Holiday Weekend Semi Reflection Rant

This Holiday Weekend came and went without me leaving the house. This is the second Christmas (in a row) that I have not celebrated. This was not planned however it wasnt a let down either. Next Holiday Season (because I most likely will not do anything special for this New Years Eve) I will be much more pepared because I refuse to pass up on partying and being just a little drunk. I guess its a fitting end to a year that I intentionally sat out of. I decided last year that I would sacrifice my year so that I may be able to go on this small journey of self healing in a different country. Well I plan on being back this coming year...but of course in a different way.

I love New Years...its such an excuse to go 180 on everybody w/o having to explain yourself.

This is the first year in 4 years that I have not indulged myself in a pair of Dior shades. NOW...I am not a label person, but I have an eyewear obsession. Its a sad obsession because I cannot see w/o my regular glasses and I refuse to wear contacts. I pretty much wear my Diors a few times for minutes at a time and then put them away. I got my first pair in South Beach while on my way to my (then) boyfriends hotel to get the money he owed me and to formally let him know it was over. I thought it would be "fab" to show up and look like the sexy people on Ocean Drive with a huge pair of Christian Dior Motards (flashy aviators...very JLO circa '01).

On my way to his hotel I stopped by this Drugstore that seemed to have hired the country of Cuba(im not racist...just blunt). I needed some water because it was so damn hot (it was july) and I didnt want my mouth to be dry when I cussed my (then) boyfriend out. I took a swig of water and was on my way. A few blocks later I realized that I couldnt read any of the street signs w/o my regular glasses on. It was then that I realized that I had left my regular glasses in little Cuba's Drugstore. Im not going to get into how I managed to find my way back or how rude the staff was to me because they thought I was accusing them of stealing when all I was doing was asking them if they had a lost and found.

I didnt get my regular glasses back and I never made it to my (then) boyfriends hotel. But I had my Diors and it looked great with my tan.


Wasn't this blog random?


These are not Diors. I actually don't even own these.

Just Wanted To Share Some Skin

The background was my tacky bathroom so I photoshoped the shit out of it to make it look like a studio photograph. Im critical about good pics. My days in the darkroom did me good. Who wants to help me get back into shape this year?

Say What?

Ok so I work in the customer service dept for a student loan company and I talk to so many different people from around the world..litterally.
This job never fails to let me know just how not-smart people can be. Getting a loan thru us is really a simple process. Follow the directions. Its as simple as that. However these people have to call over everything and some of the things they say to me cause me to really wonder how they made it this far in life where they are really going to college. I can't even form sentences about it anymore...lol Here is a list of some of the things these fuckers say:


Promissory Note:

1. Promishinary Note
2. Pronomanasary Note
3. Promise Note
4. Prominary Note
5. Camasory Act (by far the BEST)

Disbursement Date:

1. Disembursement Date
2. Dimbursement Date
3. Dismember Date (also...the best)

Co-Borrower/Co-Signer

1. Co-Borrier
2. Co-Borrer
3. Co-Acting
4. Co-Maker (my fav..lol)

Credit

1. Credik
2. Credikt


You know what...I have so much more. Especially quotes. But Im not in the mood to write about this now. I got other shit on my mind..like the blog Im about to write after this.....maybe Kerri can help me!

Comments.

I changed the setting on my blogs so that people can comment and remain anonymous. I hope I do not regret this.


Oldie but Goodie.

King Kong

You know why this movie got such good reviews? Because the people who reviewed it get paid to sit around and watch movies. That shit was too fucking long. It could have ended right when they got off Skull Island and it would have been enough. But of course what would this remake have been like w/o that beast jumping up and down in NYC? The special effects were nice but it was used so much that it just started to look fake. I loved the stampede part and I fell out when King Kong whooped those dinosaur's asses because he was really knockin' them bitches like a drunk man at a bar who knows how to throw a GOOD punch. Im talkin' bout GOOD hits! Like one of them old man hits...the kind that knock you the fuck out hits. Yeah one of them.

After awhile I really thought the movie was Jurrasic Park with all them fucking dinosaurs running around and shit. Wait...the natives. They were such nasty awful people. It was like the people from the Matrix (not the people living IN the matrix [us?] but the people hiding from them machine things..aw hell..you know what I mean) were turned into black ass zombies. And I dont mean black people...I mean PAINTED black by dirt or some kind of shit. Yeah...prolly their own fecal matter. They just looked like they stank too. And they had this old lady too..she kept talkin all this nonsense in their native tongue. If I was that blonde girl I really would have told her to stop all that crazy talk. "You need to shut that shit down...Im white and I dont speak you." Yeah thats what I would have said. I mean hell..at that point in time they looked they was about to kill her...so what did she have to lose by talkin shit? They didnt speak english no damn way!

Anyhoo, it wasnt a bad movie it was just too fucking long. After awhile I felt sorry for King Kong because he was out of his element and he showed emotion towards that blonde ho. However it was either us or him so he had to go! The one person I wanted to be killed off was that fat fuckin director that got them in that mess to begin with. He would have sold his family up the river for some kind of directorial fame. And of course the black man got killed. Well don't just listen to me...go see that shit for yourself. I really wanted to see Brokeback Mountain but they were playing it in small places that were just too far away. Shit...I have porn at home.



