Its not personal, but I don't like you like that..

...and I do not want to date you. Maybe you can take it personal, and you have every right to..but right now I am not into dating. I'm not even really into "hooking up" either. I do have "needs"..but they aren't important anymore. Those "needs" are a bit of a bother and sometimes require too much work. You are attractive, but I have other stuff that is occupying my time.

I appreciate your compliments...they never get old..but I still don't want to date you. Or him.

That's how I feel right about now. I just don;t want to be fucking bothered with guys right now (the swearing part is not supposed to sound angry..but I swear quite often when I speak. I'm not mad! lol). I actually have been kind of distant from my friends as well. This year I set off on this self improving journey and I have made some huge progress. I am very proud of myself for the things that I have done this year, but the more I accomplish the more work I see that has to be done. Its a bit unsettling, but not discouraging. At least I do not believe it to be.

I decided to try therapy to see if I could get anything out of it. I went to one appointment and half way thru it, I felt that I maybe didn't have to be there. Therapy would have been ideal in my teenage years or early 20's...shit..last year would have been good too. I have a few more appointments that I will use up before I make a final decision. The therapist asked me why I chose to try therapy..I was honest and told her that I realized that people are capable of change if they choose it...and I am choosing to change. I went on to tell her that I am an example against the common belief that people never change. I am not the same person I was this time last year. That Mikey was a very sad and lonely person. He also drank too much. lol

I expressed that I am willing to try anything a few times to see if it benefits not just the problems on the surface, but maybe even the way I process my thoughts and emotions. She seemed impressed..but it was my first time really doing something like this..so she could have been pacifying my ego.

Lets see...what else. Yes! how horrible is this karma?

e[10:47 PM]: so tell me about that guy u went out with
[10:48 PM]: was he ugly
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: no
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: he was ok
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: its so weird
[10:49 PM]: y?
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: and another reason why i want to move more..
G0Mikey [10:49 PM]: he tried to holla at me literally 10 years ago..when i was 18
[10:50 PM]: oh wow!
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: he was like 21
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: but he dissed me for somebody else
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: in a very shady way
[10:50 PM]: ahhhhhhhh
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: but that was 10 years ago..
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: im not mad
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: im passed that..but yeah..
G0Mikey [10:50 PM]: he hit me up...and was sweating me to meet up with him
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: and u know what? although i dont hold any grudges against him...
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: i just think he is apart of my past..
G0Mikey [10:51 PM]: and i want it to stay there
G0Mikey [10:52 PM]: no hard feelings..but u know...this time around..im the one thats not into u
G0Mikey [10:52 PM]: and im trying to tell him that without sounding shady
[10:52 PM]: awwww
[10:53 PM]: true
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: he called me earlier and i looked at my phone...
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: and i was like..yuck
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: and i felt bad
G0Mikey [10:53 PM]: but im not going to lead him on the way he did to me
[10:53 PM]: yeah exactly

I really need to stay off those gay cruisy sites! lol

Oh yeah...Happy Holidays. ;)

Self Check

I have no desire to get to (intimately) know anybody right now. I think I have been fooling myself and going with the flow of meeting new guys. Lately I have found myself turned off by being intimate. This is very unlike me...so I must be going thru some change. Naturally, I know we all want to be in the company of somebody we care for and can be intimate with. I still have those feelings...but I think the timing is off.

I have so much to do and the idea of getting to know somebody and all of their feelings is just a turn off for me. I do not have the energy to get to know somebody new, on that level. I believe in fate, so I am sure if somebody special came along, I would do what i felt is right. But I am not holding my breath nor do I care for that to happen at this moment. I will admitt that some situations have pushed me further into this direction, but I will keep quiet about that one.

My Thanksgiving was pretty sweet. Chilled with family, friends and got to eat some good food. I spent some awkward time with my estranged father. Bless that man..because he is such a loser at life. No hard feelings..honestly. If you knew this man, you would totally understand. My handsome brothers were there with there kids. I love my nephews...they almost make me want to grow up! LOL My nephew Bubba (its just a nickname!) followed me everywhere and was even sweet enough to assault one of my friends with a dropkick.

How sweet.


My younger brother and my nephew Bubba on Haloween.

Well, I like It.

You may not have bought these CD's (according to sales numbers), but I cannot stop playing them. Genuinely good writing, production and overall really good songs.

