Like an Iceberg

That is what we all are.  The tip is what we see, but there is a huge base under all of that water. I somehow have been avoiding getting wet by staying above the water. How unrealistic and cowardly of me to ignore all of the things that have allowed me to float. I always talk about baby steps, but I haven't taken any steps in months. Everything has just stopped but I have been hiding behind any and everything possible. 

None of this has been intentional...I would never intentionally hurt myself. I love to live and I love myself. But taking a step back from it all, I can see a pattern that I would easily point out in somebody else.  

I have no idea what I want right now, but all of this confusion, laziness, denial and hiding is going to end up pushing me in the right direction. In my life, pain has always created beauty.

Thru all of this, I am still optimistic. 

Dear Mike,

How are you? We haven't spoken in quite sometime. I kinda feel a little left out here. Is there a way I can see you soon? Im a little worried about whats going on with you. What have you been up to lately? Don't lie...you're only THIS skinny when you aren't doing shit. 

How about we get together like old times? You know...like how we used to be before May of 2008?!!  We work very well together and I know you have to be miserable (and crazy) by now. Let's get your priorities in check, boo. 

It's time for a comeback.

You're not getting any younger.

Best,

Your Brain. 

:D

Dear John Doe

Hey, how are you?

First and foremost, I would like you to know that you got over me because I got over you first. You may or may not have noticed that part, but of course, every effect has its cause.

In the (recent) past, you have been a person that I have spoken very highly of and I even depended on your insight on personal matters. It sucks that things have changed, I really expected you to be a lifetime friend. But you and I are far too different and I sense something desperate and fake about your actions.  You are also blatantly selfish and it has worn very thin. You have become somebody to put up with and not somebody to enjoy. 

How did this happen?

I think maybe you either changed or became extra comfortable with me. Don't worry, I value friendships that are old, new and done. Your secrets are safe with me and I won't bad mouth or try to black list. I believe in karma and you will get everything that you deserve, good and bad. So will I. We all get what we put out there.

Don't fool yourself tho, if you give selfishly, you may not receive what you believe you have put out.

Sweetheart, clothes do not make the man. Stop judging so hard when you aren't even a real person yet. I would hope that moving to this city would spare me the unflattering social change you have gone thru, but I was already a real person before I moved here...so I don't have to worry about that. Don't forget to stay humble. Nice people are kool too.

PS, I didn't need you in Boston, and I don't need you here. 

Just to clarify this Post, this letter is not for any ONE person, but for several. lol

These are people who aren't important enough for me to actually say this to. I don't want to salvage anything that I do not want. 

Oh, and fuck you too.

;)

30 Y.O.

I turned 30 on feb 15th and I thru a party at HK Lounge that went very well.

Here are just a few pics:

I had way more people show up then I thought and it was a good time had by all.

People keep asking me what it feels like to be 30 and I do not have an answer yet. What I will say is that I am going to start cleaning house again. Not sure what that means yet, but I feel like I have a lot of debris left on my shoulders.

I'll figure it out.

In the meantime, big ups to everybody around me who has been genuine. The older I get, the more I see how hard it is to keep friends. I am very blessed to have some of these people around me and hopefully they feel the same way about me.

NOTE TO SELF: Let go of the people who have no interest in you anymore. The past may have been great or influential, but there is no need to drink from milk that has soured.

Cheers.

Blind Item

What recently relocated black studio fix youtube "star," is running around the city feeling a bit too entitled and spending too much time in the "bathroom?"

Not only that, but in person, he looks a little older then he says he is. They say good black don't crack...he's cracking!

Ttyl, Love Muffin.

Feeling like...

..I want you more.

There are certain people that I am attracted to, but once I feel they want me back, I get all weird.

I don't know you well, but I am already not impressed, you mess. 

Your happiness is contagious and I am proud of you. I don't know your complete past, but I know enough to understand it and to be happy for you. You are a great example for many.

You have my attention and I don't know what to do with myself. I almost feel like my heart wants to open up...but for your eyes only.

Grow up.

You are one of the most beautiful men I have ever had the pleasure of putting my lips on.  

Can I put it in you already?

NYC is full of "users."