My Ritalin Odyssey

Where did September go?

I'll sum it up:

RIP Angie Infiniti (pictured on the left). You will always be an important part of my life. No words can describe how much I learned from you. You were the most selfless person I have ever met.

I Love you.

I worked close to 6 days a week

One of my best friends moved back to Boston

Louisiana paid me a visit..and so did my house bro.

I was placed on Meds for my ADD.

It was all capped off with my trip to Atlanta, which is the bulk of this blog.

Here goes....

I went to ATL to meet somebody I have been in contact with for the last 7 years. I have always had this slight crush on him because after all of these years I never lost interest in him. We spoke online and sometimes on the phone and he always brought a lot to the table. One of the smartest people I have spoken to and extremely attractive.His pictures showed me an adorable face...his eyes filled with unknown innocence and pouty lips that would make anybody want a kiss. Its amazing how 2 people can make contact thru a website and manage to maintain a friendship for so many years and not have officially met.

Along with being friends, we flirted a whole lot. It has always been simple. No expectations and the flirting was not what kept us in contact. These are some of the things that made me like him throughout all of these years. Buying the ticket was a bit scary because I knew that things could possibly change. However, I am new. Where I wasn't into risk taking, now, I am. Everything before I got on the plane was very normal. My feelings weren't going crazy and I didn't feel like something was going to happen. I wanted to go into this with little to no expectations because I had no idea what to expect. But...beneath all of the neutral feelings, somewhere inside me, I love this man..and I have for many years now. I was never sure (and still not sure) what kind of love it was (is) because I was with somebody for a few years in between and well...I just don't know. That's all I can say...I guess. Maybe as I am typing the rest of this blog I'll figure it out...or not.

Fast forward to when I got off of the plane. I walked towards him and all of the feelings, big, small and hidden...did not come to point like I thought they might. Maybe it did, but was so small I didn't notice. I expected maybe a big hug and lots of smiles. Maybe just a couple of smiles. None. I think I gave a shy smile but it was met with expressionless eyes.I felt like I was meeting up with a friend for lunch that I saw the day B4. Very anticlimactic. Again, before I left I made sure to have no expectations, I simply went to meet this man face to face because 7 years is a long time and I felt comfortable enough to get on a plane for this "meeting."

Being that this was my first time meeting him face 2 face, I let it go because I didn't know if this was how he is. Some people are very expressionless and you don't get a sense of that by chatting online or conversations over the phone. People are multifaceted and sometimes you have to see them in the flesh to get a better understanding.

There were some little things I learned about him that made me a little sad. But I understand that is my problem and I have to remember that people live their lives differently. And its ok. My views are mine and nobody else's. It was nothing major and Im fine as long as he is.

At the airport, when I was leaving, I decided to make the effort to give him a hug since the opportunity was missed when I first got there. I started to give him a big hug but it was met with one of those pat-on-the-back hugs. Very business and impersonal.

I am a little disappointed. I hate admitting that because you know....I tried to go into this with no expectations. But, I feel like I now know this person less then I did when I got there. I do not like him any less. At all...I still have so much love and respect for him because he is still a good person. I do, I really do.

We have different shoes to fill.

And you know, I didn't have a bad time...I actually had a good time. I pushed all of that weirdness aside for most of the trip. This is what I went there for...to meet him and see what he is like in person. He is no less important to me then he was before I went on this trip.

It's close to 2am and I am still awake, writing.....