When you want to party...

...these people are essential! In 2006, when I went thru all of my life changes (its all been blogged! lol), these people helped me get my mind right. Nothing deep, we just partied and shared some really great times. I really love them for that year and I had to get them in one shoot. Not just for the practice, but for the memory.

I still have A LOT of shit to learn about studio lighting (and everything else), but I am determined.

;)

Gorgeous!

I have a lot of good shots of this model. Her name is Kaelyn, she was so easy to work with and the camera LOVED her. We used an enormous soft box. It was hand made and was about 8 feet tall and 8 feet wide! You could stand in front of the soft box and the light would be unaffected. Its like it would cut right thru you.

One thing that I noticed about this shoot, is that I REALLY need a new lense and I have to start doing a white balance before I shoot. I say that because the pictures are properly lit, but they look kind of flat.Something is missing in these pics...the vibrance is lost somewhere.

Anyhoo, I think that I have been doing a swell job considering my bum lense. lol

So I give myself a pat on the back!

It's Starting

I'm starting to get scared. lol

This move is coming real quick and other then the desire and drive, I don't have a place to live or to work. Technically, it still is a little soon to find either of the two for October. But still, September is coming and that is when everything is going to have to get done. I can start to feel how "to the wire" everything is going to be.

I also have a list of people I need to spend time with before I leave. So much to do...

See.

This is why I have given up dating in boston:

(This is an Instant Message convo that I had with somebody that I barely know.)

a (11:36:58 PM): mikey wen can I egt my beso?
g0mikey (11:37:15 PM): i have no idea
a (11:39:05 PM): well pencil me in
g0mikey (11:39:15 PM): lol
g0mikey (11:39:22 PM): i dont do dates anymore
a (11:39:45 PM): fo real
a (11:39:51 PM): lol
g0mikey (11:39:52 PM): not in boston
g0mikey (11:39:58 PM): i went on my last one yesterday
a (11:41:14 PM): oh damn he got u
g0mikey (11:41:23 PM): was a total asshole
g0mikey (11:41:31 PM): i been having bad dates all summer
g0mikey (11:41:33 PM): so im thru
a (11:41:38 PM): fo real
a (11:41:50 PM): nah u didn't give me a chance
g0mikey (11:41:56 PM): I can't
g0mikey (11:41:57 PM): sorry
g0mikey (11:42:06 PM): im done with summer dating in boston
a (11:42:11 PM): das wassup
g0mikey (11:42:13 PM): im gonna wait till i move to do that again
g0mikey (11:42:19 PM): nothing personal
a (11:42:29 PM): its cute u was no1 anyways
g0mikey (11:42:44 PM): um..it wasnt personal
g0mikey (11:42:55 PM): but clearly, u just made it that way.

Now this myspace mesage is from somebody who has been asking for XXX pics and just being too much and just nasty. We live close to each other and he may have forgotten..but when we first started chatting a few months ago..he wanted to meet. So u put his desire to meet along with his desire to see XXX pics of me, and to know about certain areas of my body, and guess what the fuck I am going to think? Ok....read on:

Original Message -----------------From: LAME Date: Aug 19, 2008 12:28 AM
How come you never talk to me?

Original Message -----------------From: Go Mikey Milan!Date: Aug 19, 2008 12:30 AM
because im not into u.

Original Message -----------------From: LAME Date: Aug 19, 2008 12:42 AM
I was never looking to hook up dude...Besides you arn't even my type...Though your bod hair and ass are hot...thats all

See, you can't even reject somebody without them going on the offense.

PS, he has never seen my arse, so I have no idea why he thinks its "hot." gross.

I am so done. lol

Mirror, Mirror...

"when I dont have the strength, im just a mirror of what I see.."