Is that Jack Black? He shoulda died. Its not too late actually...

Black Girls

I hate black girls. They are truly the worse. Let me clarify something though....I don't hate black people or black females...I hate black GIRLS. Let me specify a little more...I dont hate black WOMEN..I hate black GIRLS. Them black girls are so judgemental. They always got something to say and they always think because you are pretty and gay that you are somehow no longer a man. I have always tried to disregard this because I grew up with black people and I have really good black friends so I didnt want to seem racist (but who isnt to some extent?). But I cant battle the fact that me and most of my friends have always had troubles with these ghetto black hoes on the streets.

Yesterday I was on the train and these two black girls with bad pony tails was acting so shady and loud. The train got really crowded because everybody gets on this particular line since it goes to the mall. Right before the train enters the station the girls get up and start giving rude "excuse me's!" to everybody in their way. Guess where I was standing..the door. Yes people...they were headed my way. I don't give a fuck if you're a girl or not...you better not push me. So these hoes stop right behind me and to my suprise nothing happened. They didnt throw shade or suck their teeth. But I still hated them. lol

LOL

And Still

..no fucking sex. We all reap what we sow.


I got some after this pic....which reminds me of sex.

Stringing Along

Now is the time for action. So why are some people just sitting on the sidelines trying to figure out whats going on? Its happening right in front of your eyes! Maybe Im too much or just plain spoiled because I beleive in imediate and long term remedies not cover ups. A very sad situation I am in however I will survive. Life goes on.


Currently listening to "Stringing Me Along"
from 702. Remember them? I love them!

Sex and Fashion

Great combo right? Apparantly not all the time. I am such a sexual person and I thrive on sharing mutual lust for somebody. I want to be wanted just as much as I want...for somebody else. Does that make sense? You know like Marvin Gaye: "I want you the right way, I want you, but I want you to want me too." See Im not asking for anybody to give me what I would not give back. I can be just as giving and appreciative as the next person so give me what I deserve man!

Tonight I will once again go to bed with nothing in return. I want so much and I show it and I prove it all the time. Im not being selfish. I often find myself just giving up now. At one point I would pretty much demand what I felt I deserved. I cant do that anymore. I will not do it anymore. I hate to say this but if things dont change there will be reperucussions. I like to think Im attractive. Other people think I am too...well when I was single I felt that way. Now I know I have let myself go a little bit but not by that much. Sex should not be this difficult.

Anyhoo on to fashion. I have ALWAYS been fashion forward. My mom used to design clothes and dressed me in Lacosse (among other lables I cannot afford as an adult) at a very early age so I grew up with a sense of style. As I got older I experimented with a lot of different looks and I was never afraid to be alternative or grungy. I have had very long hair and very short hair and I have rocked my styles right. Fades, blow outs, braids, cornrolls twists, and dyed. I havent done it all..but I have done enough with this hair of mine.

I have felt the most comfortable in loose fit clothing. Although I grew up with many influences I have always leaned to my hip hop roots. I spent a big part of my youth in LA during the 80's while my uncles were in gangs and breakdancing. Lord thank gawd I didn't get into that cholo style!!! Anyhoo this last year has been tough on me financially and my taste has been changing. Not to mention I have been losing and gaining weight so much that depending on when I bought my clothes it might not look the same a month after its purchase. So since I havent been able to shop as much or even remain the same size, my clothes do not match. Either my t shirts (because thats all I have been able to afford) either look too small for my jeans or vice versa.

Footwear has been a battle too. I have fallen into this Puma wrestling boot phase that now makes me sick to my stomach. I really loved them at one point and I always managed to get the most exotic and expensive pair out there. Even if they had to be imported. Now I hate them because I can't afford anything new. So Im stuck in this sort of prancing shoe mode. Don't that shit suck? Im ready for a new style. Or at least something constant. What really needs to happen is I need to stick to a healthy diet and stay one size long enough to not have to feel like Im too small or too big therefore ruining whatever clothes I have recently purchased.

I just wanna get my nice body back so I can walk around half nekkid. I mean when I had a really nice body it was covered in baggy clothes. Now that Im older and I get way less sex I want my body back so I can feel sexy ....since I dont get any of it. Damn this is a long blog! Well to sum it all up...lemme do some push ups and put on some feel good clothes and seduce myself to sleep (again).

I would like to thank this blog for letting type all of this shit up. lol

::muahzz::



Fur Anybody?

PG-20's

I do not sleep with kids.

First of all I am involved with somebody and I am not sleeping with any new people period regardless of age. However if I were single I would not sleep with kids. That is gross. If you want to sleep with kids fine..do it. That’s your prerogative and I can’t stop you..nor will I try. I have heard some rumors about myself for quite sometime now in regards to sleeping with young men. Boys basically..and its gotten to a point where stories are being made. Stories that even include my boyfriend and having him be this huge victim to my infidelity. He laughs at it…but I know it bothers him..and it sure bothers me.

