proud of myself and this progress of mine. Sure I was bored, but who wouldn't be bored if they have spent every weekend this month in NYC? Its such a huge contrast.
I wasn't lonely at all and as a matter of fact I am really not in the position to feel that way. I am trying to remain celibate till the end of this year...so the less interaction the better. Im going to try and stay away from all of those cruisy sites that I have been going to and try to just focus on money, my body and moving. As always I will never deny my heart so if I for some odd reason I am blessed with the presence of a worthy person...I will do my thing. Till then I am going to focus on what lyes ahead.
Thanks to everybody for being so supportive in this shitty time of mine. If you read my last blog Im sure you will understand. But whatever...what can I do but just move on.
Its time for a new tattoo.
Mikey
I wasn't lonely at all and as a matter of fact I am really not in the position to feel that way. I am trying to remain celibate till the end of this year...so the less interaction the better. Im going to try and stay away from all of those cruisy sites that I have been going to and try to just focus on money, my body and moving. As always I will never deny my heart so if I for some odd reason I am blessed with the presence of a worthy person...I will do my thing. Till then I am going to focus on what lyes ahead.
Thanks to everybody for being so supportive in this shitty time of mine. If you read my last blog Im sure you will understand. But whatever...what can I do but just move on.
Its time for a new tattoo.
Mikey
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Distraught?
On my way home from NYC I realized that my bank account was close to Zero dollars which is unheard of for me. I of coursed called my bank to see what was up with my balance and that's when I found out....I am a victim of Identity theft. The worst kind though (and most common). It was by a person who is close to me. Since Sunday night all the way up until a few minutes ago I have found out his pattern. First he must have acquired my Social Security number then applied for 3 credit cards, got at least 2 of them and maxed them out (totaling over 1,500) with cash advances and Western Union transactions. Once he maxed those out he then got lucky and got a hold of my new debit card in the mail. So of course he took all of my money while I was in NYC.
Not only is this going on but I have a roommate addicted to crack who has just been informed by my other roommate and I that he has to move out. He has been a crack head the whole time he has been here but we never put 2 and 2 together. We just thought he was weird...hey! we are busy people. Also the person (who I have known for 9 years and who I was trying to help...) who took my "identity" is addicted to crack as well. That is why he did what he did...so you can imagine how shitty this situation is for me. Not only did this person take my "identity," but he took a pair of my (limited addition) Adidas and a very important letter that my ex sent to me that included some money that he owed. I came home early everyday for a week waiting for that letter...and it never came.
Where does this leave me now? All over the place. I have missed work the last 2 days because this person has a key to my house and I have been busy trying to track down all of the creditors that I now have "credit with." Not only that but I am dealing with the police (I filed a police report) trying to get info thru me from the creditors because if the detectives call they have to get a subpoena (which takes a month).
I emailed my ex the situation because I wanted to let him know that I know why I didn't get his letter. We spoke for a while and he of course gave me the "Im so sorry this is happening to you.." talk. I appreciate it because...well..I believe him. He then emailed me with this statement:
In that letter, I wrote some things on how I felt that day and how much I miss everything....
Keep your head up.
Love,
D***nd
It opened up a little bit of those old wounds and made me really bitter because it would have been nice to have something tangible..something to look at and hold that validated all of these left over feelings. But it was taken from me...just like my money..and just like my Adidas.
Now I have to do all of this paperwork in order to get my life on track. Im so tired mentally and physically. There are no words that can express what is going thru my mind. I am a very spiritual person and I know that we are given only what we can handle. And yes I am talking about God.
On a random note..I have decided to be celibate. I am tired of regular sex and I would much rather save it for somebody worth dating. Plus...do u really wanna fuck with a guy with all of this shit going on? lol
There is hope out there...and I am reaching for it.