That line has always struck a chord with me, Its from the Isley Brothers cover of At Your Best, sung by Aaliyah. Right now, I am feeling like that with where I live and who I surround myself with. I have a lot of mixed emotions about leaving this city, but one thing is for sure, I am allowed to feel good about being here now because I know I may not be here in another month and a half. That's it. If there wasn't a plan and I was just resigned to living here, I would be a different person. Probably unhappy and bitchy. lol

I walk around this neighborhood and I look at my dog, beautiful surroundings, nice neighbors and realize that no matter how tired I am of this lifestyle, it has been good to me and I am really going to miss it with all my heart, but change is the best remedy for complacency.

As far as people are concerned, I don't have it in me to give extra, I can't pull teeth and I can't make myself care for recklessness anymore. I have been disregarded and disrespected a few times this summer and I will say that it stung at first, but it no longer does. I now meet disregard and disrespect with a firm handshake because its easy to throw the trash out. Harsh, I know, but at this point, I can't do what I am trying to do AND figure other people out. Sorry, not gonna happen.

Wanna pull my ears? ha! Thats a dirty joke...I hope somebody gets it.

Studio Time

So I have been saying that I am going to get into the studio and figure out how to use all the equipment bla bla bla. Well, I did..sorta. I went into the studio and figured I would just use myself as the subject...to save myself the embarassment of looking like a damn fool in front of a model. Yes..! I am paranoid like that!

Anyhoo, it was some parts easy, most parts hard. If you have a keen eye, or are a photographer with studio lighting knowledge, you will see the simple flaws in my pics. Its all good tho. I will get there..I am determined. However, I cannot do this using myself as the subject again. It was quite painful being everything in this shoot.

Here are a few of the shots I took:










Snap for the kids! lol






;)

-Sigh-

So far this summer, I have gone out on a few dates with a few different people. I have had multiple dates with some but they all end up the same: they lose interest in me. Yes, its true, I am human. lol

I do not understand why that happens, I am genuinely nice and honest. I am sure it is something I am doing but I really have no idea. So, I am not going to dwell on it...but it is something that I need to be aware of if I ever want to be of interest to anybody.

And please, don't give me that "how could somebody like you have trouble dating?!" Its so fucking agravating. EVerytime I hear that I seriously want to slap that person to sleep. Ugh

Anyhoo, I havent shaved in over 2 weeks because I want to do this self photo shoot with a full face of hair. It looks really crazy. I cant wait to get this over with already.

Boooo

Lady GaGa

What I thought was another dance song from just another hungry plastic white girl turned out to be a lot more. "Just Dance," from Lady GaGa is a good song but also a good front for a hardcore NYC artist who has the kind of street cred that we haven't seen since possibly the 80's. After reading her bio, I cannot wait to see what else she hasin store. Here is a performance piece from her page:



http://ladygaga.com/news/

Don't just take my word for it, read up on her. I gaurantee you will feel refreshed.

Links

So I decided to add links to my page. Well, I didn't just decide, I just didn't know how to do it until now! Anyhoo, if you have a link to my page on your page, let me know and I will gladly add yours.

-Mikey-

Obsession.

"fIa [10:08 P.M.]: for some reason some of his pictures reminds me of you http://fsagat.blogspot.com/
G0Mikey [10:20 P.M.]: really??
G0Mikey [10:20 P.M.]: why?
fIa [10:20 P.M.]: some of his poses reminds of you
G0Mikey [10:21 P.M.]: ugh...i LOVE him
G0Mikey [10:21 P.M.]: he is my obsession!"

I am obsessed with this man. I blame this on my trip to Atlanta. The friend that I stayed with introduced me to this Francois Sagat via a hot calendar. Ever since then, I have been so intrigued by him. Not just because of his beauty, but because he is an artist. Without words, this man creates gorgeous pieces of art with nothing but his skin and raw sexual power. You have to see it to understand what I am talking about. He also is a porn star..but I have yet to see any of his porns.

Check out his blog, but be warned, this is NOT suitable for work!!!!



http://fsagat.blogspot.com/

Check Him Out!