Its one thing for people to get upset because you don’t entertain their advances, but its another thing to make up stories. Stories are disturbing. What kind of a person does that? Ok..call me a whore. Say that Im easy and I sleep around. Everybody has had that told about themselves one time or another. Whether it be true or not. But stories that give specific details of when and how things went down is fucking disturbing. Makes you want to fight really. Call me all types of names and judge me all you want..thats ok. Its called an opinion. Or ignorance..whatever. But do not make shit up about me…I do not appreciate that.

Character assassination anyone? Right. I am honestly concerned with my reputation. I usually don’t give a shit either because I don’t give a shit about anybody’s views. But I don’t do children…c’mon now. Why does the end of the year for me always have to be tight? Every year…it never fails.

So its Thursday

Im just here chiling and healing. Yeah Im healing! And what? I am nervous about coming home because I am not going to have that much time in between coming from here and going to work. Such a huge change in eveything. What they call cold here is perfect weather for us...maybe some of us would put on a very light jacket over a t-shirt...but i mean really..the weather is fucking nice!

I am dramatic. Drama follows me to different countries too. Im telling you...the internet is the devil.



San Jose Costa Rica.

Attention

Do I look stupid to you? I hope the answer is yes because you need an excuse.


Thanx.

Concerts

So this month I have been lucky enough to see Nikka Costa in a small and very intimate venue and the Harajuku Lovers Tour. First off let me say that Nikka was amazing. And I'm not saying that because the tickets were $12!! lol She really made me know it that night. Watching her was like watchin sex. She made passionate love to that whole performance and her voice....whoa. She really reminded me of a totally rocked out Chaka Khan. Her vocal control was flawless and her adlibs were excpetional. She is a must see. I brought my boyfriend and he was floored. He didn't know too much about her but he is now a big fan. And I am so proud of that. I love intorducing people to good music. Music is my life.

On to the Harajuku Lovers Tour. In case you are completely out of touch with pop culture, the Harajuku Lovers Tour is Gwen Stefani's first tour as a solo artist. Opening up for her was the Black Eyed Peas. They were so energetic and funky! They have excellent stage presence and I didnt feel like anybody was any less important then the next member. That is so important for a group. We don't need anymore Destinys Childs showing us that all we need is 1 and a half members to make a 4 or 3 member group.

My boyfriend and I were very close to the stage and we sat to the side of the stage so we saw everybody coming and going from the stage. Fergie's voice is also a person who has amazing vocal control. Talk about somebody who sounds exactly like they do on CD! She even did all of her falsettos....even after high notes. Big ups to BEP for sampling Guns N' Roses "Sweet Child of Mine," for the ending of "Don't Lie."

Ok now for Gwen. I expected her to be good..but I wasn't going to be suprised if she lip synced or sounded like shit. She is not a Nikka or a Fergie but she was great though. She really held her own up there and even sang 2 new songs. Her show was good but I think it will be better when she has more music of her own because she didnt touch any No Doubt songs. Im glad she didnt because it showed respect for her band. My hands are tired.....

I gotta get ready for the gym because I leave for Costa Rica on Monday and I wont be able to go to the gym for a few weeks. I wll miss you all.....I will try to Blogg before I leave..and possibly while Im there.


Nikka Costa

So This Weekend...

It fuckin snowed. Can you beleive it? Before Halloween...it snowed! I really hate that shit man. When I moved here from Cali I was not excited to finally see snow in person. I looked at it like..."o...its snowing." Not upset but not excited either. But fuck it now..i get upset. Fuck Snow!!!!

So yeah I just got full confirmation that one of my friends is not healthy for me. I still care for him because I honestly want to beleive that he is a good person...because that is how he portrays himself. But what I really saw this weekend (and have been seeing for quite some time now) is that he really is all about himself. Himself his drugs and his way. His way being getting what he wants at everybody elses expense. I say his drugs because we have a mutual friend that used to be an addict but yet he is very carefree about sharing them with him.

I know his train of thought though and of course his excuse will be that this friend of ours is grown and can make decisions for himself bla bla bla. This is true. It still don't make it right. If you leave a steak in the middle of the floor for an hour...do you think that a well trained pet isnt going to eat it? I mean anything is possible...but lets be real...c'mon. I am not saying that our mutual friend will become an addict again...but he has started some new drugs. So yeah...

I have paid a lot of attention...I really have, because you are the company that you keep. Right.

Heeeey!

So it has really been awhile since I said I would update this..i think. I have had a very busy few weeks. Think old skool Trannie from LA, Search for a new roommate, passport madness, non speaking turned to speaking situations with good friends and getting kicked out of a Halloween party (twice) that was being thrown by my previous job. I know I missed something! LOL

I have so much to comment on that Im just not going to. Thats right. I'll just get down to the lesson I have learned in the last few weeks: Selfish people don't change. Thats right people! If you have a friend that is close to you that has that nasty selfish trait, realize right now that they will not change. They might modify their behaviour...but the selfishness will not go away. Yap.

