Finally, Now.

with Bory in Times Square, photographing for http://www.streetwalkersnyc.com/

Since the last time I dropped a full post, I have covered a lot of ground.  I have a new job, have been to Fire Island twice, have gotten further into my relationship, started a new blog, and I seem to care a lot less about a lot of shit. lol  The latter could be a good or bad thing. ;)

Let's see, my job is pretty cool.  I do lots of admin and busy work for a rooftop lounge.  My "office" is in a private party room. labeled the "VIP Room."  Its pretty swanky, and I have one hell of a view.  Not the best pay, but it works for now, and I like who I work with.  Liking your coworkers and managers is key, when you are at work.  I am thankful to be where I am....things were starting to look kind of bleak for a moment.  But I never gave up, and made it happen. I am going on just about 2 years of living in NYC, and I cannot believe how fast time flies!  I am still in love with this city,  I think I fall in love with it even more every passing month. 

I was off and on unemployed for 2 years...and as much as I loved being in a 9 to 5 world, I don't want to do this anymore.  lol  I want to be my own boss.  So I decided to ask one of my bff's, Harvey Champagne, to join me in creating a variety blog based on NYC.  Its been 2 weeks since we have gone live with the site, and the feedback has been pretty good.  A lot of kinks have to be ironed out, but its a work in process that we both enjoy.  The purpose of the blog is to do all the things I love while opening doors to new career opportunities. 

I am in a great place right now.  I am in love, I have employment, great friends, and am able to marry my love for photography, graphic design and socializing, all into one project.  None of those things are perfect, but they are all sustaining me right now, and I am very grateful.  Its weird typing all of that out, because I am so self tortured, that its hard to admit when good things are happening to me.  My mind is so Debby Downer-ish. 

I am not sure if I still have a following, but thank you to everybody who still reads my shit.  Its a privilege to have my thoughts be heard. 

Here is the link to our new blog: http://www.streetwalkersnyc.com/

with Kelly Horton of Madison Kelly NYC

with Marcella "Incredible Lago" Araica

Harvey Champagne

the infamous Dawter, Brandon.

with Sylvia Tosun, backstage after her show.

Coco & Breezy glasses, remixed in 3D.

Celebrating and Social Differences

Since my last post, things have actually been going in the right direction. Still in love with life, NYC, my guy, etc. Things are far from perfect, but I am in it to win it. In the last few weeks, there have been lots of dancing and celebrating. Celebrating new/old friendships, opportunities, good times and progression.

One particular subject/situation that has come up recently, is my quietness around new people. Naturally and contrary to popular belief, I am not good at breaking the ice. However, when spoken to, I am very responsive. I can go on and on about how I grew up and why it's difficult for me to excel in new social situations, but Im tired of doing so. Call me stubborn, but I am into my 30's now and I really don't feel the need to constantly justify my shyness to new people (unless it is work related). Just because Im quiet and often expressionless, doesn't mean that I am not present or without opinion.

Somebody has to listen, right? It would be totally different if I was saying or acting offensive, but I am far from that. I also realize that insecure people find it difficult to accept my shyness and self internalize it...aka take it personal. What can i do? Im not a mind reader. Im ok with people asking me questions to try and understand me, but am not ok with being accused of something that is not true.

Anyhoo, here are some pics from the last month or so:

Always in my Heart.

This was written on Monday night while I was on the bus coming back from

Boston:

As I sit on this bus, I'm thinking of how my past has created my present and how grateful I am. All the good and all of the bad has added up to this.

I spent 5 days in Boston because my grandfather lost his battle to cancer. That man raised me, so it's been rough. Growing up, my biological father was never in the picture, so my grandfather filled that void. He was not the perfect father, but he truly was enough and he loved me so much. Anything I needed, I had. He really was an 'all action and no talk' kind of man. Its a hard trait to come by, and I always respected it.

