Distraught?

On my way home from NYC I realized that my bank account was close to Zero dollars which is unheard of for me. I of coursed called my bank to see what was up with my balance and that's when I found out....I am a victim of Identity theft. The worst kind though (and most common). It was by a person who is close to me. Since Sunday night all the way up until a few minutes ago I have found out his pattern. First he must have acquired my Social Security number then applied for 3 credit cards, got at least 2 of them and maxed them out (totaling over 1,500) with cash advances and Western Union transactions. Once he maxed those out he then got lucky and got a hold of my new debit card in the mail. So of course he took all of my money while I was in NYC.

Not only is this going on but I have a roommate addicted to crack who has just been informed by my other roommate and I that he has to move out. He has been a crack head the whole time he has been here but we never put 2 and 2 together. We just thought he was weird...hey! we are busy people. Also the person (who I have known for 9 years and who I was trying to help...) who took my "identity" is addicted to crack as well. That is why he did what he did...so you can imagine how shitty this situation is for me. Not only did this person take my "identity," but he took a pair of my (limited addition) Adidas and a very important letter that my ex sent to me that included some money that he owed. I came home early everyday for a week waiting for that letter...and it never came.

Where does this leave me now? All over the place. I have missed work the last 2 days because this person has a key to my house and I have been busy trying to track down all of the creditors that I now have "credit with." Not only that but I am dealing with the police (I filed a police report) trying to get info thru me from the creditors because if the detectives call they have to get a subpoena (which takes a month).

I emailed my ex the situation because I wanted to let him know that I know why I didn't get his letter. We spoke for a while and he of course gave me the "Im so sorry this is happening to you.." talk. I appreciate it because...well..I believe him. He then emailed me with this statement:

In that letter, I wrote some things on how I felt that day and how much I miss everything....

Keep your head up.

Love,
D***nd

It opened up a little bit of those old wounds and made me really bitter because it would have been nice to have something tangible..something to look at and hold that validated all of these left over feelings. But it was taken from me...just like my money..and just like my Adidas.

Now I have to do all of this paperwork in order to get my life on track. Im so tired mentally and physically. There are no words that can express what is going thru my mind. I am a very spiritual person and I know that we are given only what we can handle. And yes I am talking about God.

On a random note..I have decided to be celibate. I am tired of regular sex and I would much rather save it for somebody worth dating. Plus...do u really wanna fuck with a guy with all of this shit going on? lol

There is hope out there...and I am reaching for it.

Love,
Mikey

Oh Summer

This was my last weekend in NYC for the summer and I have many mixed emotions. In a sense I feel like this year is over but of course its not. Its going to get harder. No more hot days beating the streets of NYC with the people who have sustained me this year. Up until the summer I was a huge emotional mess. Why mention the reason? This summer showed me how to open up and be myself again. I have met some cute guys and have considered dating a few but for one reason or another it just wasn't meant to be. I also was able to recapture my passion for dance. How bout I just list the things about this summer that have helped me in one way or another?

Genuine people who have showed me how to have a good time.

My Boston crew: Johnny, Danny, Patrice, Byron and Stephanie

My NYC crew: Harvey, Brandon, John and Frowen (and the many people I have met thru you 2), Eric, Carlos and Oso.

My eyes were definitely opened this year and a lot of people have come and gone and a lot of true colors were shown in such a short amount of time. A lot of fakers and fronters and plenty of people who bit off more then they could chew. Good sex, bad sex, a yearning to be wanted for more then just my body, self realizations, the hardest HIV test I ever took (negative but still..) hot club nights, a lot of booze, Richie, day breaking, getting over (and still) my ex, a lot of shopping, sushi, cooking, many many trips and accepting my weight problem. There is more but those are the ones that stand out.

Individual shout outs:

Johnny, thank you so much for taking me out of the house those first few times. Life was harder then you know before you came a long and showed me I could go out in Boston. And of course for introducing me to Patrice and Danny.

