Faith.

So I have been battling a small cold the last few days and I am so ready to get over it already. For the last few weeks I have been feeling a little stagnant with my life. Everyday I wake up, I feel like I am starting all over again. Just the whole job search and constant effort to keep busy. I am not complaining! I know people have it worse and I am fully aware of how good I have it, but I not one to be complacent. Plus, I really don't have that option. I can't be jobless forever and I need to have a steady set of friends (or one) to keep me sane. You know, like a partner in crime? Yes.

Being sick brings about a lot of thoughts and emotions. Some people may feel lonely because they would like to have somebody to take care of them or you can be like me and feel even more determined to take care of business when you are well again. However, this time around, I am not just more determined, but I am questioning my faith. Many people do not know that I grew up in a church setting and brought myself to Sunday School for many years. I even went to a church summer camp in Maine. I read the Bible often and I genuinely loved spending time at church. All of this was by my own design and not my family. I did this on my own.

Even more surprising is that I grew up in Christian Science. Its a very strict religion that does not believe in doctors or medicine (No its not Scientology). I won't give too many details about what the Christian Science Church stands for because I have fallen out of practice for about 10 years and I cannot do it any justice. But, feel free to Google it ;)

I read a passage in Science and Health because I wanted to have some food for my prayers. I was reminded that the very foundation of this religion is the belief in Jesus and God. Pretty simple, but it occurred to me that practicing Christian Science would be harder this time around because I may not have that strong faith anymore. I was raised to believe in God and Jesus, and that will always be in my heart, but I will acknowledge that I may be "tainted." I do not know exactly what I mean by that, but I am not the same little boy who prayed so effortlessly and wholeheartedly to God.  

I have some family members who are Christian Republicans that believe that I do not deserve to have the same rights as them and they pray to God too.

 

Things happen for a reason and I am sure I will have a better grip on my faith again. But for now, I am going to live my life loving my brothers and sisters with the respect they deserve. 

I could go on and on with this, but I would type myself in circles.  

Anyhoo, I still pray and I do so for my loved ones often.

Thanks for getting this far.