Each of these artist have writing credits on their album's, some have produced and or executive produced the entire product as well.

Forget what you heard, what you have seen or what you deem to be a person you think you know...

Good music is just that...good.

Give them a try.


I cannot stop moving to this CD. Non-stop dancing from start to finish. She co-wrote 2 songs and executive produced the entire project. Whether you want to admit it or not, these songs are amazing.


The best she has ever sounded. Surprisingly soulful, danceable and fun. When people tell me they thought this CD was bad, I always ask them if they listened to the right one. Really.


I actually did not like this CD when I first heard it. However, it has grown on me and I play it quite often at work when I need to focus and when I am in my room laying down.



This is R&B. Period. She sounds amazing and her songs were most likely too much for her Destiny's Child audience. This CD is very "grown."

There you have it. =P

Salon Red Will Kill You.

Ok, so maybe they won't. lol

But this is a review I placed on a website about the salon that destroyed my hair. I will let the review speak for itself.

Lets start at the good: The people there are extremely nice. It is attitude free and the environment is very comfortable and friendly. It is still a relatively new salon so walk ins are definitely do-able.

The bad:I am now bald. I went to Salon Red (the loft location near Best Buy on Newbury street) a few weeks ago to get my hair bleached (black to platinum). My hair was difficult to bleach because I had dyed my hair black a month prior to my appointment. It took over 6 hours to get my hair from black to an almost platinum color. The stylist and I decided it would be best to finish the process the following day. When I came in the following day, it took a few more hours and my hair was finally platinum.

My hair was obviously damaged and I understood why. However, my roots grew in pretty quick and I asked the stylist if it would be OK to get my roots touched up so soon after the first appointment(s). She confirmed that it would be fine so I scheduled a new appointment. We figured that my natural color would bleach much faster because during my previous session, the new growth from my black dye job responded well to the bleach.

Instead of bleaching my roots, the stylist applied the bleach to my whole head. My hair then broke off near the middle of my head. Hence making me look like I had a bald spot (actually, i do now). In a panic, the stylist and I chose to dye my hair a darker color (the color I wanted wasn't available). We dyed it a brown and my hair somehow looked worse. This process was physically painful because the dye apparently had chemicals that irritated my already bleached scalp. After all of that, my hair was like a Brillo pad. I was very upset, but everybody was so nice that I just paid, gave the stylist a tip and left.

I later received a call from the salon and they told me they voided my charge and that I can have a free service the next time I come in. Not only that, but the owner/master stylist contacted me and asked that I come in the following day (to the main location, not the loft) so that he can try to salvage what is left. Very nice right?

Well, all of those nice gestures meant nothing because when I called to see what time was best for me to come in, the receptionist told me that the owner wanted to reschedule my visit to 3 days later. He was overbooked. That was my last straw.

I shaved my head because while drying my hair after a shower, my hair shed all over the towel and was very crunchy. My hair was destroyed and the only thing I could do was get rid of it. After painfully shaving thru all of the parts of my hair that felt glued on, I noticed that the darker color did not cover all of my roots. So I had very short brown hair with platinum spots all over my head. I had to go completely bald to get rid of the mismatch colors. So finally, after all of the hair was gone, my newly bald head had scabs and brown color stains.

It is safe to say that I will not be going to Salon Red for any of my hair needs.

I honestly would have felt better about the whole situation had the owner followed up like he said he would, but he did not. I was asked to submit a review from the stylist who ruined my hair (before she started the bleaching). I would never have known about this site otherwise.

I suggest that if you are looking for a hair stylist please ask for the most experienced person relevant to what you need and if you are on Newbury Street, do not do Salon Red.

After I posted this info, I noticed that some of the reviews were from friends of the owners and one person in particular had the nerve to LIE and say she flys from LA to Boston TWICE a month just to get her hair done. I know of this person and I KNOW that is not true.

Anyhoo, I will get my hair dyed again..but by someone who knows what they are doing.

Its True.

I'll have better shots in a few days.

I wrote this on the train...

It falls apart and picks itself up. Over and over like an unforgettable melody that traps itself in my subconscious. I own my heart, but it bears ur reflection. These days are fine now and I'm growing but ur eyes hold so many secrets and yet... I can see right thru to ur self inflicted wounds. No more accusing because we are both to blame and we will never be the same. But I love you baby, and I always will.

