Oh, Sick.

Today I am sick. Yes, 2 days away from my party and I am sick. This is such bad timing because this is the begining of whatever sickness I have and I can feel it.

I have not gotten any better since last night. I have gotten worse. =/

I did manage to take these pics because I am home sick and extremely bored...so why not?

Whats Wrong?

I have been dogged by fatigue for the past 6 days now and its getting out of hand. I went to the gym once and could barely do 30 minutes and I cant do anything fast without feeling like my head is going to fall off. This exact time last year (almost to the exact DAY) I had similar symptoms but they were not as drawn out. Im wondering if its seasonal allergies or as a friend brought to my attention, I could be lacking something. Something like vitamins or iron or some shit like that. Or worse case scenario I could have something like diabetes.


I have a doctors appointment tomorow so I'm at least on the right track. I need to shake this bullshit. Im such a productive person so it kills me to be too "tired" to finish a work day. I had to call my mother to pick me up early from work today. Im a grown ass man...why am I calling my mom? lol After I hung up I cried a little in my coworkers cubicle. Not like weeping...just got very emotional and teary eyed because its so frustrating to feel this way. Even my fucking joints are tired. Im a dancer. Things like that hit me hard when I cant walk without feeling achey. Its not a sad feeling..its a feeling that pisses me off.


I hate to be stopped. That could be it.

This semi-sickness is like being in limbo. Am I going to wake up feeling better tomorow? or am I going to get worse? None.

I stayed in all Sunday so I could rest and be beter for today. To stay productive, I cleaned and took some pics of myself. Damn Im skinny.

Shadows

I decided to take today off from work because my allergies are kicking my ass and I also just needed a mental day for myself. I know those that know me are like "What? you have Fridays off!!" LOL I have a 4 day 40 hour schedule. So I always have a 3 day weekend. But I make sure to stay busy all 3 days because I need to be productive. This weekend was taxing on me because of the photo shoot and then feeling sick from my allergies the following morning. I am not complaining..but I am tired and emotional.

Here is what I am getting to:

I am sad. This photo stuff is something I really want to do and I will be pursuing it. But this means that my plans to move are of course going to be (once again) pushed back.

A little history on where I live: I once shared this apartment with my best friend and my ex. We were very much like family. My best friend moved out to further his career and months after that my ex and I broke up and he moved out. I have been well put together and have pressed on with myself. However, I am still very much affected. I look around this house..and yes..I love my roommates! But the 3 of us (being my ex and best friend) did so much work on this apartment from the floors to the ceiling (literally) that it is haunting at times. I feel so left behind and homeless in this place. But I don't see a point in moving to another apartment because I just want to get out of this city.

Time goes by and I am just fine. I have a good job, great roommates, my baby girl Nina and I am living comfortably with my cash flow. But then those days creep in and I feel so awful. I miss my ex terribly and it breaks my heart some mornings to wake up in the same bed, same sheets and pillows...and not have him by my side. I don't even sleep on his side of the bed. My best friend as well. I miss being able to just chill and go out and walk around and talk shit. I see his old room sometimes and I think of all the hard work that was put into it and it just gets to me.

My best friend and I will eventually be at the same place at the same time and our relationship is still just as good. My ex and I...well..we'll never be able to be friends at this rate and without that, we'll just always be a memory to each other. It saddens me because I love him with everything in me, but I can only do so much. I feel like a lot of these feelings will lift once I move. Its one thing to remember...its another to have to be reminded of it everyday.

So yes, I am pursuing photography but its gonna keep me here a little longer...and Im just a little down..but it will work out. I just had to let that out.

Thanks for getting this far.

Fashion, Update and Strep.

My online friends may not know this(because I am nekkid everywhere), but I am heavily into clothes and fashion. I am not the type to follow trends and go with what is in this season. Not at all. If anything I want something from last season, this season and whatever "Mikey" fashion staple I have around me. I love to mix fashion up. What we wear should be a statement about our character. It may not be what we are on the surface..but how we want to be portrayed and or how we are in our minds. It is many things..but one thing is for sure...our style comes from within.

I am a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy. I have all different kinds of Black T's and distressed looking jeans. I tend to blend those with busy sneakers and whatever accessory works for the moment. This year I am looking for a more expensive look. How I am going to achieve that is beyond me. lol I am broke and I plan on making a big move. But somehow someway I will get what I want. I am determined. Grrrrr

An update on my previous blog:

I finally spoke to the person that brought all of the chit chatter to my attention and he clarified a lot of things. Things aren't as bad as they seemed. This is a lesson I have learned before but that I preach about all the time: "If you give people part of the story..they will make up the rest." Its not fair on both ends. So if you have something to say, say it right and don't hold back.

Also, I was pre-diagnosed with Mono on Tuesday. Yes, MONO. Who the hell gets that anyways?? Apparently somebody like me. I fell ill at work and went to my doctor where he did a Strep test that came back neg. So he then continued to take ALL of my blood for the mono test. I came home and did all this research and was completely devested at what I read. Look it up...its not cute. So yeah, the doctor then gives me a call the following day and says that I came out neg. for mono and pos for Strep. Oddly enough that was the best news I could hear at that moment. I actually prayed for some kind of miracle and cried myself to sleep the night before(poor Nina!), so I feel like my prayers were answered.

Now all I need is for somebody to bring me some damn soup!