Sorry

Why is this word so hard to say for some people? If you did something wrong be a fucking man (or woman) and appologize. And just to clear things up...admitting to something wrong is NOT the same as appologizing.

This blog is dedicated to a few people right now.

Very Interesting Evening...

I have to really sit and think about this next blog before I type it. I really dont want to miss anything out because I have some good reads! lol but yeah..im leaving this blog as a reminder to myself. Trust me....you'll like it. Just think...tall volley ball playing Fem Queen from LA who doesnt tuck..... riiiiight.

Last Name Queen, First Name Judy!

This is true. She had applied for loan and got denied. I wonder why? lol for those of you who get this Im sure you are falling out. I know I did.



Girrrlll!!!!

Vertigo

Yes kiddies I am suffering from vertigo...again. My glands are swollen too. Not sure if I am just noticing it now for the first time or if this is new. The swolleness that is. I just wanna make it to Costa Rica dammit!!

Call me...k?

Heeeeeey!

So my job took away certain web sites from us. Us being the employees of course. So yeah..I cannot post blogs from work anymore nor can I check my outside emails or Myspace. Bastards!! All of them. It’s soooo not busy anymore. When I had to take like 80 plus phone calls a day I had full access. But now im taking 30-to50 calls a day. Mind you I work 10 hours a day. So 30 to 50 calls aint shit. So I sit in between these f-ing calls thinking about what I can do next. Mess. Life at a call center.

Recently while at work I had an incident in the restroom that had me run to my cubicle in embarrassment. When I go to the lil boys room I refuse to use the urinals unless they have dividers! I will not stand there with my unit hanging around for somebody else to see. Especially when I am peeing!! Sorry but that shit is too personal. My job has no dividers so I always go into the stalls. So I go into the bathroom and head to the stall as usual and was handling my business. I noticed there was somebody in the next stall handling their business too. But they was not peeing…feel me? Lol right.

So after I was done I went to get some toilet paper to wipe the seat (hey! At least I wipe it!) and as I was pulling the toilet paper it came off of the rolling thing and fell to the floor. Not only did it fall to the floor but it rolled over into the next stall! I was still holding on to the sheet part of the toilet paper so I started pulling it so I can get the roll back into my stall. It didn’t work. I kept pulling that shit and I started sweating because the person in the next stall was quiet which made me super embarrassed and nervous. Just as I was about to apologize and run out I gave the roll one hard tug and it flew into my stall. I picked that shit up so fast, wiped the seat with a wad of paper flushed it immediately and ran out.

I sit next to the restroom so I ducked into my cubicle and collected myself. I never got to see who was in that stall. What if he was dead!? Lol Ok that’s dramatic. Im actually typing this at work. Im going to email it to myself and cut and paste this bitch. On a random note our new roommate is moving out already. I think he can’t afford to live there because he has been looking for a second job these past few weeks. Oh well. He’s dirty anyways. I can’t stand a motherfukka that can’t clean up after himself w/o somebody telling them. Grow up bitch! Shit.

On with the interviewing!!

Hello Mike.

There was a point in time in my life where I would not allow people to call me Mikey(though some people were relentless). I thought Mikey was too young sounding and it made me feel like a damn baby. Mike was not a baby. At all. So yeah when I got to that point in my life where I was trying to find myself and get myself together I didn't have to worry about Mikey VS Mike because I had like 2 friends for like 2 years and they called me Mike. I took a break from everything: Clubs, people, SHOPPING and dating.

Well when I came back from my hiatus I felt like a new person. I really did. So....I decided to go by Mikey. lol It went well with my brand new views on self and other people around me. Everybody I met from there on would get my introduction as Mikey. It was great. I have been going by Mikey for about 4 years now. Don't get me wrong I don't have a split personality, Im just feeling very Damita Jo about the situation!

I am a cold person. I didn't grow up with family values because my family didn't have any. So I have always had low tolerance with people. I didn't (and still don't) take any shit from my family so why should I take it from others? Well I changed that way of thinking for a while. Like 4 years. It's time to change again.

And it feels right.

It's not gonna stick because I am a happier person when I am not as cold ...but right now I need to be this way. There are some people that I adore who have been walking all over me and that is not gonna work. The people that I cut off before were really shitty fuckin people and they still are but some of the people I am cutting off now are not. They are good people...but nobody is w/o their flaws. However I will only suffer for so long under somebody else's flaws. I would rather be alone.

A quote I am currently entertaining:

"Change is coming. I don't kiss ass so don't get me confused...I am the bridge you need to cross over...so make sure to clean your fucking feet when you cross it because I like to throw bitches off. "

Mike is back.

And Another One.

You know somebody is wrong when they pussy foot around questions. You also know when people are not "too proud" of what they are doing when they conveniantly leave details out of conversations.

Im still on cut off mode so its all good. Maybe I'm crazy but I have standards for the people I keep around me.


Bye.

Oh Behave!

