I am quite impressed with my self restraint these days. I have realized that as self aware and opinionated as I am, all can be lost if said at the wrong moment. Word vomit can ruin the message. As much as i am impressed with myself, I am also frustrated. The days of carefree communication are out the window. Well, not totally, but there was a time where I would fly off the handle and make sure my feelings were placed on a table for all to see. Sometimes I would shove it down people's throats. Now, I understand that the instant gratification of 'letting it out,' is temporary. I need more then that.
I often keep myself in check because I know that my way of thinking is a little obsessive. Its like I am too connected to my thoughts and feelings. Again, as great as that is, its a curse as well. What appears to be obvious to me, may not be the same to the next person because they dont live in their feelings and thoughts the way I do. When I describe it, it makes me feel like I am describing a person who thinks too fucking much. Which is true..and something I have been working on for awhile. Change isn't always easy.
Lots and lots of changes...but all good.
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1 comment:
You know on some level we're kindred spirits…equal parts shielded, presumably inflated persona & introspective super sleuth examining a plethora of available emotion. We’re not like many ppl…we are of a minority inherently vexed with the lens to not only see what we feel, but the uncanny ability to articulate it as well. We treat it as obligation or our right; we wield it like the force; we wear it like a badge, & sometimes we do over indulge, revel in its power. Often we prey on the incapable & emotionally inept, or sometimes we merely doesn’t hesitate to speak what we feel is lawful. But in growth you learn that though something is lawful, it’s not always expedient. You can die on every mountain, but as we mature we learn which mountains are worth the sacrifice. So my dear Mikey,I oblige you to just continue to hone in & cuiltivate this skill..& when you pick your mountains, choose wisely.
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