For Who I Am.

Sometimes saying the "wrong" things isn't such a bad thing. Therefore I don't mask who I am because I like myself too much. I have been meeting a lot of different people in NYC and I have finally come up on the "I dont do gay things" gay guys. I can respect that. Its a preference and I have my own so I am not going to dismiss people over it. However, that is just me and a lot people can be close minded. And you know what? Im ok with that too. Because the core of who you are shouldn't be the places you like to party. So if you are willing to ignore who I really am because I like to dance next to Drag Monsters, Trannies and Bears...its all good. No love loss, I promise. I may be too free spirited for you to handle.

However, if you asked me to describe myself, I wouldn't include my favorite club night in that description. I would tell you that I am obsessed with music, love to dance and that I talk too much. Anybody that knows me well, will tell you that is a very accurate description of me. I mean, there are other things to add as well, but again, a club would not make it into that description.

All the other qualities are there for you to find out. I am somewhat hesitant to say things like "im a good friend, trust worthy and dependable.." because those are common lies. I would rather just show and prove. I have nothing to hide. I mean, look at this blog! lol

I am writing this because I feel like I have been unfairly judged in the last few weeks. I don't have a problem with being judged, but if you are going to do it..do it right! damn. lol

FYI do not let my soft demeanor lead you to believe "other" things about me. ;)

Tameka Raymond Update

As some of you may have read, I had a Twitter battle with Tameka Raymond. I said some pretty harsh things (as I am naturally a smart mouthed individual) and Tameka has seen it all. I know this because she reached out to me. She was extremely nice and wanted to know if we have met and why would I say such shady things about her. I really respect a person that can approach me about some of the things I have to say about them. I am not a coward about the things that I say and am fully ok with admitting to being wrong or rude. Its all good. I take complete ownership of the words, actions and energies that I put out.

With all of that being said, during our very polite conversation, I apologized to Mrs Raymond because I never said any of those things to directly offend her. In the grand scheme of things, I am nothing in that woman's life. She is blessed to have the kind of life that she has, and although I am still a bit thrown off as to why my comments would have any affect on her, she is still human and I don't get any joy from personally offending somebody that I do not know. I am not the Perez Hilton type that builds a career out of tearing people down. There is no money involved here and nothing to gain from allowing my words to negatively impact somebody else's life.

I am still going to leave my previous post up because this blog is my diary. I personally go over the things that I type to see where I have come from and where I am now. I will however, add a link to this entry so if anybody stumbles upon it, they will know where Tameka and I stand. We're now Twitter friends and I have a newfound respect for her. 

Thank you Mrs Raymond, for clearing some things up and for being a lady.

Feel free to follow us on Twitter:

 twitter.com/TamekaRaymond & twitter.com/MikeMilan215 

Bubble Tweeting and stuff.

Bubble Tweet Vid of me singing a Keri Hilson joint.

Be nice! lol

Also, here a few pics from this weekend. My friend Erin, from Boston, came to visit me. She is pure awesomeness. Here are pics on my stoop. I was soooo tired. Look at how small my eyes are in these pics!! Well..they are not that much smaller then usual..but u know. lol

 

 

@ The F*Word. Saturday nights at Santos.

This Face.

This is the face of a very drunk person.

Boooo

Today, I realized that I have been keeping a lot of my life private away from my friends. Not intentionally, but I have so much going on right now that I would rather not talk about it. I have never been so stressed in my life and I don't feel the need to express it to anybody or even ask for help. Unfortunately, I don't have the kind of friends that can help me in the situations that I am in. Its all good, I know if they could help they would. Well, at least one of them would.

I think the pressure is making me a more irritable person. I think about how I have been such a good friend to some, and how I seldom get what I put out, in return. Now, before I sound like a whining baby, I am nice because that is how I am...not because I expect it in return. I don't give selfishly. However, damn!! lol It would still be nice to have what I've given out! lol I mean, u have to admit it...most of us treat people the way we want to be treated. I am not waiting for that day and never will. But when you are down and out and trying to get your hustle on, it pops into your mind, "I wish somebody would do for me what I did for them..."

Then reality hits. Thats right....I may actually care too much. So then I end up feeling like an asshole because I don't want to be a cold person by caring less. All of this pressure seems to push these negative feelings to the surface. I hate that. Thank goodness I am aware of this funky attitude I have. It makes it easier to keep it in check.

Anyhoo, I am being challenged and I am stepping up to the plate.

