I love Teedra Moses

Hey Teedra, first and foremost, your show was everything I wanted and more. It was intimate, you sounded great and I knew pretty much all of the songs ( i need to get familiar with more of ur mixtape music tho!). I look forward to seeing another show whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Your music is part of the soundtrack of my life. I have experienced many important life experiences since your album has dropped and I have listened to your songs for strength and inspiration. Everybody that I have introduced your work to, falls in love with you. There is such a great connection in your music. Every word is so sincere that it makes me feel like I can believe everything you say. You are the kind of artist that other artists strive to be. You don't just make music that sounds good, you create connections. I Think of You (Shirley's Song) has gotten me through a lot. Everything from the ending of a long term relationship, to the passing of my uncle. I would keep it on repeat, cry and write my heart out. Its hard to put into words, but that song really helped me out of some really tough times.

I am not just a fan of your music, I am a fan of you. Not that I know your personal life, but the fact that you keep making music, performing and the way you treat your fans, is priceless. You really put your heart into your work and it shows. I can never thank you enough for blessing the world with your beautiful songs. The fact that you knew who I was when I walked into the venue, was life changing! lol I look up to you and I look forward to more of your music.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Mike Milan

For those of you who do not know of Teedra Moses, please look into her. She is available on iTunes and is worth every penny.

Oh Baby!

My first time shooting a child. It was definitely challenging. I had to chase him for good shots. lol However, he's adorable and one of those "good babies." You know what Im talking about..the kind that doesn't show out in public and call his mom a bitch or something. lol You seen them babies!! You know what I mean! lol

Anyhoo, apart from being a good baby, he photographed well.

Balance.

I spoke to a friend earlier this evening about a somewhat messy situation that caused a little bit of friction between us. Once her story and my story were put together, the whole story made more sense and we were able to move on from it with a better understanding of each other. Although I have had my fair share of good friends gone bad, I am always open to potentially good people. I mean, who has perfect friends?

Im writing this because I am grateful to be able to connect with this new friend. As I get older and start to put a lot pieces together, it gets harder to feel like I can make new friends. I wouldn't say that I am jaded, just able to see through the bullshit a lot faster. Hence a lot of that time I would normally spend getting to know somebody, gets a little shorter when I see that they are not up to par. Which is why I cherish the friends I have now. I am very independent and may seem to fall off at times, but I promise that I never leave my friends behind. My heart is much too big for that.

So yes, mistakes happen but if its worth it, there is always a way to balance it out.

I can go on about myself and my characteristics, but my actions describe me better. ;)

Totally unrelated, these are test pics for Madison Kelly bags.

Where's Mikey?

Good times.

Fear is the Enemy.

In this year, I have been published twice: Once in Nylon magazine and once in AMNY. Because these opportunities came fast and without me fully understanding how hard it can be to get into a publication, I haven't really enjoyed it...or given myself the proper credit. When I say credit, I don't mean telling other people...I mean telling MYSELF. Yes, I got these shots through an amazing friend, but if I were garbage, I wouldn't be in Nylon Magazine, would I?

So, there is a fear in me. I think I have been living with this fear since I got laid off last year. Like, what am I going to do with myself? How am I going to make that much money again? Was I really that good or was I just lucky? All of that shit that I just pollute my mind with...it all comes from this fear of me not being good enough. It doesn't just come from me either. It was also fueled by people around me too. If you are reading this, you know who you are.

Negative friends aside, I allowed all of this fear to build up in my head, but not my heart. I have a lot to offer and Im gonna be diligent. I may not know exactly what I want, but I know I love to work...and this is a start.

Tomorrow (or later today), I have a little shoot with a celebrity that will hopefully get published as well. Yes, me and my beat up Rebel XSI are working overtime. I also want to add that my camera makes me insecure too. lol I show up to these events with my beginners camera and this shitty fucking lens and all of these other photographers, and even random bystanders, have better equipment then me! lol a mess! I have to control myself from putting my camera away. But you know what? I gotta start somewhere, right?

Fear is an enemy that I must conquer with hard work and determination.

Here are a few pics that I took in the last few weeks. Some were backstage at the Operations Show for Fashion Week, VMA Gift Suite and a shoot I did with a friend for her book.