They havent taken my internet option off ...YET. So I am blogging from work. Its been very slow lately and the days are soooooooo much longer. I am going on a boat cruise this evening courtesy of my job. Amen to free food. So yeah....I have so much on my mind that its hard to get any of it out.

Im sefish. Very selfish and very stubborn. I felt like I was getting better with those two things but I think Im starting to regress ...but in a big way. OMG! I think I need to be punished! lol

I need new clothes. Maybe if I get a new look my attitude wont suck as much. Lately I have been treating people the way I feel I have been treated by friends I used to have around me: despensable. However I like the clothes I have now...I just need some new ones! Im trying to re-invent myself in a lot of ways. Sometimes you just have to just shed.

I have made some decisions Im sure I will feel bad about but I wont regret them becasue they were right at the moment. Life goes on.

So yeah I need some new clothes! If I can keep this weight on Im gonna turn into a tight fag I know it. Wearing more fitted clothes me horny. ha ha This blog sux. I keep getting interupted by phone calls...so its all watered down and messy. Fuck off you love it!

Feb 15

Remember what I got for my birthday? My birthday this year was right up there with the birthday I had when my mother busted my lip for popping a fucking balloon. Yes there was blood. Both this birthday and that birthday scarred me for life. So why should I invest in somebody's birthday that contributed to such a horrible time in my life?

We're all good now. But maybe I'm not that over what was done to me. It's so crazy how we are all good until some random reminder just pops up. I'm sorry but birthdays don't do it for me right now.

Four More Weeks

Thats right. Four more f-ing weeks till I go to Costa Rica. I am still very excited and still very scared. Lord it's late. I have work in the morning. But I just had to get a blog in for this weekend because my job is evil and blocked my blog from the network. Assholes.

Anyhoo my good friend from NY(Brooklyn) came to visit for the weekend and we cut up as usual. I had to cus some man out for beeping his horn at us because we were walking on the side of the street. As he drove by us I noticed his window was down and said "PS Its a red light asshole!" And of course it didnt stop there. I continued to walk behind his luxury SUV and kept poppin shit....even as we walked by it. So of course the driver being the big man that he is decided to yell back....when the light turned green...and yes he was driving away. Pussy.

We went to the gym and did the damn thing and cut up in there too. Brooklyn has a finger pointing problem that I had to make him aware of while we were working out. And he wore short shorts and skipped around my gym. Yes...it was a moment.

So Brooklyn told me that a some what mutual friend of ours is sudenly moving in with him. I think its a terrible idea. This person used to be my best friend but turned into a monster when he became my roommate. Our (best)friendship pretty much ended because of us being roommates and I just don't want to see the same thing happen with them. But he is grown...and I will not sabotage somebody elses housing.

We're all entitled to make mistakes.

On a random note I have decided to cut somebody else off. I took him off of my DowneLink and MySpace friends list. Us being friends no longer serves a purpose. I am getting better as far as how "used" I felt not too long ago. Absence doesnt always makes the heart grow fonder. In this case its having a chilling affect. No more dead weight.

If you are reading this and you figured out its you...no hard feelings. But now that we don't share a certain person as a good friend anymore...there is no need for me to tolerate you.



Goodnite.

Countdown

A little over 5 weeks and I will be in Costa Rica. I am scared to death. I have never been out of the country and after seeing that mess go down in Aruba I am going to make sure not to hang out with any sweedish people! lol Mess. But yeah...thats some serious stuff though. I am thinking more about my friends and family here more then I am about myself. If something were to happen to me how would they know? How long would it take for them to find out? Could I just vanish? So many things.

Either way Im still excited to go. I think Im more excited to come back...even though I aint even there yet. I wanna come home and be refreshed.

Im listening to Who is Jill Scott? Damn this CD is good. How did I ever stop listening to this?

New York/Thirsty

This post is actually boring. But I did it for myself so I can come back and remember this weekend. It was nice.

I spent last weekend in NY with a very close friend of mine. We had a very chill laid back weekend with a splash of Diva Dance at the Roxy. I left Boston at 11:30pm on Thursday and got into NY a litte bit before 3:30am Friday. Can I tell you I hauled ass to get that damn 11:30 train! I ran through every station to get to that bus. And for those that don't know I am quite the sweater...I sweat all the time...so imagine me running with bags. Awfull.

So yeah, by the time I got on that bus i realized that I was really thirsty. I started searching for gum or candy in my pockets so I could have something to chew on to build up the saliva in my mouth (dont that sound gross? it works though.) but I found nothing. I started to panic thinking maybe I was gonna die of thirst on the chinatown bus just because i wanted to avoid Friday traffic. I thought about my options and made a few phone calls and mentioned to all parties how thirsty I was. Apparantly nobody cared because they were either getting ready for bed or a club. So I thought about how sometimes when Im really tired and I'll just go to bed thirsty because I was too lazy to get off my bed. So I went to sleep.

I made it to chinatown and took a cab to my friends house in Brooklyn. As soon as I walked into his house I went straight to the fridge....from Boston to the BK with not a lick of fuckin liquids! So yeah...enough about thirst.