John, we finally met! Talk about MySpace networking? I enjoy you profusely and thank you for introducing me to Frowen and the rest of your eclectic friends. I admire and live thru you and Frown's relationship and I can only hope that things progress for you two. And of course I hope I am there for it.

Stephanie, thank you for being apart of my "coming back to reality" process. Your light and friendly attitude was such a needed breath of fresh air. We can drive anywhere and never stop talking.

Brandon, thank you for being patient and for being a real friend. I love you with all of my heart and you are one of my best investments. Its been what..7 years? Here is to another million (do u think we'll still be hot then? lol)

Harvey, you are and have been the brother I never had. I don't know where I would be or how I would have survived these last 4 years without you. Thank you for being one of the most constant people in my life (especially in these times). Let us now focus.

China, we can not talk for large periods of times but I know that I can count on you and you can always count on me. I could have died that rainy weekend but you came to my rescue. You may never know how much you helped me that day but I still think about it and it makes me emotional just knowing how selfless you can be. That prom forever changed our lives.

Daland, how weird is it for me to type that name? Im so use to typing the Ex,"Him" or any other variation. You have loved me like no other and yet you have hurt me just the same. Not sure if you were trying to undo all of the love that we built but whatever the case may be...I don't have it in me to hate you. Thank you for showing me that I can be very weak, emotionally and mentally and that I don't know it all. Realizing that has made me a better man because those are mistakes I will not make again. I will love again and thanks to you I know how sweet it is and I know how to cook, clean and put my needs (when appropriate) to the side for the next man I am with.

Ivette, my sister. This is the first time ever that we have been able to see eye to eye on many things and this is the first time I felt like we are related. I hope we continue this relationship. After all..we are stuck with each other.

This has been the longest, hardest year of my life and it is not over yet. I have a few more battles to conquer before this year ends. But so far, so good right?

Mariah Carey Milestone.

So I saw Mariah Carey this evening and I have to give it to her...that lady can sing. Sure there were some flat notes from time to time, but if you sang like Mariah for 2 hours Im sure you would do the same. I was supposed to go with my Ex but it didn't work out that way. I honestly thought he didn't want to go anymore because he avoids me all the time. He doesn't answer my calls, return my voicemail's or answer my questions via email correctly. I would ask him how to do something technical on the PC and he would reply with "I went on a job interview today." lol You gotta laugh at that shit..I do.

So I asked somebody else (my "sister") to go at the last minute because he didn't return my last call. Its all peace man, really. He has a new man and I know how he gets with his man. I should know. I figured out of respect for his man he wouldn't go to the concert with me. But knowing him he would have lied to his man anyways...if you read my Libra blog you know what I mean (its a MySpace thing...). To say the least I am so GLAD I didn't bring him. Some of those ballads would have killed me and I would have had a completely different experience. There were some songs that made me forget where I was because they stirred up memories of us. I love memories of us because those were some of the best memories of my life.

That's life. Shit happens, people fuck up and fuck you in the process. I don't have it in me to hate him because I still love that man. This concert marks a milestone for me because I have been waiting for it to come and go so I cannot have an excuse to have contact with him. I just want him to do his thing with his new man and let me move on. I would also like for him to introduce us one day because Im not a hater, I can handle it. Im sure he is a nice fella. I am. He dated me. Maybe he really meant it when he said....well..nevermind...bleh.

On a random note I saw Esthero on Thursday night. I have to dedicate a whole new blog for that one because it was so phenomenal I have to gather up the energy. lol Plus I am waiting for some pics to post with it.

Love over The Manhattan Bridge.