This is somebody that has graced my blog in pictures and mentions, throughout the years and I love him dearly! This is my TLC (T-Boz, Lefteye, Chilli!) singing partner and club hopping buddy. He introduced me to Long Island Ice Tea's, Midori Sours, Tequila shots and all types of drunk carrying on. He is one of Boston's Gay Scene's finest socialites (u know the person that even knows the people u dont like..lol) and one of the nicest guys you will ever meet. Seriously. Always smiling and always fun to talk to.

He has a blog that is dedicated to his fitness goals and asked that I share his link. I was a little shocked because I didn't think he was really into blogging. But its great and I support him.

His name is Johnny, aka JK aka Mister JonKat aka MisterJonKat aka Ki Ki.

Go to his blog, see what its about, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

http://misterjk.blogspot.com/

or you can visit his youtube page: http://www.youtube.com/user/MisterJonKat

Enjoy!

Low Key

This week was the first and only week we got to work with a male model. As you can see, it was easy to work with this model, as he has very conventional good looks. AKA, hot! lol

I think I overheard him saying he was 20...yikes! Either way, at that age, if he takes modeling serious, it can definitely open many doors for him. He seems sweet as he is handsome. So yeah, here it is...my first official "Low Key" setting in my photography class.

I need to up my game with the studio access. I know I keep saying that I am going to get in, but something always comes up. This week I will try my hardest to get in there and take some shots of myself. That way I can kill 2 birds with 1 stone: I can have some amazing pics of myself! LOL AND most importantly, I will be able to know what I am doing when I finally shoot somebody on my own without the help of a teacher.

Guess who is skinnier then you?

;)

@ Roxy

My friend Johnny (my immediate right) and I, chillin at Roxy next to some people we were probably talking about (or not). Funny how life works.

I could be wrong, maybe we know them..or Johnny knows them since he is quite the socialite. But either way..we were tore up in front of the ladies bathroom (u can kind of see the ladies sign by my head) talking about everybody that walked by.

PS, I hate full frontal pics!

lol

High Key

So I did my first high key shoot. The model was very easy to work with and we actually are former coworkers. Small world.

I am going to try and get into the studio this week before class. I am determined to learn this shit and get as many shoots as I can before September.

Just a little much.

Right now, I am in a somewhat suspended state. I still am unemployed and very bored. However, I feel like it is too late to find a job. Why? Because I really do plan to move to NYC in October and starting a new job now would serve no purpose other then getting a little more money for the next 2 months. My money situation right now is pretty good and I don't need a job for money purposes (for now).

My photography class is going well, but the lighting and studio work is a little more complicated then I thought. So I don't want to rush into the studio and break something. After this week, I should hopefully be able to go into the studios on my own. Until then, I have the nothing to do but go to the gym. My body is coming a long pretty decent..I am getting even more lean then before and I have been told a few times that my arms look good. But shit! I am skinny!

So yeah, I believe that I am on the right track, but I am still kind of waiting for things to come along. I think its just the long days and weeks of nothing. I really have nothing to do and nobody to hang out with most of the time. My roommate, who is one of my best friends, is pretty much the only person I can hang out and party with..but even that has its setbacks...ugh..I will not elaborate. But other then the setbacks, I sometimes feel like a burden and needy. I just have so much time on my hands...I feel like I am wasting it but I don't know what else I can do. It can be overwhelming sometimes because I truly like to be busy and working alongside my peers.

I keep telling myself that this is temporary and that I will get back to normal. This, for me, is not normal. It will be a fine fucking day when I have a job and am not stuck in limbo.

One of the best things about losing my job, was that I am losing the fear and anxiety of this move. I had so much going on for me. A good job with amazing promotions and bonuses, a lot of respect, I was very important and always a favorite no matter what department I worked for and according to one of my reviews, people loved to be around me (I am personable!)...I would think about moving and would think about all of those things I would have to leave behind and I admit it, I would be so scared that I would work harder.

