Custom Shades Rock!!!

With the help of my friend Ellis, I was able to take these pics. These shades make for good pics. I got them from these very talented twins, Coco and Breezy. I met them in SoHo last month and was floored by their funky style and amazing shades. They were literally causing a scene on Broadway. People were slowing down to look at them. Anyhoo, they are very sweet and made these shades for me. You can place orders on their website: cocoandbreezy.com

Dear Aaliyah,

It has been 8 years since you have left and I have made it a point to (try) dedicate a post to you every year. Be it on your birthday or on your passing. Aaliyah, your music inspired me to be as crazy into music as I am today. When you first came out with Age Ain't Nothing But A Number, I loved every single song on it. It was the first time that I realized I could become invested in an artist. When you disappeared between Age Aint Nothing But A Number and One in a Million, I panicked and read every music mag I could in order to find news on you. It was then that I started becoming music business savvy. And in true law of attraction fashion, I attracted many people in my life involved in and around music (or music school lol).

When One in a Million came out, I was floored at how different your music was. Actually, I was a bit confused because it sounded like nothing I had heard before. Sure, there was different music everywhere and I wasn't blind to it...but not in r&b. Not in pop and not in hip hop. Then came my interest in shiny pants from Tommy Hilfiger and my eyewear fetish lol. I even got the Yoji Yamamoto sunglasses you wore in If Your Girl Only Knew. I still have them to this day.

Somewhere between your first 2 albums, I became a dancer (was in a few dance groups and an urban dance company) and used One In A Million in one of my high school productions. The dance group I was in at the time did the song justice and I felt so good for being able to share my talent and love of your music. You released 6 singles from that album, sold 8 million world wide and proved that you were not the one hit wonder people predicted you to be.

By the time your 3rd album, Aaliyah, came out, you starred in Romeo Must Die, won an MTV VMA for Try Again, completed Queen of the Damned and were filming your parts in The Matrix. I was SO happy for you! I not only watched and invested in your growth, but I grew with you. We were the same age and our birthdays are a month apart. We both shared a connection to Sade (and I recently realized that you both share the same bday) and it seemed like the world was finally paying attention to all of your hard work.

However, on Aug 25, 2001, you got on that plane and never made it out alive.

I cried sincere tears for you and myself. I was going thru some young love shit at the time and this was the last thing I needed. But you know, everything happens for a reason and although I would love to have you here for the world to enjoy, you left a lasting impression on music (and me) and I could honestly not ask for anything more. You help put the wheels in motion and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, Aaliyah...you are apart of the soundtrack of my life and nothing can change that.

May you be resting in peace somewhere along with Biggie and Lefteye.

Missing you,

Mike Milan

I Choose.

Thats right, I choose. I choose everything that goes on in my life. The good, the bad...all of it. I think we are all aware that we have chosen the path that we are on..but to fully understand it is something entirely different. I understand it now and I refuse to short change myself. Easier said then done, but I feel like something has snapped in my mind. I only have ONE life and I am living it now. Its so basic, but when I really think about how much I am missing because of my choices, I think about how I need to stop being so scared to lose something I don't even have yet. And really, who gets everything without failing at some point? So I am getting myself to a place where I can just do shit without doubting myself.

Again, easier said then done...but I am so ready for this change.

On another note, my good friend Bory came to visit from Boston. She is the most optimistic person in my life. She breathes a lot of joy into my heart and I always love when she visits. Here are just a few pics from our fun weekend:

Back to Face.

I haven't shaved in 10 months. I only trimmed my beard and shaped it up...but a beard is a beard. Now, here I am with my mustache/goatee. Its a look i have rocked forever and its nice to see that after almost a whole year of something else, I can still go back to the beginning.

FYI, this pic is not photoshopped!

Dumb Date.

I had a shitty date 2nite. I'm going to describe it..but I don't want u to think that its a roast because its not. A guy on facebook asked me out on a dinner date. I was a little surprised because I haven't had that happen before. Honestly, online, people usually ask to hangout or to have sex. Lol I know...but its true.

Anyhoo, I agreed to the date and went in with no expectations. We could be better off as friends, not be compatible at all, be super into each other, decide to skip it all and just fuck or whatever. So we meet up at the time and place that he chose, he asked me if I ate and I said no, we get to the restaurant and he then tells me that he ate before he got here and was too full to eat a meal. He decided he would get a small desert and something to drink.

