Sex and Fashion

Great combo right? Apparantly not all the time. I am such a sexual person and I thrive on sharing mutual lust for somebody. I want to be wanted just as much as I want...for somebody else. Does that make sense? You know like Marvin Gaye: "I want you the right way, I want you, but I want you to want me too." See Im not asking for anybody to give me what I would not give back. I can be just as giving and appreciative as the next person so give me what I deserve man!

Tonight I will once again go to bed with nothing in return. I want so much and I show it and I prove it all the time. Im not being selfish. I often find myself just giving up now. At one point I would pretty much demand what I felt I deserved. I cant do that anymore. I will not do it anymore. I hate to say this but if things dont change there will be reperucussions. I like to think Im attractive. Other people think I am too...well when I was single I felt that way. Now I know I have let myself go a little bit but not by that much. Sex should not be this difficult.

Anyhoo on to fashion. I have ALWAYS been fashion forward. My mom used to design clothes and dressed me in Lacosse (among other lables I cannot afford as an adult) at a very early age so I grew up with a sense of style. As I got older I experimented with a lot of different looks and I was never afraid to be alternative or grungy. I have had very long hair and very short hair and I have rocked my styles right. Fades, blow outs, braids, cornrolls twists, and dyed. I havent done it all..but I have done enough with this hair of mine.

I have felt the most comfortable in loose fit clothing. Although I grew up with many influences I have always leaned to my hip hop roots. I spent a big part of my youth in LA during the 80's while my uncles were in gangs and breakdancing. Lord thank gawd I didn't get into that cholo style!!! Anyhoo this last year has been tough on me financially and my taste has been changing. Not to mention I have been losing and gaining weight so much that depending on when I bought my clothes it might not look the same a month after its purchase. So since I havent been able to shop as much or even remain the same size, my clothes do not match. Either my t shirts (because thats all I have been able to afford) either look too small for my jeans or vice versa.

Footwear has been a battle too. I have fallen into this Puma wrestling boot phase that now makes me sick to my stomach. I really loved them at one point and I always managed to get the most exotic and expensive pair out there. Even if they had to be imported. Now I hate them because I can't afford anything new. So Im stuck in this sort of prancing shoe mode. Don't that shit suck? Im ready for a new style. Or at least something constant. What really needs to happen is I need to stick to a healthy diet and stay one size long enough to not have to feel like Im too small or too big therefore ruining whatever clothes I have recently purchased.

I just wanna get my nice body back so I can walk around half nekkid. I mean when I had a really nice body it was covered in baggy clothes. Now that Im older and I get way less sex I want my body back so I can feel sexy ....since I dont get any of it. Damn this is a long blog! Well to sum it all up...lemme do some push ups and put on some feel good clothes and seduce myself to sleep (again).

I would like to thank this blog for letting type all of this shit up. lol

::muahzz::



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