My grandfather was the definition of selfless. He gave and gave and gave and never asked for anything in return. With 3 decades of military service, he had soldiers at his burial along with the American flag draped over his coffin. The soldiers folded the flag and then gave it to my beautiful grandmother.

I want to say that I'm done mourning and ready to celebrate his life, but that's not true. It's a process and seeing his coffin get lowered into the ground did something to my soul. Death is inevetible, but it never gets easier to digest...especially when somebody close to your heart, passes on.

I have conflicting emotions. I feel energized because I want to use this as a way be a stronger person, but I also feel a little fragile. With that being said, I will take this opportunity to push on with more zest and I want to cherish the time I have on this planet. Life isn't that serious. One of the few beauties of a funeral service, is that you get to see people in your family that you haven't seen in awhile. As dysfunctional as my family is, they are so beautiful and I love them. Usually in small doses, but love nonetheless. ;)

Here are some pictures I would like to share. My family is a little bit of everything. Jewish, Jamaican, Cambodian and more. (And of course my amazing extended family, Marie, Harvey and Daland, were present.)

RIP Angel L. Colon

August 22, 1935 - March 10, 2010

I love you Papi,

Michael

xoxo

Come see me off...

I want to take a moment to say that God has really blessed me with the right friends. I may not have a lot of friends, but I have the ones that are supposed to be in my life and I couldn't ask for anything more. It is true that I am a tough person and that yes, I have done a lot without help, but no matter how tough and strong I am, I cannot do it all alone. There are moments when I do need help and thankfully, I have the right people to assist and guide me when I need it the most.


To all those who have contributed to my well being, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Big or small, you have made an impact in my life. My success is your success and my failures are lessons to be learned.

A lot has gone on in the last 2 weeks that I would like to blog, but I am tired tonight. I just needed to put those first 2 paragraphs out there.

((hugz))

Porn and Open Relationships

So I have decided to look into working in the Porn Industry. Not as a porn star, but as a photographer. I have always admired that lifestyle and have been closely linked to it. If you don't remember, in the past I have been showcased in 2 porn sites. No, I will not repost! lol I also know some key people in the industry and I have a genuine interest in it. Its exciting, its still art and it is a very lucrative industry. Why not?

So, I am going to start poking around and seeing where I can get my foot in the door. Its weird how things work out. When in NYC, I always seem to attract people in that industry. Wish me Luck.

Recently, I read a quote from Will Smith stating that him and Jada have always been in an open relationship. From day 1 of their marriage. He said that is what has kept their relationship strong and sexy. Its still a very taboo subject, but I have to say I understand and agree with that way of thinking. Although we like to think of ourselves as being conservatives and with morals...we still are animals. Lets not forget that in this day and age we still slaughter and consume other animals. We will pretty much eat anything! So why are we so afraid of our sexual desires?

I understand that with all of these diseases going around, we shouldn't be promiscuous, but there are ways to keep it safe. I don't want to go too in depth with that..but its an option. If I ever date again, I will seriously consider it. Especially being gay. Men are cheaters..I don't care how good you think your man is..if he had the opportunity to cheat without getting caught, he will. It has nothing to do with love as much as it has to do with I believe to be our sexual instinct.

Who wants to date? lol jk

PS My good friend Edson, came to visit this weekend. We had a blast and went out for 4 nights in a row.

This doesnt even capture the fun we had. I damaged a Chandalier on Saturday night.

Don't ask. lol





Cheers!

29.

I am now officially 29 years old.

Time really flys. It was just 2 years ago this very month that my life was completely changed. Four years ago, little did I know I would be back to where I am/was...

Its a blessing to be able to reach back and pick up where you could have, would have and should have done. No regrets. what. so. ever.

I love me for the work in progress that I am.

Thank you to everybody who has helped me progress into who I am today, and what I will hopefully be in the future.

(Art) Work

Minus the self shot at the bottom, these pics are of my good friend and roommate. I haven't really touched my camera since the Summer. Gotta get back on my grind!

Hope you like.

My Ritalin Odyssey

Where did September go?

