Loud Pause

I just had a good workout and I feel great. My body is tight right now and I have just begun getting in shape. On my way out of the gym I was cruised by a very handsome gentleman. And as usual I looked like shit. Why do people feel its better to talk to me when Im unshaved and poorly dressed? It felt nice..but it made me realize that if I want to..I can really get to know him and go out on a date. Because I can. That made my stomach turn. I don't want to date.

Everything is just at this stand still man. So as I walked home feeling confused I had to sit down and compose this blog....

I hate being this way...feels like everything is so blurry now. It is true that I brought my own happiness to our relationship. I didn't need yours nor do I need it now but dammit I miss having you here. The hard part about not being with you is that I don't want to get over you. I don;t want to get you out of my life nor do I want to move on. I'm not "waiting" for that day when I cannot think about you. I don;t want to stop thinking about you.

I am not a cryer. I don't cave in to tears..not because I frown upon crying but because I think I cried enough growing up that I have very few tears left. Tonight I cried (damn James Blunt!{Goodbye My Lover}).

I am not sad. I am human and I am having some problems adjusting but I will be fine and I will learn some lessons. Everytime I think I have learned "the" lesson I learn another. So many lessons will come out of this. I know some of you are concerned (whether you tell me or not) but all is well. Well..not totally..obviously. But Im still Mikey.