Always in my Heart.

This was written on Monday night while I was on the bus coming back from

Boston:

As I sit on this bus, I'm thinking of how my past has created my present and how grateful I am. All the good and all of the bad has added up to this.

I spent 5 days in Boston because my grandfather lost his battle to cancer. That man raised me, so it's been rough. Growing up, my biological father was never in the picture, so my grandfather filled that void. He was not the perfect father, but he truly was enough and he loved me so much. Anything I needed, I had. He really was an 'all action and no talk' kind of man. Its a hard trait to come by, and I always respected it.

My grandfather was the definition of selfless. He gave and gave and gave and never asked for anything in return. With 3 decades of military service, he had soldiers at his burial along with the American flag draped over his coffin. The soldiers folded the flag and then gave it to my beautiful grandmother.

I want to say that I'm done mourning and ready to celebrate his life, but that's not true. It's a process and seeing his coffin get lowered into the ground did something to my soul. Death is inevetible, but it never gets easier to digest...especially when somebody close to your heart, passes on.

I have conflicting emotions. I feel energized because I want to use this as a way be a stronger person, but I also feel a little fragile. With that being said, I will take this opportunity to push on with more zest and I want to cherish the time I have on this planet. Life isn't that serious. One of the few beauties of a funeral service, is that you get to see people in your family that you haven't seen in awhile. As dysfunctional as my family is, they are so beautiful and I love them. Usually in small doses, but love nonetheless. ;)

Here are some pictures I would like to share. My family is a little bit of everything. Jewish, Jamaican, Cambodian and more. (And of course my amazing extended family, Marie, Harvey and Daland, were present.)

RIP Angel L. Colon

August 22, 1935 - March 10, 2010

I love you Papi,

Michael

xoxo

Self Check

I have no desire to get to (intimately) know anybody right now. I think I have been fooling myself and going with the flow of meeting new guys. Lately I have found myself turned off by being intimate. This is very unlike me...so I must be going thru some change. Naturally, I know we all want to be in the company of somebody we care for and can be intimate with. I still have those feelings...but I think the timing is off.

I have so much to do and the idea of getting to know somebody and all of their feelings is just a turn off for me. I do not have the energy to get to know somebody new, on that level. I believe in fate, so I am sure if somebody special came along, I would do what i felt is right. But I am not holding my breath nor do I care for that to happen at this moment. I will admitt that some situations have pushed me further into this direction, but I will keep quiet about that one.

My Thanksgiving was pretty sweet. Chilled with family, friends and got to eat some good food. I spent some awkward time with my estranged father. Bless that man..because he is such a loser at life. No hard feelings..honestly. If you knew this man, you would totally understand. My handsome brothers were there with there kids. I love my nephews...they almost make me want to grow up! LOL My nephew Bubba (its just a nickname!) followed me everywhere and was even sweet enough to assault one of my friends with a dropkick.

How sweet.


My younger brother and my nephew Bubba on Haloween.