Friday was very chill. We chilled around the house all day and had some friends over. I caught up with another good friend of mine and watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I have to own that movie now. All I got to say is "Call the Po Po Ho." I love you Kaseem. I don't care how long we don't interact for...everytime we talk or hang out I realize how great of a person you are. Thank you for being "you." ::wink wink::

Saturday was kinda busy. We drove into the city and went into Puma so I could buy a bag. I asked the lady at the register if I could have it and she smiled. I paid for it. After that I chilled with somebody who does GAP commercials. Don't ask. It was late by the time I left the GAP's house and I went to meet up with 2 of my house sisters at Escuelita's. Since I was in the area I visited my BF (yes he went to...but he was with hanging with his peoples...seperate is good...trust me) at his hotel in Times Square. It was more of a check in. I love him so much. ::sigh::

After the check in I went over to meet my sisters. We chilled for about an hour and I realized how tacky and tired that club was. So I left and headed over to the Roxy. I met up with my friend from Brooklyn and some other people. And my BF showed up with his peoples...so we spent a good portion of the night together. Did I mention I love him? Anyhoo I saw a lot of boozing and drug taking in that club. Like...a lot. Im deffinately not Diva Dance material. But I am glad I went and I will most likely go a few more times and never go back. Its a pattern. lol


Anyhoo if you got this far thanks. Im tired of writing......

NY Report Coming Soon.

Nuff' said.

Hold Up!

So I went out last night and had a pretty decent time. I would just like to say that I cannot do the clubs like I used to. I have been grappling with this for sometime...am I getting too old for clubs? Like physically old? I mean with time we are not able to just go on all night because our bodies will be shot. I don't know about you but I plan on making sure I don't get older (especially look) then I have to.

Im not old. And Im not a non club person because I am older. I look at it differently now. And quite frankly I cannot enjoy clubs the way I used to. I used to go to the clubs and feel single sexy and free. Feeling like that brings what seems like an infinit amount of energy. Sexual energy. Aint nothing like sexual energy to keep you on your feet all night. You know what Im talkin' bout!!

So yeah...I can't be single, sexy and free anymore. Please don't ask me why. You should know by now. And if you don't maybe you should ask my boyfriend. I guess the club experience is something I have to sacrifice in order to stay in a relationship. ::sigh:: I did have some sexy moments though. I mean it's wierd cuz Im not one to slut around in clubs. Unless we're out of town...lol No comment! I don't even like dancing with people. I tend to get off by just dancing and being watched. Feels so different now.

I have the "my legs are sore because I didn't know when to stop dancing" feeling. At least my legs dont hurt now as much as they did before. I mean every song was "my song" when I used to club. Now Im selective as to what song I will grace with my smoldering sex appeal. You like that don't you?

Im about to go out this evening to a drag bar by the name of Jacques. My house sister is here on "business," so I have to be the big brother I am and accompany her being that she is a guest in my city.

Hold up!! On a random note...Nina just tried to hump my arm. What kind of fuckin shit is that!? I didn't know female dogs could hump!! She did it 3 times!! The first tims she did it I was confused as to what she was doing. The second time I was in disbeleif and the third time I was appalled. I hope this is normal because Nina is too cute to be a fucking dyke. Ugh.

Baking Powder

For the Waynes World impaired: Baking Powder=Beg Your Pardon?

I was just going over my blogs when I had to laugh at how many spelling and grammatical errors I have. Especially in that G Star post. Lord. Anyhoo..Im at work and I can feel my belly push against my belt. This sudden wieght gain is starting to disgust me. But damn I look good in clothes...out of clothes is a different story. Well..at least for the mid sections. Bleh. Im getting to the point where nice bodies don't turn me on...they make me envious. I can't wait till November.

Emotional

After work I remembered I had to pick up some items at the CVS by my house. It was the same bus ride as usual me and a friend of mine (that works with me) were cutting up on the bus talking about all of the crazy people we have to talk to at work. Which reminds me to make a blog about some of these bama ass people.

Anyhoo after I got off the bus I walked a few steps and I was already in CVS. It was about that time again: time for tooth brush, soap, milk and some other shit. As I was cruising through the aisles looking for various toiletries (and my dairy product) a Sade song came on and I instantly felt emotional. Not because I am sad or anyting like that....I really don't have anything to be emotional about. If anything I have just been pretty bored lately.

Being in the middle of a CVS feeling emotional while smelling deodarants made me really respect Sade even more. The woman is that good that she manages to touch my soul with the sound of her voice. Even through a muffled drugstore stereo speaker. I would most likely sob if I ever met her. The amount of sorrow her music has managed to extract from the core of my being is without description.




Thank you.

So Much To Say (Revised)

Wow. So much has happened in the last month. Yet I know there is much more to come. I dont feel as drained anymore. I feel so much lighter and I have some space/time to think. Things are still far from perfect but this is a start. I still have a few layers to shed.

I am anticipating the end of this year. ::sigh::

So much going on...yet I feel like I am running in place.