I wanted to post something...

...but I just don't feel like talking.

Trusting.

I asked a question on my twitter and received a unanimous answer. The question was "would u trust a person who sleeps with their friends ex boyfriends, dates and boyfriends?" everybody answered "no." I then asked if they could be friends with somebody they can't trust. The answer was also, no. I have to say that I agree.

Custom Shades Rock!!!

With the help of my friend Ellis, I was able to take these pics. These shades make for good pics. I got them from these very talented twins, Coco and Breezy. I met them in SoHo last month and was floored by their funky style and amazing shades. They were literally causing a scene on Broadway. People were slowing down to look at them. Anyhoo, they are very sweet and made these shades for me. You can place orders on their website: cocoandbreezy.com

Dear Aaliyah,

It has been 8 years since you have left and I have made it a point to (try) dedicate a post to you every year. Be it on your birthday or on your passing. Aaliyah, your music inspired me to be as crazy into music as I am today. When you first came out with Age Ain't Nothing But A Number, I loved every single song on it. It was the first time that I realized I could become invested in an artist. When you disappeared between Age Aint Nothing But A Number and One in a Million, I panicked and read every music mag I could in order to find news on you. It was then that I started becoming music business savvy. And in true law of attraction fashion, I attracted many people in my life involved in and around music (or music school lol).

When One in a Million came out, I was floored at how different your music was. Actually, I was a bit confused because it sounded like nothing I had heard before. Sure, there was different music everywhere and I wasn't blind to it...but not in r&b. Not in pop and not in hip hop. Then came my interest in shiny pants from Tommy Hilfiger and my eyewear fetish lol. I even got the Yoji Yamamoto sunglasses you wore in If Your Girl Only Knew. I still have them to this day.

Somewhere between your first 2 albums, I became a dancer (was in a few dance groups and an urban dance company) and used One In A Million in one of my high school productions. The dance group I was in at the time did the song justice and I felt so good for being able to share my talent and love of your music. You released 6 singles from that album, sold 8 million world wide and proved that you were not the one hit wonder people predicted you to be.

By the time your 3rd album, Aaliyah, came out, you starred in Romeo Must Die, won an MTV VMA for Try Again, completed Queen of the Damned and were filming your parts in The Matrix. I was SO happy for you! I not only watched and invested in your growth, but I grew with you. We were the same age and our birthdays are a month apart. We both shared a connection to Sade (and I recently realized that you both share the same bday) and it seemed like the world was finally paying attention to all of your hard work.

However, on Aug 25, 2001, you got on that plane and never made it out alive.

I cried sincere tears for you and myself. I was going thru some young love shit at the time and this was the last thing I needed. But you know, everything happens for a reason and although I would love to have you here for the world to enjoy, you left a lasting impression on music (and me) and I could honestly not ask for anything more. You help put the wheels in motion and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, Aaliyah...you are apart of the soundtrack of my life and nothing can change that.

May you be resting in peace somewhere along with Biggie and Lefteye.

Missing you,

Mike Milan

I Choose.

Thats right, I choose. I choose everything that goes on in my life. The good, the bad...all of it. I think we are all aware that we have chosen the path that we are on..but to fully understand it is something entirely different. I understand it now and I refuse to short change myself. Easier said then done, but I feel like something has snapped in my mind. I only have ONE life and I am living it now. Its so basic, but when I really think about how much I am missing because of my choices, I think about how I need to stop being so scared to lose something I don't even have yet. And really, who gets everything without failing at some point? So I am getting myself to a place where I can just do shit without doubting myself.

Again, easier said then done...but I am so ready for this change.

On another note, my good friend Bory came to visit from Boston. She is the most optimistic person in my life. She breathes a lot of joy into my heart and I always love when she visits. Here are just a few pics from our fun weekend:

Back to Face.

I haven't shaved in 10 months. I only trimmed my beard and shaped it up...but a beard is a beard. Now, here I am with my mustache/goatee. Its a look i have rocked forever and its nice to see that after almost a whole year of something else, I can still go back to the beginning.

FYI, this pic is not photoshopped!

Dumb Date.

