Don't do it

I was given some great advice by none other then John. I told him how I am basically holding myself back and that I am trying to understand why it is I am doing that to myself. He told me not to do it. Don't even try to psychoanalyze it. 

Really? 

My whole life I have built myself up by psychoanalyzing my thoughts and actions. I have done this to mold and shape the way that I am today. But with that small statement of his, I just realized that I am harming myself in the process. Easier said then done...but its a big statement. 

NYC Pride '08

A lot of pictures were taken, but not with my camera. So, this is all I have for now. However, I wore 2 different outfits and there are plenty of beautiful people who are not represented in these 2 photo's. Although the 2 who count the most are in them: John and Brandon. I can always count on them to feel comfortable, loved and we always share some big laughter.

The day started off at a hole in the wall restaurant in the East side. We ate vegan red velvet cupcakes and I think I had some kind of Morrocan chicken wrap. After that, we hit up a party at the Gansevoort Hotel where we hid from the rain under table top umbrella's. From there we walked thru the Meat Packing District and chilled at Los Dados. After an hour of carrying on and drinking, we made our way to the much too crowded Pier at the end of Christopher street. I can't do that place during Pride anymore. Too many children and just too damn packed. If everybody in the ghetto was gay and they walked into the middle of the street...you would understand.

The night ended at a club called Hiro. I was there 2 years ago to see Esthero perform and the venue is gorgeous. I had a really good time there, I danced next to a cute porn star while exchanging glances (why do porn stars like me and why do they NEVER live in Boston??) all night and was hit on by a few people. Its nice to feel attractive. I also got to hang out with a very handsome guy...we made out. I know...very fast of me, but it was Pride. Oddly enough, I don't think we had any chemistry. I am very hot and cold like that..I either really like you or I am numb to you. Boo!

As usual, I didn't get to see everybody I wanted to see, but I will be back soon.

To sum it up...it was a good weekend. I will post other pics if I get my hands on them.

Down in Virgina.

I had the privilege of visiting my friend John and staying in his home. He is such an amazing person. I have met very few people with as much drive as him. This weekend I was able to see where a lot of his magic comes from. Everything from his diverse neighborhood, friends, family, school, job, old school hangouts and hot spots.

It was not like how we do when we are in NYC, this trip was far more organic. Everything about him is larger then life. Physically..he is a tall man, everything else follows suit. It was great to see this country-like surrounding helped create such a creative and cutting edge person. As soon as I got to his house, his Mom had already prepared Chicken Adobo. I never had it before, but it was great tasting and ethnic. It reminded me of my grandmothers cooking. She sang around the house and was very talkative, I could feel so much warmth from her and I saw a lot of that in John as well.

If you are ever around my Mom long enough, you will see the traits I have inherited from her...impatience and shady glares. lol

But yeah...it was a very relaxing weekend and I have a lot more respect for John (not that I ever lacked any..)

Not only do I consider him to be a good friend, but I see him as a person who is good for me. Sometimes you look up and you realize that somebody is good for you. He is far from perfect and I do not idolize him. That is just a set up for dissapointment. Nonetheless, he is a good influence and I appreciate him.

On a random note, he knows how to draw his mans face without looking at any pictures. You have to really love somebody to know their features inside and out.

Beautiful huh?

Tall, Dark and Vegan

I followed John all thru SoHo on Satrday afternoon. It can be a bit challenging keeping up with those "model legs," but I was up for the task and as usual, it was quite the learning experience. John showed me where he shops and brought me to a really nice show room where the most beautiful tiles were on display. There was a "no picture" policy so we had to commit fashion espionage to get that one pic of him in the display bathroom. Just another day in NYC.

It was very sunny out and we walked around NYU and ate some snacks while talking about life. He is such a breath of fresh air because he is like walking art and is taking the right steps in the direction he wants to be in. Im proud of John and also privledged to have people like him around to inspire me and to prove that it can be done. He also has the most nastiest mouth I have encountered. Ha! Thankfully I am not easily offended by words because I don't have the purest mouth my-damn-self.

Amen to that.

Oh Summer

This was my last weekend in NYC for the summer and I have many mixed emotions. In a sense I feel like this year is over but of course its not. Its going to get harder. No more hot days beating the streets of NYC with the people who have sustained me this year. Up until the summer I was a huge emotional mess. Why mention the reason? This summer showed me how to open up and be myself again. I have met some cute guys and have considered dating a few but for one reason or another it just wasn't meant to be. I also was able to recapture my passion for dance. How bout I just list the things about this summer that have helped me in one way or another?

Genuine people who have showed me how to have a good time.

My Boston crew: Johnny, Danny, Patrice, Byron and Stephanie

My NYC crew: Harvey, Brandon, John and Frowen (and the many people I have met thru you 2), Eric, Carlos and Oso.

My eyes were definitely opened this year and a lot of people have come and gone and a lot of true colors were shown in such a short amount of time. A lot of fakers and fronters and plenty of people who bit off more then they could chew. Good sex, bad sex, a yearning to be wanted for more then just my body, self realizations, the hardest HIV test I ever took (negative but still..) hot club nights, a lot of booze, Richie, day breaking, getting over (and still) my ex, a lot of shopping, sushi, cooking, many many trips and accepting my weight problem. There is more but those are the ones that stand out.

Individual shout outs:

Johnny, thank you so much for taking me out of the house those first few times. Life was harder then you know before you came a long and showed me I could go out in Boston. And of course for introducing me to Patrice and Danny.

John, we finally met! Talk about MySpace networking? I enjoy you profusely and thank you for introducing me to Frowen and the rest of your eclectic friends. I admire and live thru you and Frown's relationship and I can only hope that things progress for you two. And of course I hope I am there for it.

Stephanie, thank you for being apart of my "coming back to reality" process. Your light and friendly attitude was such a needed breath of fresh air. We can drive anywhere and never stop talking.

Brandon, thank you for being patient and for being a real friend. I love you with all of my heart and you are one of my best investments. Its been what..7 years? Here is to another million (do u think we'll still be hot then? lol)

Harvey, you are and have been the brother I never had. I don't know where I would be or how I would have survived these last 4 years without you. Thank you for being one of the most constant people in my life (especially in these times). Let us now focus.

China, we can not talk for large periods of times but I know that I can count on you and you can always count on me. I could have died that rainy weekend but you came to my rescue. You may never know how much you helped me that day but I still think about it and it makes me emotional just knowing how selfless you can be. That prom forever changed our lives.

Daland, how weird is it for me to type that name? Im so use to typing the Ex,"Him" or any other variation. You have loved me like no other and yet you have hurt me just the same. Not sure if you were trying to undo all of the love that we built but whatever the case may be...I don't have it in me to hate you. Thank you for showing me that I can be very weak, emotionally and mentally and that I don't know it all. Realizing that has made me a better man because those are mistakes I will not make again. I will love again and thanks to you I know how sweet it is and I know how to cook, clean and put my needs (when appropriate) to the side for the next man I am with.

Ivette, my sister. This is the first time ever that we have been able to see eye to eye on many things and this is the first time I felt like we are related. I hope we continue this relationship. After all..we are stuck with each other.

This has been the longest, hardest year of my life and it is not over yet. I have a few more battles to conquer before this year ends. But so far, so good right?