There is a fella out there that I have always carried in my heart. I carried him even throughout my last relationship. Now..as I have stated many times before, I was seriously in love and believed that I was with the man I would spend the rest of my life with..regardless of the problems we encountered. But every now and then I would question myself because I just could not shake off these feelings for this particular person. The feelings were never strong enough to make me get up and leave because I don’t follow my heart if I believe its pointless. Lets face it, our hearts can get us into a lot of problems. Especially when you have a big heart like I do..lol. I promise you that its in me! =P

I mentioned him in a blog recently and when I wrote it I was blown away at the fact that I could still feel that way after all of these years. Its been close to 6 years to be exact. Aesthetically he is the best looking man I have had the pleasure to be intimate with and when it comes to conversing he is on the same level as me. We can talk about anything and he can even shut me up. Unless you are Tony Milan, that is a hard thing to do. He is the only person after all of these years that has made me nervous before we would meet up and…lord..lol. Yeah..its a mess.

We unintentionally met up 2 times this weekend and partied together. He even got me drunk on Saturday…Im not even a drinker anymore. Everywhere we went there were men falling over him and asking to buy him drinks, and coming onto him in the most awkward ways. It was amazing how unattractive he made me look. If you know me well..you know I really preffer to be with a man that can make me look bland. This guy is so humble and down to earth it is ridiculous. Never have I met somebody so damn hot and so unaffected. He is college educated and goal orientated and I am proud of all that he has accomplished. Im proud to know somebody like him and I am so glad that we are still friends. Yet there have been these feelings…

So on Saturday night he drove me back to Brooklyn from partying in Manhattan at around 4am. We took the Manhattan Bridge into Brooklyn and as we were driving over that bridge I realized…like fully realized that it was never going to happen. I somehow either missed my opportunity (years ago) or plain and simple he just never saw me as dating material. Just sex and friendship. And you know what..I was perfectly fine with it. I love this man for being who he is…not because of some “feeling” I get around him. I can so breathe easier around him now and I don’t have to worry about what I look like or how crazy I shouldn’t act because he never judged me in that kind of way. Don’t get me wrong! He is not without fault…cuz I can list quite a few! But why list them?

In the middle of that warm breeze thru the car window on a bridge overlooking Manhattan, I managed to let go of “that” love to gain a better understanding of our friendship and embrace a new love.

Thank you Italy.

Happily Unhappy

This was a very long day and it really sucked towards the end. I don't feel like listing all of the things that sucked about today but trust and beleive from the moment I woke up I knew this was going to be a battle of a day. I learned some lessons today that I will carry with me for quite some time. But let us get to the point of this blog.

As shitty as this day was and as dissapointed as I was about everything...I got something great out of it. I realized that I was unhappy about what went on during the day and it had nothing to do with my ex or being lonely. None of it. I think I just don't give a fuck anymore and honestly I could care less of him as a person. I still love him but how could I not? He was my everything for pretty much the last 3 years of my life..but its done, I know he is a nasty person now and Im good. Finally. So my emotions are mine again. So yes...I am finally happily unhappy.


Thank you.

Insert Sad/Aggravated Face

So I missed my Rihanna concert. I had bought tix to go see her back in June. I was really feeling SOS around that time and saw that her tix were cheap so I bought 2 and figured I would bring my ex because we have seen a few concerts together and were going to see Mariah Carey and Sean Paul later this month anyways. Also I was still stupid in love with him so Im sure somewhere in my brain I thought it would make things “better.” Whatever that means. I had told my boss last week that I wanted to leave early on the 8^th so I can go to this concert. He said it was fine as long as I came in early to make up for the time I would be losing. I woke up late, thru some clothes in my puma bag and got to work on time (for a change). So I was a little down that I couldn’t leave early. I asked a 2 coworkers of mine if they wanted to go and they said no…so I was about to ask somebody (attractive!) I just met. I had told him the night before I might ask him to go and he said he would.

Any-fucking-hoo, joke was on me. I called ticket master so they could email me my tix again and they told me I missed it. The concert was on the 3^rd. =( On top of that I saw that Gnarls Barkley is going to be performing this Friday and tix were already sold out! Devasting. I have blasted that CD for quite sometime. Some of those songs are spiritual to me..and here I am…no Rihanna, no boyfriend and no Crazy Gnarls Barkley.

And this work day sux.

How bout that??