A Hero Next Door.

My first band pictures! It was a new experience for me because I am used to subjects that are meant to be looked upon as beautiful. I am not saying these guys are ugly, but they are a rock band...totally different direction. I like the outcome...but Im sure I will love the next time I get together with these guys. As usual, they were a little tense at first, but again, next time will be different. I plan on working with everybody I have worked with already for more shots. None of the people I have worked with are used to being in these kinds of pictures. So I am breaking them in.

One of my goals was to take everyday people and present them in a different light. Taking pictures of models is really easy because really gorgeous people look good in almost any pic. I am not knocking people who use models, that would be hypocritical of me being that models are my next step, but straying from the technical beauty is a challenge. Especially when you are like me...I am not trained at all. This is self development, and I must say that I am a little poud of myself.

Thanks for reading this far, and I hope you enjoy the pics as much as I enjoyed taking them.

Jessica, thanks for your help.

Mike Milan

http://www.aheronextdoor.com/

http://www.myspace.com/aheronextdoor

Open

Sexy like the meaning and intelligent like a bulb is bright
Erotically addictive thru verbal spells
I self destruct thru mental orgasms as I take apart your being and I feel my flesh soften during our conversations
Part narcissism but all genuine
I look at the floor and I know...I know that this is true
I am falling forward
Its been a long time coming
You are not mine
But I am now mine again
Thru experiences, whether they be forced by physical intoxication
I am falling into me
Not to be held by my own heavy heart but to be freed by my sudden attraction and the realization that I am a man who loves a lot and will love even more

In My Heart

This is an exerpt from my heart. I wrote this in a matter of moments....

"...quietly while you were asleep, I kissed your face and the world stopped spinning.
I ran a marathon in my brain trying to figure out what fate has in store for us.
My kiss traveled to your neck as I embraced you...and I melted into your
pretty brown skin. I lived a lifetime in our embrace and I have never let go. Like a shooting star with no landing in site, my heart..my soul... travels thru the sky for you."

After writing this little piece I had to ask myself?

"How many times must I die?"

"Is this ever going to change?"

Today, was a rough day and I am raw with emotion. I don't care to explain why because its just too painful to share anymore. You dont always have to take a step back to fall into unresolved resentment and emotional vulnerability.

Time will heal me, and that I am greatful for, because everyday is new. With every new day I am a step closer to where I am supposed to be, mentally, spiritually and physically.

Baby steps.

Regardless.

I took some pics today. Yay! It was supposed to be a very Maxim inspired shoot, but some people canceled out on me at the last minute. It was actually in a very rude and inconsiderate way. However, life is like a boomerang, and they will get theirs. Nonetheless, my subject and I, Jessie, walked around the city and took whatever shots we could take. It was very windy, sprinkling and hot. We did the best we could.

The Sum Up.

I saw Nelly Furtado this past Tuesday and she was AMAZING. Despite her recorded music and her live performances I had seen on youtube or award shows, her voice was much bigger then I expected. I actually expected her to strain thru some of her songs. She was everything and more and I cannot wait to see her again.

I was still sick when I went to see her but turns out..I wasn't sick. The doctors took my blood and ran a lot of tests and they were scratching their heads. Everything as it seems was fine, and the day after I got my results..I felt brand new again. Some of it was mental, if not most. Im in a very crappy place right now. Im realizing everyday that I need to step it up a notch. I will give myself credit because I am trying everyday to change things around me. Applying for higher paying positions and setting up photoshoots when I can. I may have one coming up this Friday. Cross your fingers!

Progress is very slow right now and I am have been even more antsy now then I was before. I need to not live in this apartment anymore. It is really affecting the way I think and as I have stated before, once I get out of this place I'll be able to think clearly.

Thats all I do lately...think. Don't take this as a complaint. Its just what it is. Im tired of complaining.

My good friend that lived with me who moved away from Boston, is moving back sometime next month. I am excited because it will be so good to have him around again.

I don't need a vacation, I need to leave.

Whats Wrong?

I have been dogged by fatigue for the past 6 days now and its getting out of hand. I went to the gym once and could barely do 30 minutes and I cant do anything fast without feeling like my head is going to fall off. This exact time last year (almost to the exact DAY) I had similar symptoms but they were not as drawn out. Im wondering if its seasonal allergies or as a friend brought to my attention, I could be lacking something. Something like vitamins or iron or some shit like that. Or worse case scenario I could have something like diabetes.


I have a doctors appointment tomorow so I'm at least on the right track. I need to shake this bullshit. Im such a productive person so it kills me to be too "tired" to finish a work day. I had to call my mother to pick me up early from work today. Im a grown ass man...why am I calling my mom? lol After I hung up I cried a little in my coworkers cubicle. Not like weeping...just got very emotional and teary eyed because its so frustrating to feel this way. Even my fucking joints are tired. Im a dancer. Things like that hit me hard when I cant walk without feeling achey. Its not a sad feeling..its a feeling that pisses me off.


I hate to be stopped. That could be it.

This semi-sickness is like being in limbo. Am I going to wake up feeling better tomorow? or am I going to get worse? None.

I stayed in all Sunday so I could rest and be beter for today. To stay productive, I cleaned and took some pics of myself. Damn Im skinny.

I Stand By Me.

I have been single for quite some time now and I (been) am very ready to move on. Im kool with the whole ex situation..its done. Im kool. Lets move on. But....this city always proves itself to not have anything to offer me. Tonight was a nice smack in the face.

Thats all I will say about tonight.

On a seperate note, I no longer have a crush on that particular person. Im not dissapointed at all. We have a freindship developing and I preffer that over anything else. But it was great to have that pure feeling after all of this time. So something good came out of it either way. Yay!