I'll sum it up:

RIP Angie Infiniti (pictured on the left). You will always be an important part of my life. No words can describe how much I learned from you. You were the most selfless person I have ever met.

I Love you.

I worked close to 6 days a week

One of my best friends moved back to Boston

Louisiana paid me a visit..and so did my house bro.

I was placed on Meds for my ADD.

It was all capped off with my trip to Atlanta, which is the bulk of this blog.

Here goes....

I went to ATL to meet somebody I have been in contact with for the last 7 years. I have always had this slight crush on him because after all of these years I never lost interest in him. We spoke online and sometimes on the phone and he always brought a lot to the table. One of the smartest people I have spoken to and extremely attractive.His pictures showed me an adorable face...his eyes filled with unknown innocence and pouty lips that would make anybody want a kiss. Its amazing how 2 people can make contact thru a website and manage to maintain a friendship for so many years and not have officially met.

Along with being friends, we flirted a whole lot. It has always been simple. No expectations and the flirting was not what kept us in contact. These are some of the things that made me like him throughout all of these years. Buying the ticket was a bit scary because I knew that things could possibly change. However, I am new. Where I wasn't into risk taking, now, I am. Everything before I got on the plane was very normal. My feelings weren't going crazy and I didn't feel like something was going to happen. I wanted to go into this with little to no expectations because I had no idea what to expect. But...beneath all of the neutral feelings, somewhere inside me, I love this man..and I have for many years now. I was never sure (and still not sure) what kind of love it was (is) because I was with somebody for a few years in between and well...I just don't know. That's all I can say...I guess. Maybe as I am typing the rest of this blog I'll figure it out...or not.

Fast forward to when I got off of the plane. I walked towards him and all of the feelings, big, small and hidden...did not come to point like I thought they might. Maybe it did, but was so small I didn't notice. I expected maybe a big hug and lots of smiles. Maybe just a couple of smiles. None. I think I gave a shy smile but it was met with expressionless eyes.I felt like I was meeting up with a friend for lunch that I saw the day B4. Very anticlimactic. Again, before I left I made sure to have no expectations, I simply went to meet this man face to face because 7 years is a long time and I felt comfortable enough to get on a plane for this "meeting."

Being that this was my first time meeting him face 2 face, I let it go because I didn't know if this was how he is. Some people are very expressionless and you don't get a sense of that by chatting online or conversations over the phone. People are multifaceted and sometimes you have to see them in the flesh to get a better understanding.

There were some little things I learned about him that made me a little sad. But I understand that is my problem and I have to remember that people live their lives differently. And its ok. My views are mine and nobody else's. It was nothing major and Im fine as long as he is.

At the airport, when I was leaving, I decided to make the effort to give him a hug since the opportunity was missed when I first got there. I started to give him a big hug but it was met with one of those pat-on-the-back hugs. Very business and impersonal.

I am a little disappointed. I hate admitting that because you know....I tried to go into this with no expectations. But, I feel like I now know this person less then I did when I got there. I do not like him any less. At all...I still have so much love and respect for him because he is still a good person. I do, I really do.

We have different shoes to fill.

And you know, I didn't have a bad time...I actually had a good time. I pushed all of that weirdness aside for most of the trip. This is what I went there for...to meet him and see what he is like in person. He is no less important to me then he was before I went on this trip.

It's close to 2am and I am still awake, writing.....

Blah

It was a long day and I accomplished the routine. I feel a bit empty. Im a little lonely this evening and in a small funk. Just can't wait for what is next. Whatever that may be.

Nina was in bad shape this week and it really scared me. Pets are like kids and when something happens you cannot control, it can really affect your mood. She is better, and I am happy to have her back to normal. It almost makes me want to give her away so that I dont have to deal with such fear over what I cant control. But that would be silly of me because I love her. Plus I dont give up that easily. My baby girl needs me and is always happy to see me come home.

