Come see me off...

I want to take a moment to say that God has really blessed me with the right friends. I may not have a lot of friends, but I have the ones that are supposed to be in my life and I couldn't ask for anything more. It is true that I am a tough person and that yes, I have done a lot without help, but no matter how tough and strong I am, I cannot do it all alone. There are moments when I do need help and thankfully, I have the right people to assist and guide me when I need it the most.


To all those who have contributed to my well being, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Big or small, you have made an impact in my life. My success is your success and my failures are lessons to be learned.

A lot has gone on in the last 2 weeks that I would like to blog, but I am tired tonight. I just needed to put those first 2 paragraphs out there.

((hugz))

Outside shots

Finally!! Some fucking outside shots for classwork. There were 2 other models, but I didn't do such a good job. So I am posting this one. This is Danielle, I posted her pictures before during my first High Key shoot. Incredibly fun and easy to work with.

^^^This was fun!

Photo binge

The pretty boy (Anthony) and the home boy (Angel) are my friends. I set up shoots with them and they came out pretty good. The shot with Anthony and the gold sneaker, crouched to the floor, is my best shot...like ever. The Guido guy was a model I took pics of for class. I Believe his name is Steve. He looks like the kind of guy who would have some hot skinny Italian bitch with him in front of a club. He had all kinds of beefcakeness going on. I would not be surprised if he has a tribal tattoo somewhere. Either way, I'd do him. lol I kid, I kid..well..kind of. lol

There was another model, skinny, blond and really fucking tall. But..she kept making "model" faces and she was red like a lobster. So I excluded her pics because she looked terrible. Yuck.

^^^Fantastic!!!!!

They Say...

When people look at my work they all have one statement in common: "You are so talented." Or they say, "You are gonna make it/ You are gonna blow up." etc. Although I really appreciate those opinions, I know that I feel differently. I am at such a low point right now. I know what it is because I have been here before. Its not me being depressed or sad (I am far from that), its me being overly frustrated and feeling extremely stagnant. You know, I have done a lot during this time of being unemployed but I feel like I could have done way more.

Well its too late and I can't turn back time, so I am just going to focus on moving forward. In the meantime, I have to get through this stage in my life. I had an amazing conversation with my friend John, and I told him about my insecurities with my photography. He really hit the nail on the head and told me that I need to own up to being a photographer and commit to my craft. He is so right. I have been tip toeing around my work because I lack a lot of technical skills. I really am deathly afraid of somebody calling me out and exposing me for being just some person with a camera and no real skills. lol

Its crazy how I keep myself from growing by injecting fear into my mind. Seriously, I do it to myself. I am the reason why I succeed and fail. I am my best ally and my worst enemy. Sure, there are other obstacles that I run into, but sometimes I aide that obstacle by not believing in myself. Its such an amazing thing to believe and to have faith in myself. When I am having a low moment, I often don't realize how much power I have over the situation.

Anyhoo, I decided that I am going to own up to my photography and I am aiming to be a photographers assistant so that I can continue to learn my craft. I am not in a rush to get paid for my work. So I think this will put me in the right direction.

-exhale-

September Blues

This is it. It is now September and I am supposed to be gone by the end of the month. I still don't have a place to live but I have a lot of faith and I am still determined. As I try to wrap up my life here, I seem to be facing some obstacles. Some are pretty important and others are simply out of my control. I do find myself to be extremely tired all the time, both emotionally and physically. There are some people in my life, one in particular, that has really run me down. I mean, this person has put me thru the ringer. I have been disrespected, disregarded, humiliated and in some cases I have felt used. That's what friends are for, right?

I sometimes get choked up when I think about leaving my dog. There was one time I let my uncle watch her for a week. He has 3 other dogs a cat and a bird. When she was dropped off, she was literally moping around for 3 days. I think it was because she was sad to be back and alone while everybody was at work. I think about that and wonder how it will be for her when I leave. My plan is to get myself situated to the NYC lifestyle, and get her back in a year.

Other then that, I am ready to go.

I am truly, truly tired...