I had a shitty date 2nite. I'm going to describe it..but I don't want u to think that its a roast because its not. A guy on facebook asked me out on a dinner date. I was a little surprised because I haven't had that happen before. Honestly, online, people usually ask to hangout or to have sex. Lol I know...but its true.

Anyhoo, I agreed to the date and went in with no expectations. We could be better off as friends, not be compatible at all, be super into each other, decide to skip it all and just fuck or whatever. So we meet up at the time and place that he chose, he asked me if I ate and I said no, we get to the restaurant and he then tells me that he ate before he got here and was too full to eat a meal. He decided he would get a small desert and something to drink.

I felt weird because I didn't want to eat a whole meal while he ate a brownie. He then asked me if I wanted to leave and go to Coffee Shop. I thought he meant an actual coffee shop and not another restaurant named Coffee Shop, across the street. I said yes, and off we went. I was confused at first, but I went along with it. There was no desert menu (cuz they prolly show it to u after the meal) but he knew the menu and ordered a brownie and iced tea...you know what I ordered? Water. That's what I fucking ordered. "And what will u have?" "I'll have water. Thanks."

It was all downhill after that. I could not hide my disappointment, my face never lies. You know..I just don't get how u can set something like this up and show up with a full belly.

Ok, lets say that he lied. Maybe there was some other reason that he didn't want to share. He should have canceled. As a grown man, when u make plans to go out on a date, u should take accountability and try to make things right when they go wrong. There was no damage control. Just my water and his brownie.

In his defense, he seemed like a really nice guy and he really tried to get to know me and was asking lots of questions. He really tried to keep the convo going. But, I was hungry and annoyed...so it was a wrap.

We obviously won't be going on another date...ever. But I wish him the best of luck.

****ONE MORE THING****

I almost forgot about this part. While we were sitting at The Coffee House, he was trying to keep the convo going and actually said "Tell me about your last ex.." I thought it was so absurd....that I blocked it out. Who the fuck brings up failed relationships and ex's on a FIRST date?? a.mess.

Dummy.

This and That.

Lately, I have been thinking about...dating. (in my head) I have been kind of anti dating for close to a year now. Or maybe more. But...I thought of my last relationship and realized that I can't let that be the last relationship I ever have. I can't let that be the last time I fall in love. I don't want to take anything away from it or make it seem as if my last ex wasn't worthy, but I have so much love to give and I am sure that somebody out there deserves to have a good man. As do I.

I am not desperate nor am I going to do any searching...Im just letting myself know that I am finally open to the possibility. See, I mentioned here earlier this year that I believe I may never fall in love again and that I am ok with it. But once I thought about my relationship resume, I had a change of heart. lol

In that last relationship, I gave everything that I had but it didn't work. I am and always have been ok with it and have always known it was a great contribution to me as a person. All failed relationships have made me better for the next . Although my ex's will always have a place in my heart... there has to be more. And there will be...I know it. At first I believed that I would just move right along..but somehow I just got comfortable with the idea of being happily single forever. But that may come from the fact that my last relationship put me thru a lot.

Unknowingly, I shut down a little and my heart may have become a little lazy. However, I refuse to become a victim of love and war. I am too strong for that. My view of self worth is sometimes skewed because I forget that every aspect of my life counts. I deserve to give and receive love again.

Its just gonna happen when it happens.

I like that Freak Shit.

I like to party in different places with very different people. And no, these are not Halloween pics! ;)

Site Updates Coming Soon...

Its been a few years and I think I may finally give this blog its own address. I also need to change the banner. I want it to represent what I look like now (which changes often) and my surroundings. As far as the overall appearance of the site, I am most likely going to keep it the same. The meat and potatoes of this blog is the entries. So I dont need to go overboard with how it looks. The formula works and I am going to keep it that way.

As of now, life is taking place and I am very thankful for many things.

=)

Damn, Im tired!

Really, I am. I have been having symptoms of chronic fatigue for just about 2 weeks now. It started with the flu and now its this random tired shit. I look fine and I dont show it, but sometimes when Im out or working...I am DEAD on the inside. Seriously. Like Im a strong breeze away from being knocked over. My body wants to just lay out and do nothing. Lately, my head has been throbbing and at one point last week I felt my face got numb for a few seconds.

