To never give up
To never stop
And to always be honest
Im running this long road
To hopefully get to your heart
Please tell me you’re true
Tell me no lies
I have never been so sure
Never have I desired
The way I do now
Respect me
I know no logic
I can be taken advantage of
Run with me
Run far and fast past
All of the unsure feelings
That can take over our minds
Forget with me
Leave all of those unflattering moments
In the dust embrace my love
And enjoy my sincerity
I tell you no lies
Because I want you to see me for what I am
Still…
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Can We?
No fires here
Just my slow burning
smoldering lust for you
I dream about your body
and it wets my mouth
Your smooth skin compliments
The hair on my face
And I long for the day
That I can show you
What I am about
Throw it out the window baby
I love it all
Don't be shy
I really am that kind of guy
Tell me your fantasy
Even if its been done
Lets do it again
Make it better then the last
Temperature around me is irrelevant
Because Im always hot for you
Let me hold your hand when we kiss
Because its more then you think
Show me your favorite position
I don't even have to touch you
Just let me watch...
Just my slow burning
smoldering lust for you
I dream about your body
and it wets my mouth
Your smooth skin compliments
The hair on my face
And I long for the day
That I can show you
What I am about
Throw it out the window baby
I love it all
Don't be shy
I really am that kind of guy
Tell me your fantasy
Even if its been done
Lets do it again
Make it better then the last
Temperature around me is irrelevant
Because Im always hot for you
Let me hold your hand when we kiss
Because its more then you think
Show me your favorite position
I don't even have to touch you
Just let me watch...
Random Poem (unfinished)
I understand why you run from me
What I gave wasn’t enough
Although I tried to make it better
I ended up getting in the way
I dream about you and all of your
Angelic qualities everyday
Its out of my hands now
You are gone and I no longer cry
Because there is no use
But didn’t I try?
Time heals wounds
But it doesn’t take away the memories
We will move on but a part of us
Still remains within you and I
Just like a movie
I love you and I try not to question
What you brought into my life
It is obvious that
You touched my soul
Because I still want you to be
My “wife”
Explanation
This is off the top of my head shit while I was at work. I still get these random...umm..i dont know..moments? Yeah..moments of emotions. But i write them out of my system and its back to me. For those of you who actually keep up with me..scary...please know that its not all like that! lol This is my guilt..but not the whole truth of the matter. Im a good man..i promise.
What I gave wasn’t enough
Although I tried to make it better
I ended up getting in the way
I dream about you and all of your
Angelic qualities everyday
Its out of my hands now
You are gone and I no longer cry
Because there is no use
But didn’t I try?
Time heals wounds
But it doesn’t take away the memories
We will move on but a part of us
Still remains within you and I
Just like a movie
I love you and I try not to question
What you brought into my life
It is obvious that
You touched my soul
Because I still want you to be
My “wife”
Explanation
This is off the top of my head shit while I was at work. I still get these random...umm..i dont know..moments? Yeah..moments of emotions. But i write them out of my system and its back to me. For those of you who actually keep up with me..scary...please know that its not all like that! lol This is my guilt..but not the whole truth of the matter. Im a good man..i promise.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
For My Pleasure.
So as I came out of work I walked by a man playing some sort of Hackie Sack game and he takes a double take at me and blurts out "Nice Do!" He was referring to my hair. He then says, "Why did you get it done that way?" I answered with "For my pleasure." His face was priceless..mouth all open...lol. Thanx.
Reminder
So I have been blessing this blog with many pics this month because I have so much to say that I have been dreading all of the typing I have to do here. So me posting pics reminds how I have been living this month. Just a reminder to everybody who reads my blog..I write here for myself. I periodically go back and read my entrees so I can see how I have progressed. Or how I have fallen behind.
Sex
I have had a lot of sex in the last week. I actually haven't told anybody about all of the sex I have been getting. Even a threesome (is that a real word?). It has all been protected and I am still stingy with kissing and oral sex (my mouth is for eating thank you) because I am very picky with where my mouth goes. Sex isn't the same right now. I am of course still crazy in love with my ex so I m sure that has something to do with it. However there is one person that I did kiss and kiss a lot. I pretty much thru my oral stinginess out of the window for this one. No, I am not interested in dating him...but you cannot deny sexual chemistry (I think thats what it is...LOL).
Dating
Nope.
Still...
I am still very sad. I hold it in well and I do not let it consume me to the point where I can no longer sleep (like Feb thru may). I am having a good time right now. It is a complete 180 for me right now. I go out all the time, I meet new people all the time and I drink now. However I am going to make an effort to stop partying as much because a lot of it is to get away from the pain that I carry. I am a man broken and I sometimes forget how hurt I still am. All it takes is one song....one moment or one picture to set me back for a few hours. All of this hurt all of this regret and sorrow convinces me that I am able to love big. This is a horrible time in my life...but this horribleness has shown me I am capable of giving myself to somebody with all of my heart. I am very grateful. I refuse to let go. I am sure some people think I am having a hard time letting go...but Im not. I have made a conscious decision to hold onto what my heart finds to be true. I feel like I am meant to be with "him." I could be totally wrong and if I am then I will just be a better man for somebody else. However until I am proven wrong this is how I am going to be. Am I going to not date or stop that part of my life? No. Not at all. I am going to continue to do what I have to do until I either win him back...or until it is obvious that I can't. You can't just shake off my love. Its unconditional and I just don't give up that easily.