Love,
Mikey
Not only is this going on but I have a roommate addicted to crack who has just been informed by my other roommate and I that he has to move out. He has been a crack head the whole time he has been here but we never put 2 and 2 together. We just thought he was weird...hey! we are busy people. Also the person (who I have known for 9 years and who I was trying to help...) who took my "identity" is addicted to crack as well. That is why he did what he did...so you can imagine how shitty this situation is for me. Not only did this person take my "identity," but he took a pair of my (limited addition) Adidas and a very important letter that my ex sent to me that included some money that he owed. I came home early everyday for a week waiting for that letter...and it never came.
Where does this leave me now? All over the place. I have missed work the last 2 days because this person has a key to my house and I have been busy trying to track down all of the creditors that I now have "credit with." Not only that but I am dealing with the police (I filed a police report) trying to get info thru me from the creditors because if the detectives call they have to get a subpoena (which takes a month).
I emailed my ex the situation because I wanted to let him know that I know why I didn't get his letter. We spoke for a while and he of course gave me the "Im so sorry this is happening to you.." talk. I appreciate it because...well..I believe him. He then emailed me with this statement:
In that letter, I wrote some things on how I felt that day and how much I miss everything....
Keep your head up.
Love,
D***nd
It opened up a little bit of those old wounds and made me really bitter because it would have been nice to have something tangible..something to look at and hold that validated all of these left over feelings. But it was taken from me...just like my money..and just like my Adidas.
Now I have to do all of this paperwork in order to get my life on track. Im so tired mentally and physically. There are no words that can express what is going thru my mind. I am a very spiritual person and I know that we are given only what we can handle. And yes I am talking about God.
On a random note..I have decided to be celibate. I am tired of regular sex and I would much rather save it for somebody worth dating. Plus...do u really wanna fuck with a guy with all of this shit going on? lol
There is hope out there...and I am reaching for it.
Love,
Mikey
Monday, August 28, 2006
Oh Summer
This was my last weekend in NYC for the summer and I have many mixed emotions. In a sense I feel like this year is over but of course its not. Its going to get harder. No more hot days beating the streets of NYC with the people who have sustained me this year. Up until the summer I was a huge emotional mess. Why mention the reason? This summer showed me how to open up and be myself again. I have met some cute guys and have considered dating a few but for one reason or another it just wasn't meant to be. I also was able to recapture my passion for dance. How bout I just list the things about this summer that have helped me in one way or another?
Genuine people who have showed me how to have a good time.
My Boston crew: Johnny, Danny, Patrice, Byron and Stephanie
My NYC crew: Harvey, Brandon, John and Frowen (and the many people I have met thru you 2), Eric, Carlos and Oso.
My eyes were definitely opened this year and a lot of people have come and gone and a lot of true colors were shown in such a short amount of time. A lot of fakers and fronters and plenty of people who bit off more then they could chew. Good sex, bad sex, a yearning to be wanted for more then just my body, self realizations, the hardest HIV test I ever took (negative but still..) hot club nights, a lot of booze, Richie, day breaking, getting over (and still) my ex, a lot of shopping, sushi, cooking, many many trips and accepting my weight problem. There is more but those are the ones that stand out.
Individual shout outs:
Johnny, thank you so much for taking me out of the house those first few times. Life was harder then you know before you came a long and showed me I could go out in Boston. And of course for introducing me to Patrice and Danny.
John, we finally met! Talk about MySpace networking? I enjoy you profusely and thank you for introducing me to Frowen and the rest of your eclectic friends. I admire and live thru you and Frown's relationship and I can only hope that things progress for you two. And of course I hope I am there for it.
Stephanie, thank you for being apart of my "coming back to reality" process. Your light and friendly attitude was such a needed breath of fresh air. We can drive anywhere and never stop talking.
Brandon, thank you for being patient and for being a real friend. I love you with all of my heart and you are one of my best investments. Its been what..7 years? Here is to another million (do u think we'll still be hot then? lol)
Harvey, you are and have been the brother I never had. I don't know where I would be or how I would have survived these last 4 years without you. Thank you for being one of the most constant people in my life (especially in these times). Let us now focus.