Fuck off. lol ;)

I still get my party on though!

Ready for Contact?

I think I am getting to the point where I am not only wanting to live a normal/employed life, so much, that I am starting to want to date...but like real dating. Not the "dinner and a fuck type" of stuff I have been doing. Don't get me wrong..I like "dinner and a fuck" nights, but I am only doing that because I am not in the position to date anybody. I try not to date when my life isn't together. Its only fair. Who wants to date a mess? 

I see people do it all the time and its so tragic. I would much rather die alone before I allow myself to date an uphill battle. The only time you should struggle with somebody you are with is when you not only love them, but when there is time invested in this person/relationship. New people just don't have the room to be difficult. At least not for me. If you are difficult from jump, I do not want to see what you will be like later. Fuck good qualities...do right by me! lol for real. Sorry, I had to get hood to get my point across.

I need to start sleeping normally again. Let us all cross our fingers for this coming week. There could be some serious changes for me. ;)

In the Mood.

I was in a picture taking mood today. I got some good news today from 2 different places and I felt well rested. It was also raining fiercely and I was a bit antsy. So I pulled out my new camera and took advantage of the brief moment of sun spilling thru an empty room in my apt. These are the results:

I have been a little dry in the picture taking department. Maybe its the weather, but I feel ready to pick up the camera again. And as usual, I always use myself to set it off. However, I am ready to beat the streets with different people. Lets get it!!!

Veiled Siren Speaks.

This is a post to highlight my Texas Ace Boon Koon! We met on myspace a few years ago after I could not stop reading her blogs. The woman is not only very smart, but naturally funny. Her blog is very similar to mine. There is no gimmick here..its all her and all real. It doesn't come off as being attention seeking. It feels more like a person keeping you updated with the random things only a good friend would provide you with. Although its been a few years, we haven't met face to face yet. I thought I had the opportunity once, but a ticket that was offered to me turned out to be non transferable. Boo to that. In due time, Tiff!

Anyhoo, check it out and enjoy: Diary of a Moonchild

This is one of my fav entries: Old Time Sake

Her link has also been added to my Favorite Links.

Good days do exist.

Awhile back, I mentioned that I may have some pictures in Nylon Magazine, for my friend Ryan's new salon. Well, it happened! I am very satisfied with my work being that I am not good at taking pictures of anything but people. I was asked to take pictures of the inside and outside of the salon. Its actually a small space and the bathroom shot was almost impossible because of how narrow it is. But, it worked and they used it. 

Yesterday, I was walking near Union Square with a friend while he was on his lunch break, when I got a text from a stylist friend of mine. She mentioned that she saw Ryan's salon in Nylon Magazine with Lindsay Lohan on the cover. I knew it was coming out soon, but I still forgot. So I was very excited to hear this news while I was in the city and surrounded by places that sold magazines. My ADD got the best of me while I was in a store looking thru the magazine, so I decided to walk over to the salon since I was so close to it. Sure enough, as I approached the door, the magazine cover and the clipping from the inside, were on display in the window.

Ryan gave me a copy since he had a few laying around. It was really weird seeing something that I did in a magazine like Nylon. I understand that it was a very small piece and nothing that was even hard to do, but its mine and it was a big piece of my day. And it was a good day. The weather was nice, I got to see and hang out with important people in my life, I wished my mom a Happy Birthday and I even scored an interview for this coming Tuesday. Im hoping for the best and I am hanging in there. =) 

^^^My work is in the top RIGHT. Click it!!

I actually get my hair done by Mr. Darius.  Before I moved here, a Japanese hairstylist by the name of Yoshie Tanaka, was doing a fabulous job.  I thought it was going to be hard to find another stylist but Ryan stepped in and has really done some justice to these locks. Everybody knows that I don't always do normal hairstyles and I am always switching it up. He doesn't just give me a haircut...he creates! Seriously. Its one thing to go a with hairstylist that can do good hair, but when they can create a whole new look for you..thats a real winner. 

Ryan and I met in Boston and have known each other for more then 5 years now. I have to say that it is great to see another person from where I come from, be so successful in a place like NYC. This is just the beginning for him. He will be doing bigger things in the future. So remember I knew him first! lol jk 

Please feel free to visit his website at ryandariussalon.com, to get more info on this fantastic salon.

His website has been added to my Favorite Links for future reference.

I am on Twitter.

http://twitter.com/MikeMilan215

Check me out. I obviously talk too much, so here is just another way to keep yapping.