Funny

Recently, this guy I have known for years sent me a message about his sister hanging with a mutual friend of ours. I gave a shady reply and he didnt take it too well. I later clarified that it was just a joke. lol

JK!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: XXXXXX Date: Nov 1, 2007 10:27 PM: LOOK UPMY SISTER PAGE..SHE AND ALAN ARE TTHE BEST OF FRIENDS..AND THAT BITCH DONT EVEN CALL ME..WHAT IS UP WITH THAT....SHE ON MY TOP FRIENDSCRAZYLADY..OH LOOK AT THER PICS AND MY COMMENTS..LOL

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Go Mikey Milan!Date: Nov 1, 2007 10:31 PM: u should teach ur sister how to wear makeup. its supposed to make people look better.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: XXXXX Date: Nov 1, 2007 10:47 PM: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL AND RIDICULOUS, I KNOW THAT SHE WEAR A LIT TOO MUCH MAKE UP BUT THATS NOT ON YOU TO SAY IT A LEAST TO ME. DONT BE DISRESPECTFUL TO ME AND MY LIT SISTER. I KNOW THAT U WOULD LIKE IT IF I MADE A COMMENT LIKE THAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER...THAT WAS VERY AN CALL FOR AND I DID NOT LIKE YOUR COMMENT AT ALL...

Down in Virgina.

I had the privilege of visiting my friend John and staying in his home. He is such an amazing person. I have met very few people with as much drive as him. This weekend I was able to see where a lot of his magic comes from. Everything from his diverse neighborhood, friends, family, school, job, old school hangouts and hot spots.

It was not like how we do when we are in NYC, this trip was far more organic. Everything about him is larger then life. Physically..he is a tall man, everything else follows suit. It was great to see this country-like surrounding helped create such a creative and cutting edge person. As soon as I got to his house, his Mom had already prepared Chicken Adobo. I never had it before, but it was great tasting and ethnic. It reminded me of my grandmothers cooking. She sang around the house and was very talkative, I could feel so much warmth from her and I saw a lot of that in John as well.

If you are ever around my Mom long enough, you will see the traits I have inherited from her...impatience and shady glares. lol

But yeah...it was a very relaxing weekend and I have a lot more respect for John (not that I ever lacked any..)

Not only do I consider him to be a good friend, but I see him as a person who is good for me. Sometimes you look up and you realize that somebody is good for you. He is far from perfect and I do not idolize him. That is just a set up for dissapointment. Nonetheless, he is a good influence and I appreciate him.

On a random note, he knows how to draw his mans face without looking at any pictures. You have to really love somebody to know their features inside and out.

Beautiful huh?

Oral Business.

This is a random question I had to ask somebody I have been sexually active with. I wanted to ask this question for awhile...so on my way home from the gym, on my sidekick, I asked this question:

Mikey: So yeah..I have a random question...and u will laugh..or read..or both
Mikey: U there?
xxxx: i am
Mikey: Ok...when I gave u head...how was it? Cuz I really never do that..and my ex didn't like head..so at one point I didn't do it for 3 years...I'm just curious
Mikey: I wanna know if I'm doing it wrong
Mikey: Lol
Mikey: :-[
xxxx: QUITE good
Mikey: Ooo
Mikey: Ok
Mikey: That's good to know
Mikey: Thanks
Mikey: I be scared to do it
---------------------- 10:22 pm ----------------------
xxxx: u should do it more
Mikey: Lol

There you have it! I know how to give head. lol

My Ritalin Odyssey

Where did September go?

I'll sum it up:

RIP Angie Infiniti (pictured on the left). You will always be an important part of my life. No words can describe how much I learned from you. You were the most selfless person I have ever met.

I Love you.

I worked close to 6 days a week

One of my best friends moved back to Boston

Louisiana paid me a visit..and so did my house bro.

I was placed on Meds for my ADD.

It was all capped off with my trip to Atlanta, which is the bulk of this blog.

Here goes....

I went to ATL to meet somebody I have been in contact with for the last 7 years. I have always had this slight crush on him because after all of these years I never lost interest in him. We spoke online and sometimes on the phone and he always brought a lot to the table. One of the smartest people I have spoken to and extremely attractive.His pictures showed me an adorable face...his eyes filled with unknown innocence and pouty lips that would make anybody want a kiss. Its amazing how 2 people can make contact thru a website and manage to maintain a friendship for so many years and not have officially met.