I felt weird because I didn't want to eat a whole meal while he ate a brownie. He then asked me if I wanted to leave and go to Coffee Shop. I thought he meant an actual coffee shop and not another restaurant named Coffee Shop, across the street. I said yes, and off we went. I was confused at first, but I went along with it. There was no desert menu (cuz they prolly show it to u after the meal) but he knew the menu and ordered a brownie and iced tea...you know what I ordered? Water. That's what I fucking ordered. "And what will u have?" "I'll have water. Thanks."

It was all downhill after that. I could not hide my disappointment, my face never lies. You know..I just don't get how u can set something like this up and show up with a full belly.

Ok, lets say that he lied. Maybe there was some other reason that he didn't want to share. He should have canceled. As a grown man, when u make plans to go out on a date, u should take accountability and try to make things right when they go wrong. There was no damage control. Just my water and his brownie.

In his defense, he seemed like a really nice guy and he really tried to get to know me and was asking lots of questions. He really tried to keep the convo going. But, I was hungry and annoyed...so it was a wrap.

We obviously won't be going on another date...ever. But I wish him the best of luck.

****ONE MORE THING****

I almost forgot about this part. While we were sitting at The Coffee House, he was trying to keep the convo going and actually said "Tell me about your last ex.." I thought it was so absurd....that I blocked it out. Who the fuck brings up failed relationships and ex's on a FIRST date?? a.mess.

Dummy.

This and That.

Lately, I have been thinking about...dating. (in my head) I have been kind of anti dating for close to a year now. Or maybe more. But...I thought of my last relationship and realized that I can't let that be the last relationship I ever have. I can't let that be the last time I fall in love. I don't want to take anything away from it or make it seem as if my last ex wasn't worthy, but I have so much love to give and I am sure that somebody out there deserves to have a good man. As do I.

I am not desperate nor am I going to do any searching...Im just letting myself know that I am finally open to the possibility. See, I mentioned here earlier this year that I believe I may never fall in love again and that I am ok with it. But once I thought about my relationship resume, I had a change of heart. lol

In that last relationship, I gave everything that I had but it didn't work. I am and always have been ok with it and have always known it was a great contribution to me as a person. All failed relationships have made me better for the next . Although my ex's will always have a place in my heart... there has to be more. And there will be...I know it. At first I believed that I would just move right along..but somehow I just got comfortable with the idea of being happily single forever. But that may come from the fact that my last relationship put me thru a lot.

Unknowingly, I shut down a little and my heart may have become a little lazy. However, I refuse to become a victim of love and war. I am too strong for that. My view of self worth is sometimes skewed because I forget that every aspect of my life counts. I deserve to give and receive love again.

Its just gonna happen when it happens.

I like that Freak Shit.

I like to party in different places with very different people. And no, these are not Halloween pics! ;)

Site Updates Coming Soon...

Its been a few years and I think I may finally give this blog its own address. I also need to change the banner. I want it to represent what I look like now (which changes often) and my surroundings. As far as the overall appearance of the site, I am most likely going to keep it the same. The meat and potatoes of this blog is the entries. So I dont need to go overboard with how it looks. The formula works and I am going to keep it that way.

As of now, life is taking place and I am very thankful for many things.

=)

Damn, Im tired!

Really, I am. I have been having symptoms of chronic fatigue for just about 2 weeks now. It started with the flu and now its this random tired shit. I look fine and I dont show it, but sometimes when Im out or working...I am DEAD on the inside. Seriously. Like Im a strong breeze away from being knocked over. My body wants to just lay out and do nothing. Lately, my head has been throbbing and at one point last week I felt my face got numb for a few seconds.

So yes, I am going to finally make an appointment with a doctor on Monday.

Now give me some monies. lol jkk

Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I am still in good spirits. =)

Yup.

Recently, I cut ties with a friend I have had for almost 8 years. It has been a long time coming and it feels great. This person has used me for every resource possible in the last few years. I am a bit angry but not as much as I thought I would be. I got by on the last few years of our friendship on the idea of "taking somebody for who they are." However, it got old and was harmful to me.

My feelings on this person is that he is a user. A user in every sense of the word. He gets into your good graces with his infectious personality and intelligent conversations, but when you take a closer look, its all a facade. What lies behind that fun attitude and intelligence is a person that will USE you for ALL that you have and leave you with nothing left. He wont even say thank you. Trust me, I know from seeing him use other people and even using me. I have a lot to say on this subject, but we unfortunately share some acquaintances and I have said enough.

I don't want to look petty.

FYI I don't cut friends off because of Twitter. Like a broken marriage, some friendships have you drinking the milk long after it has soured.