Follow me! lol ;)

Being Social

 

 

Britney Spears Concert

I went to see Britney Spears on the whim. Yes, on the whim! I was very lucky to receive a call from a friend who happened to have an extra ticket just hours away from show time. It was a well put together show and Britney looked AMAZING in person. We had some pretty good seats and we even walked over by the VIP section. Her smile is electrifying and contagious. 

She lipped about 99% of the show. She sang the first verse of Circus and sang a long with the track for Everytime. I already knew that was going to happen so I wasn't disappointed but...there needs to be a better way to make it look realistic. They used the same vocals from the original recordings. Even for Baby, One More Time. I believe she was like 15 when she recorded that song. lol They need to have her rerecord some of the songs in a way that would make u believe that she is possibly singing or trying. It just seemed a little silly to me.

Also, she clearly is not as good as a dancer as she used to be. That could be a few things tho. It can be low confidence, her past knee injuries/surgeries, she may need to get her mojo back or she may not give a fuck. Who knows..but it was still a good show. The songs were ALL winners and people were having a great time.

Im not going to get super detailed because she has been reviewed a million times already.

Thanks, Benny. ;)

Like an Iceberg

That is what we all are.  The tip is what we see, but there is a huge base under all of that water. I somehow have been avoiding getting wet by staying above the water. How unrealistic and cowardly of me to ignore all of the things that have allowed me to float. I always talk about baby steps, but I haven't taken any steps in months. Everything has just stopped but I have been hiding behind any and everything possible. 

None of this has been intentional...I would never intentionally hurt myself. I love to live and I love myself. But taking a step back from it all, I can see a pattern that I would easily point out in somebody else.  

I have no idea what I want right now, but all of this confusion, laziness, denial and hiding is going to end up pushing me in the right direction. In my life, pain has always created beauty.

Thru all of this, I am still optimistic. 

Dear Mike,

How are you? We haven't spoken in quite sometime. I kinda feel a little left out here. Is there a way I can see you soon? Im a little worried about whats going on with you. What have you been up to lately? Don't lie...you're only THIS skinny when you aren't doing shit. 

How about we get together like old times? You know...like how we used to be before May of 2008?!!  We work very well together and I know you have to be miserable (and crazy) by now. Let's get your priorities in check, boo. 

It's time for a comeback.

You're not getting any younger.

Best,

Your Brain. 

:D

Dear John Doe

Hey, how are you?

First and foremost, I would like you to know that you got over me because I got over you first. You may or may not have noticed that part, but of course, every effect has its cause.

In the (recent) past, you have been a person that I have spoken very highly of and I even depended on your insight on personal matters. It sucks that things have changed, I really expected you to be a lifetime friend. But you and I are far too different and I sense something desperate and fake about your actions.  You are also blatantly selfish and it has worn very thin. You have become somebody to put up with and not somebody to enjoy. 

How did this happen?

I think maybe you either changed or became extra comfortable with me. Don't worry, I value friendships that are old, new and done. Your secrets are safe with me and I won't bad mouth or try to black list. I believe in karma and you will get everything that you deserve, good and bad. So will I. We all get what we put out there.

Don't fool yourself tho, if you give selfishly, you may not receive what you believe you have put out.

Sweetheart, clothes do not make the man. Stop judging so hard when you aren't even a real person yet. I would hope that moving to this city would spare me the unflattering social change you have gone thru, but I was already a real person before I moved here...so I don't have to worry about that. Don't forget to stay humble. Nice people are kool too.

PS, I didn't need you in Boston, and I don't need you here. 

Just to clarify this Post, this letter is not for any ONE person, but for several. lol

These are people who aren't important enough for me to actually say this to. I don't want to salvage anything that I do not want. 

Oh, and fuck you too.

;)

30 Y.O.

I turned 30 on feb 15th and I thru a party at HK Lounge that went very well.

Here are just a few pics:

I had way more people show up then I thought and it was a good time had by all.

People keep asking me what it feels like to be 30 and I do not have an answer yet. What I will say is that I am going to start cleaning house again. Not sure what that means yet, but I feel like I have a lot of debris left on my shoulders.

I'll figure it out.

In the meantime, big ups to everybody around me who has been genuine. The older I get, the more I see how hard it is to keep friends. I am very blessed to have some of these people around me and hopefully they feel the same way about me.

NOTE TO SELF: Let go of the people who have no interest in you anymore. The past may have been great or influential, but there is no need to drink from milk that has soured.

