From Home

So far, its like breaking up with somebody you have been with for a few years. For those of you that know me well, you might see how this is somewhat of an unwanted flashback.

For the last almost 3.5 years of my life, I have dedicated my time and energy to this company. I came in with no experience and made sure to knock down every barrier and any odds that were stacked against me so that I could climb the ladder into a position that would make me proud. Until this job, I had never been promoted to anything and I don't think I ever had the desire or motivation to do so. Not here. I was on a mission and I had to prove to myself, that I can be more then just a worker bee at the bottom of a barrel. Granted, I wasn't a manager or any kind of superior, but I was many platforms away from the position I had first held.

When I interviewed for this job, my resume had been mixed up with somebody who had experience. So, when I let the interviewers know that they had the wrong resume, and that mine was the one with no experience, I made sure to give the best interview that I could give, and it worked. I was told that this is the kind of job that had plenty of room for growth and that it comes fast. It was true, if you really wanted it. After 2 years, about 2 and a half different departments, awards, gifts and decent raises, I was finally able to secure my way into the position I wanted from the day I got there. But, after 2 layoffs and some huge unexpected setbacks to the company, the 3rd set of layoffs weren't as kind to me. I have been sent packing.

I am not upset that I was chosen this time around (along with 500 others), because this company invested in me the same way that I had invested in it. I got out of it what I put into it, and I can't complain. I know that it is usually not that easy to progress in most company's, so I am grateful to have gotten to where I was at before the layoff. Not only did I progress in the company, but I progressed into a better employee, a harder worker, better team player and able to twist and bend with an ever changing workflow. I wrote a letter to one of my managers the weekend before the layoff, and I told her that "I hope for the best, but I am ready for the worse. What I take from you, **** and everybody I have worked with here, will be invaluable to my future as a team player in almost any setting imaginable." She sent me a nice reply but she ended up losing her job before I made it to the office, so I am glad I was able to put that out there because the people in this company (past and present) are awesome and I really wish nothing but the best for everybody.

Anyhoo, I am sure it will take me a few days or maybe a bit longer to get used to this, but at this point in my life, I am not afraid of change. However, I really am going to miss the people who made going to work extremely easy...so much time spent with them, 5 days a week. Its almost like moving away from family. I feel like I have been able to secure myself some lifetime friends. Thats nice.

I'll be fine.

Take care, my friends.

Single

February 11th will mark me being single for a year. No dating either. Some flirting and a few sex romps but nothing serious at all. I keep saying that I want to date and that I am ready to meet somebody new bla bla bla. But I dont think that is the case. I am lonely and miss just laying down next to somebody I care for and randomly slow dancing ...but I have too much to accomplish this year. Being with somebody will just slow me down and I can't afford to be distracted again.

I have already slowed down the partying and I havent had a "drink" since New Years. I can do without it and it feels great to come home and not be drunk while putting my key in the door. I know it hasnt been a lot of time (only 3 weeks) since I dropped the partying and drinking, but I cannot imagine being like that anymore. However, I do NOT frown upon it! I just can't fit that into my life right at this time. Now I have to work on sleeping early on the days that I would normally go out.

My bday is coming up (Feb 15th) and I am excited for it to come and go. For the last few years my bday has been...well...not so good. Lets just leave it at that. So I am trying to plan something and maybe throw a party...maybe just a get together somewhere..I have no idea..I just want to celebrate. One of my friends told me that my year seems to not officially start until my bday because something life changing usually happens on it that forces me to switch everything up.

So I look forward to this new "New Year" coming up.

On a random note: This is a pic that is on the Krash website (krashnyc.com). This was a very good night and I look forward to seeing my NY friends again. I miss ya'll so much!


8-19-06