I recently ordered some new Pumas and had them delivered to my job. They came with an unexpected gift. A small red key chain that had the Puma logo on one side and an alien on the opposite side. The alien side had a quote on it: Make New Friends.

Very powerful starement. However I am not in the mood for new friends but I do see how that will soon come into play. It gets a little boring at times and I dont want to go back to "old" faces for friendship. Makes me feel desperate. I dont like when old friends show up and want to all of a sudden be my new best friend. Its like...why couldnt you be my friend like this in the first place? Tacky.

Hello?

I wanted to leave a Blog yesterday becaue I had a lot of thoughts going on. But I have loste that magic. Plus I have a nosey ass guest over my house. God bless him. So yeah...Im finally leaving my abusive relationship with Nextel for a more International Traveling relationship with Sprint. Well...its not final yet but its on the works. Yay reception! Winter is coming and I need to be able to talk IN the house. Dammit.

I can hear Nina crying in the pantry. Time to get dressed.

G G G G G G Star!!

So I finally went into the new G Star store on Newbury St and it didnt have that much of a selection. But some of the shit in there was hot. The sales boy in there was cute and I can sense he was flirting with me (possibly to make a sale!) and he helped me with these hot black camo pants. They were fitted and looked very nice around my bootage. I think he noticed this because he told me the girl version was more fitted "around here" and he pointed to my inner thigh and motioned to the back of me. So basically it would be tight on my dick and ass.

I looked down at my brand new socks and saw some black shit on them. I knew it wasnt from my sneakers because they were new. I hadnt gotten the chance to walk around the house with dirty socks or lack there of.. to tarnish the insides of them. I was a little embarrased but more baffled then anything. As I was talking to the sales boy I looked down at the pants to see what they would look like with my hands in the pockets. It was nice...but when I took my hands out of my pocket they were BLACK!!!!!!

I pointed this out to the sales boy and he said its "normal" and that you have to wash them first before you wear them. Excuse me? I knew right then and there I wasnt investing in those pants. But he still convinced me to try on a womans pair. Ha ha. It really was tighter around my dick and ass. There were these adjuster things on the pants that made the waste tighter (itr was already a size 30!) and he actually touched me and adjusted them. That was brave.

AnyhooI took them shits off and looked at the price in the fitting room: $170. Insert laughter. If Im gonna shell out Diesel Jean type of money I better be able to put them on w/o getting my f-ing socks dirty. Who dos that shit?

I told the sales guy that I wouldnt get them cuz I have been gaining weight (Im coming back!) and in another month I might not be able to wear them (truthfully). We then started discussing wieght and eating habbits. He started telling me how to eat. He wants to be a nutritionist. At least thats what he is going to school for. So yeah...we had this small convo about food and eating habbits and then it became clear I wasnt buying shit. So it got awkward cuz I felt like I was loitering. But he started it.

So I left.


Bye.

PS I want these jeans care to donate a size 31?

Finally

We have an F-ing roommate. So far he seems like a cool guy.
We seem to like the same shit and he's a little wierd. Good. Nina likes him too. But Nina is a slut and seems to like most men.

Waiting

So a new potential "roommate" was supposed to be here at 9pm. He called and said he would be 20 minutes late...it is 10:26 and he is not here. He has called a number of times because he was lost. He said he was in front of our house at "22 Apple St" but we are at "22 Apple Park Ave." He said "It was close enough." WTF!!! Did he think the apartment was going to magically appear on a different street because your stupid ass cannot follow directions?

I want this roommate shit to be done with already. I hate how this happened. Do you know what time it is? Right....

Boston Bridges...

This weekend has been exhausting with looking for a new roommate and catering to a guest. Money is tight and Im realizing that its going to get a little tighter. Yet another lesson backed up with proof: Trust nobody. People no matter who they are or no matter how much they care for you, will walk over you at the drop of a dime. People can be so fucking ungrateful sometimes that you can think things are resolved but when you turn around there is another pile of bullshit to step on. O...and I will never let anybody borrow shit ever again. Not even a breath of air.

Im just so tired of feeling used by everybody around me. Im tired of people coming in here and leaving shit in a mess and not doing shit to help. Im tired of being nice. No more nice. At all. No more appologies either. Tired of sorry people and their sefish appologies. Take that shit into your universe...not mine.

And you thought I was cold before....

Nina Doesn't Like You

We just interviewed another person to fill the room. Yuck. She said "I'll take it..." I had to control myself from giving her a face. That is all.

And Then There Were 2...

I knew this day was coming and I knew it would be like this. But it still hurts. Alot. I walked into the empty room and felt I should take it over because I just cannot imagine somebody else "living" in there. Even the paint has sentimental value. Every brush stroke, every flaw and imperfection from the floors to the cieling and even the windows were a labor of love and unity. Nobody will ever understand the motivation and dedication we had to the idea of having that room become what it was. But I will let it go because it will only hold me back. I cannot live in those walls....because they would eventually swallow me up with emptiness. I can hear my echo in there.....the echo was so loud to me. I sang. And I walked out. How I am gonna sleep tonight is beyond me. Im sure exhaustion will take over... There is only so much my heart can take. Im playing all of my "crying" songs so I can let it all go. Its not going to work. But it will work for tonight.