So yes, I am going to finally make an appointment with a doctor on Monday.

Now give me some monies. lol jkk

Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I am still in good spirits. =)

Yup.

Recently, I cut ties with a friend I have had for almost 8 years. It has been a long time coming and it feels great. This person has used me for every resource possible in the last few years. I am a bit angry but not as much as I thought I would be. I got by on the last few years of our friendship on the idea of "taking somebody for who they are." However, it got old and was harmful to me.

My feelings on this person is that he is a user. A user in every sense of the word. He gets into your good graces with his infectious personality and intelligent conversations, but when you take a closer look, its all a facade. What lies behind that fun attitude and intelligence is a person that will USE you for ALL that you have and leave you with nothing left. He wont even say thank you. Trust me, I know from seeing him use other people and even using me. I have a lot to say on this subject, but we unfortunately share some acquaintances and I have said enough.

I don't want to look petty.

FYI I don't cut friends off because of Twitter. Like a broken marriage, some friendships have you drinking the milk long after it has soured.

For Who I Am.

Sometimes saying the "wrong" things isn't such a bad thing. Therefore I don't mask who I am because I like myself too much. I have been meeting a lot of different people in NYC and I have finally come up on the "I dont do gay things" gay guys. I can respect that. Its a preference and I have my own so I am not going to dismiss people over it. However, that is just me and a lot people can be close minded. And you know what? Im ok with that too. Because the core of who you are shouldn't be the places you like to party. So if you are willing to ignore who I really am because I like to dance next to Drag Monsters, Trannies and Bears...its all good. No love loss, I promise. I may be too free spirited for you to handle.

However, if you asked me to describe myself, I wouldn't include my favorite club night in that description. I would tell you that I am obsessed with music, love to dance and that I talk too much. Anybody that knows me well, will tell you that is a very accurate description of me. I mean, there are other things to add as well, but again, a club would not make it into that description.

All the other qualities are there for you to find out. I am somewhat hesitant to say things like "im a good friend, trust worthy and dependable.." because those are common lies. I would rather just show and prove. I have nothing to hide. I mean, look at this blog! lol

I am writing this because I feel like I have been unfairly judged in the last few weeks. I don't have a problem with being judged, but if you are going to do it..do it right! damn. lol

FYI do not let my soft demeanor lead you to believe "other" things about me. ;)

Tameka Raymond Update

As some of you may have read, I had a Twitter battle with Tameka Raymond. I said some pretty harsh things (as I am naturally a smart mouthed individual) and Tameka has seen it all. I know this because she reached out to me. She was extremely nice and wanted to know if we have met and why would I say such shady things about her. I really respect a person that can approach me about some of the things I have to say about them. I am not a coward about the things that I say and am fully ok with admitting to being wrong or rude. Its all good. I take complete ownership of the words, actions and energies that I put out.

With all of that being said, during our very polite conversation, I apologized to Mrs Raymond because I never said any of those things to directly offend her. In the grand scheme of things, I am nothing in that woman's life. She is blessed to have the kind of life that she has, and although I am still a bit thrown off as to why my comments would have any affect on her, she is still human and I don't get any joy from personally offending somebody that I do not know. I am not the Perez Hilton type that builds a career out of tearing people down. There is no money involved here and nothing to gain from allowing my words to negatively impact somebody else's life.

I am still going to leave my previous post up because this blog is my diary. I personally go over the things that I type to see where I have come from and where I am now. I will however, add a link to this entry so if anybody stumbles upon it, they will know where Tameka and I stand. We're now Twitter friends and I have a newfound respect for her. 

Thank you Mrs Raymond, for clearing some things up and for being a lady.

Feel free to follow us on Twitter:

 twitter.com/TamekaRaymond & twitter.com/MikeMilan215 

Bubble Tweeting and stuff.

Bubble Tweet Vid of me singing a Keri Hilson joint.

Be nice! lol

Also, here a few pics from this weekend. My friend Erin, from Boston, came to visit me. She is pure awesomeness. Here are pics on my stoop. I was soooo tired. Look at how small my eyes are in these pics!! Well..they are not that much smaller then usual..but u know. lol

 

 

@ The F*Word. Saturday nights at Santos.