China, we can not talk for large periods of times but I know that I can count on you and you can always count on me. I could have died that rainy weekend but you came to my rescue. You may never know how much you helped me that day but I still think about it and it makes me emotional just knowing how selfless you can be. That prom forever changed our lives.
Daland, how weird is it for me to type that name? Im so use to typing the Ex,"Him" or any other variation. You have loved me like no other and yet you have hurt me just the same. Not sure if you were trying to undo all of the love that we built but whatever the case may be...I don't have it in me to hate you. Thank you for showing me that I can be very weak, emotionally and mentally and that I don't know it all. Realizing that has made me a better man because those are mistakes I will not make again. I will love again and thanks to you I know how sweet it is and I know how to cook, clean and put my needs (when appropriate) to the side for the next man I am with.
Ivette, my sister. This is the first time ever that we have been able to see eye to eye on many things and this is the first time I felt like we are related. I hope we continue this relationship. After all..we are stuck with each other.
This has been the longest, hardest year of my life and it is not over yet. I have a few more battles to conquer before this year ends. But so far, so good right?
Genuine people who have showed me how to have a good time.
My Boston crew: Johnny, Danny, Patrice, Byron and Stephanie
My NYC crew: Harvey, Brandon, John and Frowen (and the many people I have met thru you 2), Eric, Carlos and Oso.
My eyes were definitely opened this year and a lot of people have come and gone and a lot of true colors were shown in such a short amount of time. A lot of fakers and fronters and plenty of people who bit off more then they could chew. Good sex, bad sex, a yearning to be wanted for more then just my body, self realizations, the hardest HIV test I ever took (negative but still..) hot club nights, a lot of booze, Richie, day breaking, getting over (and still) my ex, a lot of shopping, sushi, cooking, many many trips and accepting my weight problem. There is more but those are the ones that stand out.
Individual shout outs:
Johnny, thank you so much for taking me out of the house those first few times. Life was harder then you know before you came a long and showed me I could go out in Boston. And of course for introducing me to Patrice and Danny.
John, we finally met! Talk about MySpace networking? I enjoy you profusely and thank you for introducing me to Frowen and the rest of your eclectic friends. I admire and live thru you and Frown's relationship and I can only hope that things progress for you two. And of course I hope I am there for it.
Stephanie, thank you for being apart of my "coming back to reality" process. Your light and friendly attitude was such a needed breath of fresh air. We can drive anywhere and never stop talking.
Brandon, thank you for being patient and for being a real friend. I love you with all of my heart and you are one of my best investments. Its been what..7 years? Here is to another million (do u think we'll still be hot then? lol)
Harvey, you are and have been the brother I never had. I don't know where I would be or how I would have survived these last 4 years without you. Thank you for being one of the most constant people in my life (especially in these times). Let us now focus.
China, we can not talk for large periods of times but I know that I can count on you and you can always count on me. I could have died that rainy weekend but you came to my rescue. You may never know how much you helped me that day but I still think about it and it makes me emotional just knowing how selfless you can be. That prom forever changed our lives.
Daland, how weird is it for me to type that name? Im so use to typing the Ex,"Him" or any other variation. You have loved me like no other and yet you have hurt me just the same. Not sure if you were trying to undo all of the love that we built but whatever the case may be...I don't have it in me to hate you. Thank you for showing me that I can be very weak, emotionally and mentally and that I don't know it all. Realizing that has made me a better man because those are mistakes I will not make again. I will love again and thanks to you I know how sweet it is and I know how to cook, clean and put my needs (when appropriate) to the side for the next man I am with.
Ivette, my sister. This is the first time ever that we have been able to see eye to eye on many things and this is the first time I felt like we are related. I hope we continue this relationship. After all..we are stuck with each other.
This has been the longest, hardest year of my life and it is not over yet. I have a few more battles to conquer before this year ends. But so far, so good right?
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