For Who I Am.

Sometimes saying the "wrong" things isn't such a bad thing. Therefore I don't mask who I am because I like myself too much. I have been meeting a lot of different people in NYC and I have finally come up on the "I dont do gay things" gay guys. I can respect that. Its a preference and I have my own so I am not going to dismiss people over it. However, that is just me and a lot people can be close minded. And you know what? Im ok with that too. Because the core of who you are shouldn't be the places you like to party. So if you are willing to ignore who I really am because I like to dance next to Drag Monsters, Trannies and Bears...its all good. No love loss, I promise. I may be too free spirited for you to handle.

However, if you asked me to describe myself, I wouldn't include my favorite club night in that description. I would tell you that I am obsessed with music, love to dance and that I talk too much. Anybody that knows me well, will tell you that is a very accurate description of me. I mean, there are other things to add as well, but again, a club would not make it into that description.

All the other qualities are there for you to find out. I am somewhat hesitant to say things like "im a good friend, trust worthy and dependable.." because those are common lies. I would rather just show and prove. I have nothing to hide. I mean, look at this blog! lol

I am writing this because I feel like I have been unfairly judged in the last few weeks. I don't have a problem with being judged, but if you are going to do it..do it right! damn. lol

FYI do not let my soft demeanor lead you to believe "other" things about me. ;)

Tameka Raymond Update

As some of you may have read, I had a Twitter battle with Tameka Raymond. I said some pretty harsh things (as I am naturally a smart mouthed individual) and Tameka has seen it all. I know this because she reached out to me. She was extremely nice and wanted to know if we have met and why would I say such shady things about her. I really respect a person that can approach me about some of the things I have to say about them. I am not a coward about the things that I say and am fully ok with admitting to being wrong or rude. Its all good. I take complete ownership of the words, actions and energies that I put out.

With all of that being said, during our very polite conversation, I apologized to Mrs Raymond because I never said any of those things to directly offend her. In the grand scheme of things, I am nothing in that woman's life. She is blessed to have the kind of life that she has, and although I am still a bit thrown off as to why my comments would have any affect on her, she is still human and I don't get any joy from personally offending somebody that I do not know. I am not the Perez Hilton type that builds a career out of tearing people down. There is no money involved here and nothing to gain from allowing my words to negatively impact somebody else's life.

I am still going to leave my previous post up because this blog is my diary. I personally go over the things that I type to see where I have come from and where I am now. I will however, add a link to this entry so if anybody stumbles upon it, they will know where Tameka and I stand. We're now Twitter friends and I have a newfound respect for her. 

Thank you Mrs Raymond, for clearing some things up and for being a lady.

Feel free to follow us on Twitter:

 twitter.com/TamekaRaymond & twitter.com/MikeMilan215 

Bubble Tweeting and stuff.

Bubble Tweet Vid of me singing a Keri Hilson joint.

Be nice! lol

Also, here a few pics from this weekend. My friend Erin, from Boston, came to visit me. She is pure awesomeness. Here are pics on my stoop. I was soooo tired. Look at how small my eyes are in these pics!! Well..they are not that much smaller then usual..but u know. lol

 

 

@ The F*Word. Saturday nights at Santos.

This Face.

This is the face of a very drunk person.

Boooo

Today, I realized that I have been keeping a lot of my life private away from my friends. Not intentionally, but I have so much going on right now that I would rather not talk about it. I have never been so stressed in my life and I don't feel the need to express it to anybody or even ask for help. Unfortunately, I don't have the kind of friends that can help me in the situations that I am in. Its all good, I know if they could help they would. Well, at least one of them would.

I think the pressure is making me a more irritable person. I think about how I have been such a good friend to some, and how I seldom get what I put out, in return. Now, before I sound like a whining baby, I am nice because that is how I am...not because I expect it in return. I don't give selfishly. However, damn!! lol It would still be nice to have what I've given out! lol I mean, u have to admit it...most of us treat people the way we want to be treated. I am not waiting for that day and never will. But when you are down and out and trying to get your hustle on, it pops into your mind, "I wish somebody would do for me what I did for them..."

Then reality hits. Thats right....I may actually care too much. So then I end up feeling like an asshole because I don't want to be a cold person by caring less. All of this pressure seems to push these negative feelings to the surface. I hate that. Thank goodness I am aware of this funky attitude I have. It makes it easier to keep it in check.

Anyhoo, I am being challenged and I am stepping up to the plate.