Along with being friends, we flirted a whole lot. It has always been simple. No expectations and the flirting was not what kept us in contact. These are some of the things that made me like him throughout all of these years. Buying the ticket was a bit scary because I knew that things could possibly change. However, I am new. Where I wasn't into risk taking, now, I am. Everything before I got on the plane was very normal. My feelings weren't going crazy and I didn't feel like something was going to happen. I wanted to go into this with little to no expectations because I had no idea what to expect. But...beneath all of the neutral feelings, somewhere inside me, I love this man..and I have for many years now. I was never sure (and still not sure) what kind of love it was (is) because I was with somebody for a few years in between and well...I just don't know. That's all I can say...I guess. Maybe as I am typing the rest of this blog I'll figure it out...or not.

Fast forward to when I got off of the plane. I walked towards him and all of the feelings, big, small and hidden...did not come to point like I thought they might. Maybe it did, but was so small I didn't notice. I expected maybe a big hug and lots of smiles. Maybe just a couple of smiles. None. I think I gave a shy smile but it was met with expressionless eyes.I felt like I was meeting up with a friend for lunch that I saw the day B4. Very anticlimactic. Again, before I left I made sure to have no expectations, I simply went to meet this man face to face because 7 years is a long time and I felt comfortable enough to get on a plane for this "meeting."

Being that this was my first time meeting him face 2 face, I let it go because I didn't know if this was how he is. Some people are very expressionless and you don't get a sense of that by chatting online or conversations over the phone. People are multifaceted and sometimes you have to see them in the flesh to get a better understanding.

There were some little things I learned about him that made me a little sad. But I understand that is my problem and I have to remember that people live their lives differently. And its ok. My views are mine and nobody else's. It was nothing major and Im fine as long as he is.

At the airport, when I was leaving, I decided to make the effort to give him a hug since the opportunity was missed when I first got there. I started to give him a big hug but it was met with one of those pat-on-the-back hugs. Very business and impersonal.

I am a little disappointed. I hate admitting that because you know....I tried to go into this with no expectations. But, I feel like I now know this person less then I did when I got there. I do not like him any less. At all...I still have so much love and respect for him because he is still a good person. I do, I really do.

We have different shoes to fill.

And you know, I didn't have a bad time...I actually had a good time. I pushed all of that weirdness aside for most of the trip. This is what I went there for...to meet him and see what he is like in person. He is no less important to me then he was before I went on this trip.

It's close to 2am and I am still awake, writing.....

Keep It Down.

The title of this blog is brought to you by one of my favorite songs off of the album Tasty, from Kelis.

So far, this month has been filled with work. I have been working pretty much 6 days a week and I have barely had enough time to clean my room. Going from having 3 days off a week to just one day off a week is kind of taking its toll on me. My patience is very short and I really don't feel like entertaining anybody's shit right now. This blog can get really long because I have a lot to say...so I will bullet some items to make this a smoother process.

*Money. I am on greed status, so I will continue to work my ass off thru September.

* Friends that act brand new: If you don't have time for me now, then I will fall back and make sure not to include you in what I do. If you decide to have time for me again, I still will most likely not include you in anything. I used to have this friend who would always act like he had no friends when he was involved with somebody else and would show up when they were having problems or when he was single. I cut him off because I didn't need fair-weather friends.

Flash forward to now, and another one of my friends is following in my previous friends footsteps. Men like that are usually weak minded/needy and for some odd reason lose site of their friends and surrender themselves to who they are with. Its like this new person is some sort of savior.

Fool me once, but not again. I aint got time for that shit.

*Im still single, but I have been spending my nights for the last month on the phone with somebody I like. Not sure how to take it because there are so many negative variables. However, I have been very honest with this individual and he knows that I am not looking for a relationship. He is very sweet and adorable...a shorty too. I got mad love for the shorties. ;)

*One thing I don't believe I have shared before is that I recently saw a specialist for ADD. So, what I have always known is true...I have ADD. I am now taking the proper steps to dealing with it in a more effective way.

