Custom Shades Rock!!!

With the help of my friend Ellis, I was able to take these pics. These shades make for good pics. I got them from these very talented twins, Coco and Breezy. I met them in SoHo last month and was floored by their funky style and amazing shades. They were literally causing a scene on Broadway. People were slowing down to look at them. Anyhoo, they are very sweet and made these shades for me. You can place orders on their website: cocoandbreezy.com

Dear Aaliyah,

It has been 8 years since you have left and I have made it a point to (try) dedicate a post to you every year. Be it on your birthday or on your passing. Aaliyah, your music inspired me to be as crazy into music as I am today. When you first came out with Age Ain't Nothing But A Number, I loved every single song on it. It was the first time that I realized I could become invested in an artist. When you disappeared between Age Aint Nothing But A Number and One in a Million, I panicked and read every music mag I could in order to find news on you. It was then that I started becoming music business savvy. And in true law of attraction fashion, I attracted many people in my life involved in and around music (or music school lol).

When One in a Million came out, I was floored at how different your music was. Actually, I was a bit confused because it sounded like nothing I had heard before. Sure, there was different music everywhere and I wasn't blind to it...but not in r&b. Not in pop and not in hip hop. Then came my interest in shiny pants from Tommy Hilfiger and my eyewear fetish lol. I even got the Yoji Yamamoto sunglasses you wore in If Your Girl Only Knew. I still have them to this day.

Somewhere between your first 2 albums, I became a dancer (was in a few dance groups and an urban dance company) and used One In A Million in one of my high school productions. The dance group I was in at the time did the song justice and I felt so good for being able to share my talent and love of your music. You released 6 singles from that album, sold 8 million world wide and proved that you were not the one hit wonder people predicted you to be.

By the time your 3rd album, Aaliyah, came out, you starred in Romeo Must Die, won an MTV VMA for Try Again, completed Queen of the Damned and were filming your parts in The Matrix. I was SO happy for you! I not only watched and invested in your growth, but I grew with you. We were the same age and our birthdays are a month apart. We both shared a connection to Sade (and I recently realized that you both share the same bday) and it seemed like the world was finally paying attention to all of your hard work.

However, on Aug 25, 2001, you got on that plane and never made it out alive.

I cried sincere tears for you and myself. I was going thru some young love shit at the time and this was the last thing I needed. But you know, everything happens for a reason and although I would love to have you here for the world to enjoy, you left a lasting impression on music (and me) and I could honestly not ask for anything more. You help put the wheels in motion and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, Aaliyah...you are apart of the soundtrack of my life and nothing can change that.

May you be resting in peace somewhere along with Biggie and Lefteye.

Missing you,

Mike Milan

I Choose.

Thats right, I choose. I choose everything that goes on in my life. The good, the bad...all of it. I think we are all aware that we have chosen the path that we are on..but to fully understand it is something entirely different. I understand it now and I refuse to short change myself. Easier said then done, but I feel like something has snapped in my mind. I only have ONE life and I am living it now. Its so basic, but when I really think about how much I am missing because of my choices, I think about how I need to stop being so scared to lose something I don't even have yet. And really, who gets everything without failing at some point? So I am getting myself to a place where I can just do shit without doubting myself.

Again, easier said then done...but I am so ready for this change.

On another note, my good friend Bory came to visit from Boston. She is the most optimistic person in my life. She breathes a lot of joy into my heart and I always love when she visits. Here are just a few pics from our fun weekend:

Back to Face.

I haven't shaved in 10 months. I only trimmed my beard and shaped it up...but a beard is a beard. Now, here I am with my mustache/goatee. Its a look i have rocked forever and its nice to see that after almost a whole year of something else, I can still go back to the beginning.

FYI, this pic is not photoshopped!

Dumb Date.

I had a shitty date 2nite. I'm going to describe it..but I don't want u to think that its a roast because its not. A guy on facebook asked me out on a dinner date. I was a little surprised because I haven't had that happen before. Honestly, online, people usually ask to hangout or to have sex. Lol I know...but its true.

Anyhoo, I agreed to the date and went in with no expectations. We could be better off as friends, not be compatible at all, be super into each other, decide to skip it all and just fuck or whatever. So we meet up at the time and place that he chose, he asked me if I ate and I said no, we get to the restaurant and he then tells me that he ate before he got here and was too full to eat a meal. He decided he would get a small desert and something to drink.

I felt weird because I didn't want to eat a whole meal while he ate a brownie. He then asked me if I wanted to leave and go to Coffee Shop. I thought he meant an actual coffee shop and not another restaurant named Coffee Shop, across the street. I said yes, and off we went. I was confused at first, but I went along with it. There was no desert menu (cuz they prolly show it to u after the meal) but he knew the menu and ordered a brownie and iced tea...you know what I ordered? Water. That's what I fucking ordered. "And what will u have?" "I'll have water. Thanks."

It was all downhill after that. I could not hide my disappointment, my face never lies. You know..I just don't get how u can set something like this up and show up with a full belly.

Ok, lets say that he lied. Maybe there was some other reason that he didn't want to share. He should have canceled. As a grown man, when u make plans to go out on a date, u should take accountability and try to make things right when they go wrong. There was no damage control. Just my water and his brownie.

In his defense, he seemed like a really nice guy and he really tried to get to know me and was asking lots of questions. He really tried to keep the convo going. But, I was hungry and annoyed...so it was a wrap.

We obviously won't be going on another date...ever. But I wish him the best of luck.

****ONE MORE THING****

I almost forgot about this part. While we were sitting at The Coffee House, he was trying to keep the convo going and actually said "Tell me about your last ex.." I thought it was so absurd....that I blocked it out. Who the fuck brings up failed relationships and ex's on a FIRST date?? a.mess.

Dummy.

This and That.

Lately, I have been thinking about...dating. (in my head) I have been kind of anti dating for close to a year now. Or maybe more. But...I thought of my last relationship and realized that I can't let that be the last relationship I ever have. I can't let that be the last time I fall in love. I don't want to take anything away from it or make it seem as if my last ex wasn't worthy, but I have so much love to give and I am sure that somebody out there deserves to have a good man. As do I.

I am not desperate nor am I going to do any searching...Im just letting myself know that I am finally open to the possibility. See, I mentioned here earlier this year that I believe I may never fall in love again and that I am ok with it. But once I thought about my relationship resume, I had a change of heart. lol

In that last relationship, I gave everything that I had but it didn't work. I am and always have been ok with it and have always known it was a great contribution to me as a person. All failed relationships have made me better for the next . Although my ex's will always have a place in my heart... there has to be more. And there will be...I know it. At first I believed that I would just move right along..but somehow I just got comfortable with the idea of being happily single forever. But that may come from the fact that my last relationship put me thru a lot.

Unknowingly, I shut down a little and my heart may have become a little lazy. However, I refuse to become a victim of love and war. I am too strong for that. My view of self worth is sometimes skewed because I forget that every aspect of my life counts. I deserve to give and receive love again.

Its just gonna happen when it happens.