Goodnight...

This is not a permanent parting. Its more or less a goodbye to a certain part of our lives. We shared alot of great things this year and I am happy that you are moving not only into a different place but a different direction in your life. I do have some mixed emotions about how you are leaving. Happy, dissapointed, sad, scared and excited. If I could just give you some advice: Please learn from your mistakes because they are not few...they are many.

Remember to not burn your bridges and to always be humble and appreciative to the things that people present to you. Be on time because time is money. As cheesy as this may sound...you control your destiny(to a certain extent of course). Things dont always have to end the way they have for you in these last few years. Practice being a little more subtle. Not too subtle because you wouldnt be you anymore. I want you to suceed. I really do.

I feel at times like we are really family and I am so happy to be apart of your life. As frustrating as that can be sometimes. But I know im not a walk in the park either! I am teary eyed right now but I will carry on because things will turn out for the best. I have been quasi emotional lately with all of the departures and upcoming changes. I just really want things to work out. So much I feel heavy with hope and sorrow. I mention sorrow because I know things can get pretty dark before they can get better. ::sigh::

I have to go to bed now. Im looking at what I just typed and its funny but sad. Sad because its messy...which is a perfect reflection of how I am right now.


With All My Love
Mikey.

Ruined.

How much harder can shit get? O yes...this is one of those complaining ass blogs. I have so many emotions going thru me right now. It really sux when the people that you care for are so fucking spoiled and inconsiderate. Im so full of rage that i cant even get it out onto this damn blog. I will sum this blog up with one of my favorite song lyrics: You'll get yours eventually.....

Searching...

We are looking for a new roomate to replace one that is leaving. The soon-to-be ex-roomate and myself are best friends. Love him to death. We walk around this house damn near nekkid and shit so its gonna suck having to lose that privelage. So far we have had MANY responses because we live in a great area that is pretty expensive but our rent is cheap. We do not want any old or fat people...or fat old people. Nobody too conservative...dirty...or ugly. Im sorry but I cant come home to an ugly ass roomate. And they have to love our dog...Nina. Cuz thats the lady of the house.

By The Way...

Welcome to my blog! I decided to finally do the whole blog thing because Im tired of talking. Im not one to talk to everybody all the time about my business so I'll just post it here and if anybody wants to talk to me about it they can do so either by leaving a comment or by calling me. A lot of posts will make little sense to some people because I have a lot of inside jokes with specific people. Not to mention Im a bit of a wierdo. Im not looking for a fan base cuz if I was I would put up a whole page with my skin pics. I just need a space to let go. Enjoy....

Almost August..Time to Fall.

Its that time of the year again when its still summer but its about to be the end of the summer which is about to be fall. I have a lot of mixed emotions pending this season change. The fall is usually the toughest season for me because we see everything go from beautiful vibrant colors to extreme shades of gray. Its become a dreadful transition for me. It always seems that my life changes drastically around the fall season.

You would think by now I would be used to it but Im not. Don't get me wrong....it's not a surprise to me anymore but I still manage to not transition well. I have been thinking a lot lately about changes at my job and how I hate them all....even the changes that arent bad. So I came to a conclusion that I am not good with change. For once I would like to stay the same for at least 365 days. Thats all I ask. I think out of all of my close friends I have had to change the most. I have change PTSD. ha ha...that made me laugh.

So yeah...this new season will bring a new roomate but will also place a few great friends of mine far from reach. Just typing it out is wierd. Its like a form of acceptance..an acceptance that I thought was already reached. Yuck. Im done with this post.

Ray of Light...

You hide my secrets so well...

Some Random Shit

I didnt get much sleep last night. I had an off-sex night. You know when you have sex and its just off for some reason. I have an "off" everything. Perfect example is when I go to a club and Im off beat all night. Now that shit kills me. I used to be a choreographer so I take pride in my natural ability to dance to anything. Anyhoo I was thinking last night of what to write about in this blog. PS Im still learning how to work this thing...is it me or is this site difficult? Maybe Im just not as bright as I have been lead to beleive. Pfffff. My cell phone last night was not letting me dial out and I was kinda pissed. I had to do business on the phone and I had to call somebody back. But for like 2 hours that shit didnt work. I have no land line so I was pretty much assed out. Who has a land line anymore? I havent gotten a land line number given to me in years I think. With cell phones and cable/dsl modems land lines are not as useful. Did I spell that right? Whatever. I cant spell for shit and my grammar is horrible at times. Back to phones. I need a land line dammit.

Remember Me?

I Choose Not to Run..

If you get that title chances are you are laughing in some way whether it be out loud or in your head. Im grinning right now. Im at work and feeling kinda over it. I have 2 minutes to spit out what I want to say. Pffff. Guess I'll either have to edit this later or make a new one. I dont know how this shit works. Not that it really matters because I havent given anybody this blog info. I dont even know how to. Mess. But you love it!