*I went to a ball yesterday and brought Jesse (the girl I took pics of with the blonde hair) with me. She took a look around and looked at me...paused..and said, "Mikey...you don't fit in. What are you doing here?" I laughed it off, but she was right. It is time to leave that behind me as well. I judged and once my duties were done, I left and felt very confused. Honestly, I have no business being in that scene anymore. I am loyal to my House so if I ever make it to NYC, I will rethink my decision, but for now, it stands.

*I have some trips laid out,
September: Atlanta.
October: Virgina.
November: New Orleans.

I have a lot more to say but I am bored of typing already. Maybe its my ADD...lol

These are some pics from the ball and also some pics of a dinner date that 3 lovely coworkers and I had a few weeks ago.













Thanks for getting this far.

So It's August...

And...I ended up getting the job that I applied for awhile back. This is my third week going into that job and I am still in awe that I got it. Not because I am getting paid a shit load more or that it is going to make my resume look amazing...but because this is what I have been planning for the past two years. I have been a career gypsy since I started my employment history and when I left my previous job (the worst job EVER) I told myself that the next job I get will be different. I was going to get a job that allowed room for growth, and I was going to take any opportunity I could get. That is exactly what I have done. This is the second position I have gotten here and also the job I wanted the day I figured out this position even existed.

It is not the best position nor the job of my dreams, but it is the job I wanted and I am proud of myself right now. It wasn't easy and its not going to get any easier but it is an accomplishment. With this new position comes a lot of change. Its also a different schedule and different location. No longer am I close to the trendy shops that made it (too) easy to spend my money. I am in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but my job. Its whatever...I need this. Its focus time.

Well...after I splurge for a bit. I need a little bit of Marc Jacob's in my life.

Speaking of which...I am going to switch up my style again. I cant look like this anymore. All of these fun clothes have to go...I feel like a damn eyesore.

More serious clothes...not too serious...but some serious elements. I always play with fashion and last year and made it look fun. But now its time for winter couture! Grrrrr

lol ok..enough. Im getting ahead of myself...I dont even have money for half of that shit...lol

I may have another photo shoot this weekend. Cross them fingers!

;)

Jessica

Ain't she lovely? This is my assistant. She helped me during my first shoot (with Erin) and also during my shoot with A Hero Next Door. These pics were fun to take because we mesh so well. I look forward to more shoots with Jessica infront and behind the camera.

The Inside Shines.

It is what it is. I have been very fortunate this past week and hopefully things will continue to fall into place.

Be proud of Mikey, Im on track. :)

Practice Makes Perfect.

As usual, it was around 2am when I decided I was "bored," and needed to practice different angles with lighting. I was sitting around in my Calvins so I decided to throw on some skinny black jeans. It went from simple to dark and sensual and I also played with the color of the lighting in Photoshop. I cant wait to try this technique on somebody else. I have a few projects still lined up and Im pretty excited about them. So far I have been doing things outside since its Summer and the sun is bright, even in the shade.

I am taking a trip to NYC this weekend and I hope to get some good shots of one of my best friends. Hopefully we can fit in some time for pics in some of the backstreets in SoHo. Let me tell you how hard that is when you have a shoppers state of mind like my friends and I have. Focus!!! lol I am also hoping to get some live shots of A Hero Next Door (the band I took pics of). One of the projects that is coming up is one of a girl running down the street with some couture on. Cross your fingers for that one. haha

A Hero Next Door.

My first band pictures! It was a new experience for me because I am used to subjects that are meant to be looked upon as beautiful. I am not saying these guys are ugly, but they are a rock band...totally different direction. I like the outcome...but Im sure I will love the next time I get together with these guys. As usual, they were a little tense at first, but again, next time will be different. I plan on working with everybody I have worked with already for more shots. None of the people I have worked with are used to being in these kinds of pictures. So I am breaking them in.

One of my goals was to take everyday people and present them in a different light. Taking pictures of models is really easy because really gorgeous people look good in almost any pic. I am not knocking people who use models, that would be hypocritical of me being that models are my next step, but straying from the technical beauty is a challenge. Especially when you are like me...I am not trained at all. This is self development, and I must say that I am a little poud of myself.

Thanks for reading this far, and I hope you enjoy the pics as much as I enjoyed taking them.

Jessica, thanks for your help.

Mike Milan

http://www.aheronextdoor.com/

http://www.myspace.com/aheronextdoor