A good friend of mine and his boyfriend of 4 years almost broke up this week. It was a little devasting for me because I love them together and they give me hope. I have learned alot from them as far as loving unselfishly is concerned. I mean they obviously have their own problems and are not perfect, but they are wonderful together. Sometimes people get too comfortable and get bored. It happens...thats why you have to be open all the time and willing to compromise and keep things fresh. Anyhoo..I love them and am happy they are still together.

I have decided to stay off Myspace and any kind of instant messanger for the month of May because I spend entirely too much time on them and I need to be able to function and entertain myself without them. Maybe that is why I am lonely. lol

This weekend I will be going to NYC to pick up some studio equipment for a friend of mine. I might go to a club if time permits.

It's late already and I need to sleep.

Grrrrr!

Oh Summer

This was my last weekend in NYC for the summer and I have many mixed emotions. In a sense I feel like this year is over but of course its not. Its going to get harder. No more hot days beating the streets of NYC with the people who have sustained me this year. Up until the summer I was a huge emotional mess. Why mention the reason? This summer showed me how to open up and be myself again. I have met some cute guys and have considered dating a few but for one reason or another it just wasn't meant to be. I also was able to recapture my passion for dance. How bout I just list the things about this summer that have helped me in one way or another?

Genuine people who have showed me how to have a good time.

My Boston crew: Johnny, Danny, Patrice, Byron and Stephanie

My NYC crew: Harvey, Brandon, John and Frowen (and the many people I have met thru you 2), Eric, Carlos and Oso.

My eyes were definitely opened this year and a lot of people have come and gone and a lot of true colors were shown in such a short amount of time. A lot of fakers and fronters and plenty of people who bit off more then they could chew. Good sex, bad sex, a yearning to be wanted for more then just my body, self realizations, the hardest HIV test I ever took (negative but still..) hot club nights, a lot of booze, Richie, day breaking, getting over (and still) my ex, a lot of shopping, sushi, cooking, many many trips and accepting my weight problem. There is more but those are the ones that stand out.

Individual shout outs:

Johnny, thank you so much for taking me out of the house those first few times. Life was harder then you know before you came a long and showed me I could go out in Boston. And of course for introducing me to Patrice and Danny.

John, we finally met! Talk about MySpace networking? I enjoy you profusely and thank you for introducing me to Frowen and the rest of your eclectic friends. I admire and live thru you and Frown's relationship and I can only hope that things progress for you two. And of course I hope I am there for it.

Stephanie, thank you for being apart of my "coming back to reality" process. Your light and friendly attitude was such a needed breath of fresh air. We can drive anywhere and never stop talking.

Brandon, thank you for being patient and for being a real friend. I love you with all of my heart and you are one of my best investments. Its been what..7 years? Here is to another million (do u think we'll still be hot then? lol)

Harvey, you are and have been the brother I never had. I don't know where I would be or how I would have survived these last 4 years without you. Thank you for being one of the most constant people in my life (especially in these times). Let us now focus.

China, we can not talk for large periods of times but I know that I can count on you and you can always count on me. I could have died that rainy weekend but you came to my rescue. You may never know how much you helped me that day but I still think about it and it makes me emotional just knowing how selfless you can be. That prom forever changed our lives.

Daland, how weird is it for me to type that name? Im so use to typing the Ex,"Him" or any other variation. You have loved me like no other and yet you have hurt me just the same. Not sure if you were trying to undo all of the love that we built but whatever the case may be...I don't have it in me to hate you. Thank you for showing me that I can be very weak, emotionally and mentally and that I don't know it all. Realizing that has made me a better man because those are mistakes I will not make again. I will love again and thanks to you I know how sweet it is and I know how to cook, clean and put my needs (when appropriate) to the side for the next man I am with.

Ivette, my sister. This is the first time ever that we have been able to see eye to eye on many things and this is the first time I felt like we are related. I hope we continue this relationship. After all..we are stuck with each other.

This has been the longest, hardest year of my life and it is not over yet. I have a few more battles to conquer before this year ends. But so far, so good right?