Future
I need to make some changes in my life. Again..all of the partying (which I love!) is just going to hurt me in the long run. I need to focus and get my money right. Not just that but I am incredibly skinny right now. This is the skiniiest I have been since I was a teenager. So I plan to party less and eat more and hit the gym like 4 times a week. I have done this before so I know I can do this again. My trips to NY have to be more spaced out because it is really hurting my funds. I am trying to move to NY so I have been trying to soak in as much of the city as possible. I have grown to love that place for what it is. Crazy like me.
More....
Reminder
So I have been blessing this blog with many pics this month because I have so much to say that I have been dreading all of the typing I have to do here. So me posting pics reminds how I have been living this month. Just a reminder to everybody who reads my blog..I write here for myself. I periodically go back and read my entrees so I can see how I have progressed. Or how I have fallen behind.
Sex
I have had a lot of sex in the last week. I actually haven't told anybody about all of the sex I have been getting. Even a threesome (is that a real word?). It has all been protected and I am still stingy with kissing and oral sex (my mouth is for eating thank you) because I am very picky with where my mouth goes. Sex isn't the same right now. I am of course still crazy in love with my ex so I m sure that has something to do with it. However there is one person that I did kiss and kiss a lot. I pretty much thru my oral stinginess out of the window for this one. No, I am not interested in dating him...but you cannot deny sexual chemistry (I think thats what it is...LOL).
Dating
Nope.
Still...
I am still very sad. I hold it in well and I do not let it consume me to the point where I can no longer sleep (like Feb thru may). I am having a good time right now. It is a complete 180 for me right now. I go out all the time, I meet new people all the time and I drink now. However I am going to make an effort to stop partying as much because a lot of it is to get away from the pain that I carry. I am a man broken and I sometimes forget how hurt I still am. All it takes is one song....one moment or one picture to set me back for a few hours. All of this hurt all of this regret and sorrow convinces me that I am able to love big. This is a horrible time in my life...but this horribleness has shown me I am capable of giving myself to somebody with all of my heart. I am very grateful. I refuse to let go. I am sure some people think I am having a hard time letting go...but Im not. I have made a conscious decision to hold onto what my heart finds to be true. I feel like I am meant to be with "him." I could be totally wrong and if I am then I will just be a better man for somebody else. However until I am proven wrong this is how I am going to be. Am I going to not date or stop that part of my life? No. Not at all. I am going to continue to do what I have to do until I either win him back...or until it is obvious that I can't. You can't just shake off my love. Its unconditional and I just don't give up that easily.
Future
I need to make some changes in my life. Again..all of the partying (which I love!) is just going to hurt me in the long run. I need to focus and get my money right. Not just that but I am incredibly skinny right now. This is the skiniiest I have been since I was a teenager. So I plan to party less and eat more and hit the gym like 4 times a week. I have done this before so I know I can do this again. My trips to NY have to be more spaced out because it is really hurting my funds. I am trying to move to NY so I have been trying to soak in as much of the city as possible. I have grown to love that place for what it is. Crazy like me.
More....
Monday, June 19, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Still
Still lost
Still sad
Still hopefull
Still in love
Still obsessed
Still incomplete
Still a mess
Still crying
Still making it thru.....
Still sad
Still hopefull
Still in love
Still obsessed
Still incomplete
Still a mess
Still crying
Still making it thru.....
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Sexness Ramble
I haven't had sex in months. The last person I had sex with is my ex and I have been too picky to fuck with anybody else. Our sex was off the chains (not ALL the time..but u know..) and Im not desperate enough to settle for less. Lately tho the ex and I have had some physical run ins that have been pretty nice. One in particular (thursday) was...umm....well u know what..lets just say there was 2 "endings" involved. I feel tacky right now but whatever. This is what happens when a man is deprived of sex for 3 months.
What sux about messing with the ex is that he is into somebody else at the moment (tho he says its not serious) and well..thats not a good feeling. I don't want to be a part of any cheating equation but I guess its too late if thats the case.
On a random note....Im still single and Im so ready to date. lol
What sux about messing with the ex is that he is into somebody else at the moment (tho he says its not serious) and well..thats not a good feeling. I don't want to be a part of any cheating equation but I guess its too late if thats the case.
On a random note....Im still single and Im so ready to date. lol
Friday, June 09, 2006
Sunday, June 04, 2006
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