Not Defeated, Just A Little Worn.

Can you believe its been 3 years since I have moved to New York?  Time sure does fly.  Lately, I have been doing lots of mental assessments about my life.  I actually used to do it a lot in order to keep me in check and make sure that progress was always around the corner.  Well, I will be the first to admit that I have strayed away from doing so because I have fallen into quite a hole.  Its a lot going on that I no longer care to share with many people, if any.

Everybody has their own problems and really, I just don't feel like explaining all of my issues and getting that guilty feeling afterwards.  Vulnerability is such a beautiful thing when witnessed.  However, when I let my pain, my concerns and fears out for all to see, I feel like my value takes a hit! lol Generally, I think it takes such courage and strength to let it all out...as long as it comes from an honest place (Being vulnerable around people because you're needy, is tacky and opportunistic). 

What to do, what to do.  I'm looking at all of this as just the part that is "worse" before it gets better.  I'm sure I could have phrased that sentence better, but you get it.  I don't even feel as physically attractive anymore as well..haha! True though.  You know, it just happens sometimes.  When you're beaten down on the inside, the outside follows suit.  What makes all of this acceptable, is that I know this is just part of the journey.  Through all of this shit, I am picking up a lot of knowledge.. and my heart...my heart is so much bigger now.  

Although I feel lost, I know that whatever trail I am on, its just going to lead me back to me...back to being confident and happy.  Im not happy right now, but I will be.  

I will be great(er).

<3