Cheers.

Blind Item

What recently relocated black studio fix youtube "star," is running around the city feeling a bit too entitled and spending too much time in the "bathroom?"

Not only that, but in person, he looks a little older then he says he is. They say good black don't crack...he's cracking!

Ttyl, Love Muffin.

Feeling like...

..I want you more.

There are certain people that I am attracted to, but once I feel they want me back, I get all weird.

I don't know you well, but I am already not impressed, you mess. 

Your happiness is contagious and I am proud of you. I don't know your complete past, but I know enough to understand it and to be happy for you. You are a great example for many.

You have my attention and I don't know what to do with myself. I almost feel like my heart wants to open up...but for your eyes only.

Grow up.

You are one of the most beautiful men I have ever had the pleasure of putting my lips on.  

Can I put it in you already?

NYC is full of "users." 

My Heart to Yours.

I have a friend going thru a similar situation that I went thru with my last ex and I realize that seeing people hurt like that, is a weakness of mine. I hate to see people go thru that kind of pain. It is so consuming and it makes me want to give them a hug and listen. lol What worked for me, was doing everything I needed to do, 10x better and writing in this blog. I did go out more and started drinking, but whatever..i was 27! It was time! lol

So yes, to anybody out there going thru a shitty fucking breakup, the kind that turns your world upside down and strips you of your self worth/confidence, just remember that all of this mess should make you stronger, smarter and a better man/woman for you and the next person you are with. Everything that hurts you needs to be turned around and used as a strength because you cannot allow yourself to give up or fall victim to the same situation again. Rebounds are cool, but like drinking and partying, it is only a distraction and you need to fully get over the breakup with a clear and sound mind. It takes awhile and it is not easy, but again, serial dating and distracting yourself with booze and partying will only prolong the pain. I speak from personal experience.

This blog is my proof that a broken heart can make you a better person if you put yourself first and take care of your business. You know, I have grown a lot as a person and this blog may not have everything, but it does show some of my failures, triumphs and a good portion of my overall growth. I am very proud of myself at this moment in my life and I attribute a lot of it to the failure of my relationship and the drive it gave me to survive. So yes, to many of us heartbreak is one of the hardest things to survive, but it teaches you how to succeed by surviving.

So, my love, go thru the hurting now, because you will be so much better off in the future.

I believe in you.

;)

Because I needed a good douche for the New Year.

Let's see, how do I make this as short as possible? A former acquaintance sent me a friends request on facebook. We were "freinds" on myspace until he deleted me. He lives in NYC and sent me a msg on myspace asking me how my move was. When I read the msg, I had a guest over from Boston and was too busy to reply. However, I did show my guest his page and we were complimenting his pictures (oh, the irony that follows). They were really nice and he's handsome. So, when my guest left, I wrote him a very detailed reply, only to realize that I couldn't send him a msg. When I hit the send button I got an immediate reply telling me that only people on his friends list could send him messages. Sure enough, I was no longer on it.

I decided to send him a message on AIM, but he didn't reply. So, I just let it go. He was never a friend, just somebody I chatted with online and a few times over the phone. Its all good, no harm done. This happened in October. So...when I got his req on facebook, I sent him a msg about it. This is our convo:


Me
January 15 at 11:08am
..didnt u delete me from your myspace friends list?


Douche
Add as Friend
January 15 at 11:16am
Report Message
this automatically sent to folk in my address book. you were still there.


Me
January 15 at 11:20am
ah ok. I guess now is a good time to clean it up.


Douche
Add as Friend
January 15 at 11:32am
Report Message
true

Ok, although this is not and never was an important person, it still blew me away. How can a grown ass man, well into his 30's, be such a fucking cunt? lol Seriously dude, what is your problem and why do you think people have to drop everything they are doing so they can reply to a message on myspace? If it were that much of a concern to you, you should have called or sent me a text. AND because he probably had some kind of small remorse or regret for deleting me so fast, he sent me a msg on some "other site" and asked me how my move was...again. I told him it went well and the convo stopped after that. So yeah, that request was not an accident. One look at his page and you can see he is not new to facebook.

You ever go to somebody's page and it has all of these words of wisdom type shit and these cliche fucking proverbs? He is one of those people. So, you think you are about to chat with a well rounded individual but instead you are talking to self centered super toddler with a chip on his shoulder.

So yeah, fuck you and your nasty self entitled attitude. You just did me a huge favor.

;)