Let it be

I went to another therapy session today (thursday feb 7th). It was very awkward and I do not think I need to go to that place anymore. I understand how important something like therapy can be for certain individuals...but not for me. Sitting there for an hour talking about myself and my problems is just too much (and boring).I am telling this person all of these important things about me and then when I leave I feel like I have gotten nothing out if it. If anything I leave feeling raw...for no reason.

One thing that I got out of my session actually hurt me. I was slightly late (as I am for everything) and I mentioned that being late is almost like having a disease. The therapist then said that it is. And it is part of my ADD. I was blown away that she said that because I believed her and yet I never put the two together. In that one moment of clarity, I felt so vulnerable and foolish.

That realization snowballed into a deep feeling of despair for my coworkers. I knew that I had to go into that empty office and face the fact that I wouldn't be seeing the people who taught me how to get my job done, made me laugh, encouraged me, inspired me and loved me. I had to go in there knowing that the last time I saw them here..they were crying or walking away in disbelief. And yet, I had to go there and work.

I couldn't finish my egg and cheese croissant at Dunkin' Donuts because I felt so awful. I exited and walked towards the train station thru wind and snow. As cold as it was, my face was hot and my eyes welled up. I was tempted to just call out and go home because I was emotionally distraught. However, I couldn't let my sadness get the best of me. Like everything else, it will pass.

I may not work with these people anymore, but life isn't over. If any of my coworkers and I are meant to be friends outside of work, it will happen.

If not, no love lost. None at all.
I live to love.