Fuck off. lol ;)

I still get my party on though!

Ready for Contact?

I think I am getting to the point where I am not only wanting to live a normal/employed life, so much, that I am starting to want to date...but like real dating. Not the "dinner and a fuck type" of stuff I have been doing. Don't get me wrong..I like "dinner and a fuck" nights, but I am only doing that because I am not in the position to date anybody. I try not to date when my life isn't together. Its only fair. Who wants to date a mess? 

I see people do it all the time and its so tragic. I would much rather die alone before I allow myself to date an uphill battle. The only time you should struggle with somebody you are with is when you not only love them, but when there is time invested in this person/relationship. New people just don't have the room to be difficult. At least not for me. If you are difficult from jump, I do not want to see what you will be like later. Fuck good qualities...do right by me! lol for real. Sorry, I had to get hood to get my point across.

I need to start sleeping normally again. Let us all cross our fingers for this coming week. There could be some serious changes for me. ;)

In the Mood.

I was in a picture taking mood today. I got some good news today from 2 different places and I felt well rested. It was also raining fiercely and I was a bit antsy. So I pulled out my new camera and took advantage of the brief moment of sun spilling thru an empty room in my apt. These are the results:

I have been a little dry in the picture taking department. Maybe its the weather, but I feel ready to pick up the camera again. And as usual, I always use myself to set it off. However, I am ready to beat the streets with different people. Lets get it!!!

Veiled Siren Speaks.

This is a post to highlight my Texas Ace Boon Koon! We met on myspace a few years ago after I could not stop reading her blogs. The woman is not only very smart, but naturally funny. Her blog is very similar to mine. There is no gimmick here..its all her and all real. It doesn't come off as being attention seeking. It feels more like a person keeping you updated with the random things only a good friend would provide you with. Although its been a few years, we haven't met face to face yet. I thought I had the opportunity once, but a ticket that was offered to me turned out to be non transferable. Boo to that. In due time, Tiff!

Anyhoo, check it out and enjoy: Diary of a Moonchild

This is one of my fav entries: Old Time Sake

Her link has also been added to my Favorite Links.

Good days do exist.

Awhile back, I mentioned that I may have some pictures in Nylon Magazine, for my friend Ryan's new salon. Well, it happened! I am very satisfied with my work being that I am not good at taking pictures of anything but people. I was asked to take pictures of the inside and outside of the salon. Its actually a small space and the bathroom shot was almost impossible because of how narrow it is. But, it worked and they used it. 

Yesterday, I was walking near Union Square with a friend while he was on his lunch break, when I got a text from a stylist friend of mine. She mentioned that she saw Ryan's salon in Nylon Magazine with Lindsay Lohan on the cover. I knew it was coming out soon, but I still forgot. So I was very excited to hear this news while I was in the city and surrounded by places that sold magazines. My ADD got the best of me while I was in a store looking thru the magazine, so I decided to walk over to the salon since I was so close to it. Sure enough, as I approached the door, the magazine cover and the clipping from the inside, were on display in the window.

Ryan gave me a copy since he had a few laying around. It was really weird seeing something that I did in a magazine like Nylon. I understand that it was a very small piece and nothing that was even hard to do, but its mine and it was a big piece of my day. And it was a good day. The weather was nice, I got to see and hang out with important people in my life, I wished my mom a Happy Birthday and I even scored an interview for this coming Tuesday. Im hoping for the best and I am hanging in there. =) 

^^^My work is in the top RIGHT. Click it!!

I actually get my hair done by Mr. Darius.  Before I moved here, a Japanese hairstylist by the name of Yoshie Tanaka, was doing a fabulous job.  I thought it was going to be hard to find another stylist but Ryan stepped in and has really done some justice to these locks. Everybody knows that I don't always do normal hairstyles and I am always switching it up. He doesn't just give me a haircut...he creates! Seriously. Its one thing to go a with hairstylist that can do good hair, but when they can create a whole new look for you..thats a real winner. 

Ryan and I met in Boston and have known each other for more then 5 years now. I have to say that it is great to see another person from where I come from, be so successful in a place like NYC. This is just the beginning for him. He will be doing bigger things in the future. So remember I knew him first! lol jk 

Please feel free to visit his website at ryandariussalon.com, to get more info on this fantastic salon.

His website has been added to my Favorite Links for future reference.

I am on Twitter.

http://twitter.com/MikeMilan215

Check me out. I obviously talk too much, so here is just another way to keep yapping.

Follow me! lol ;)