But its gone now..it was taken away from me and no matter how much harder I could have worked..it wouldn't have mattered. It is what it is and I am not mad at what happened. One thing is for sure..I am not scared anymore. I just want it to happen already.

I cant do this city anymore..I cant. I love it..I do, but I don't belong here anymore. I don't know how to explain it, but it just doesn't feel right to be here. Ugh..ok..I will stop the bitching. Clearly..I have enough time for it.

I went out on a date on Tuesday and it went well. I usually do not mess around on the first date, but on this date I did. I felt a little tacky, but whatever. Hopefully we will reach another date, but I wont hold my breath..this is Boston.

Boo bitch bye!

Yes, It's True!

So I have been intercourse free since November of '07, and I think I am going to implode. lol I haven't had sex on a regular basis for quite a few years. Even in my last relationship, I seemed to never get any. So, I do not know what my real sex drive is like because I am too picky to have it with just anybody. I have come close a few times this year, but no cigar.

I was talking to somebody for a couple of weeks, but as soon as I was realizing we weren't a good match, he cut me off. So, even though I was having some doubts, him cutting me off made me want him more. You know, cuz you always want what you cant have. I don't think we had any sexual energy. Sux, he is smart and very sexy. I also think he didn't want to introduce me to any of his friends. Just a feeling.

About 2 weeks ago, I ended up hooking up with 1 half of a couple. I know...scandalous but they had been hounding me for months. I am not one for threesomes as I have had 2 of them and they were both wack. I had told them a few times that I would have to pass because I only found one of them to be attractive. I guess after some reasoning, the hot one was allowed to come over and "play." Ok, honestly, that was the most sexual chemistry I have had since I hooked up with that hot flight attendant from London (i never posted that). BTW, the flight attendant from London was the best sex I have EVER had.

Anyhoo, me and the Hot Guy didn't have intercourse because we had spent so much time doing everything else, that he had to go home and cook dinner for his boyfriend. I was kool with it because it satisfied my appetite for the moment. We were dripping with sweat, chest to chest, slipping and kissing like we were hungry. It was full of heavy breaths and grunts from the pleasure and pain from biting each other. It was almost too much..I felt a little savage. It was one of those moments that if he were to slap me, I would have been even more turned on. lol

We spoke for a bit before and after and he said that him and his BF have an open relationship. Their rules were to not do something with somebody who wasn't approved of, never to do anything without telling the other partner first, and to never have any sleepovers. This kind of goes a long with my previous blog "Porn and Open Relationships."

But still...its like dinner without the main course. Like a diet that has gone on too fucking long! Ugh.!

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

I kid, I kid!!

Class Assignment

This was the model that was sent to us by an agency for a class assignment. In person, she is prettier and she glows. However, she does not have your typical model looks. She has unconventional beauty, and that is hard to capture. I admit that I did not try hard to get good shots because I was more concerned with the technical portion of it. I just took my pics to get it out of the way.

Porn and Open Relationships

So I have decided to look into working in the Porn Industry. Not as a porn star, but as a photographer. I have always admired that lifestyle and have been closely linked to it. If you don't remember, in the past I have been showcased in 2 porn sites. No, I will not repost! lol I also know some key people in the industry and I have a genuine interest in it. Its exciting, its still art and it is a very lucrative industry. Why not?

So, I am going to start poking around and seeing where I can get my foot in the door. Its weird how things work out. When in NYC, I always seem to attract people in that industry. Wish me Luck.

Recently, I read a quote from Will Smith stating that him and Jada have always been in an open relationship. From day 1 of their marriage. He said that is what has kept their relationship strong and sexy. Its still a very taboo subject, but I have to say I understand and agree with that way of thinking. Although we like to think of ourselves as being conservatives and with morals...we still are animals. Lets not forget that in this day and age we still slaughter and consume other animals. We will pretty much eat anything! So why are we so afraid of our sexual desires?

I understand that with all of these diseases going around, we shouldn't be promiscuous, but there are ways to keep it safe. I don't want to go too in depth with that..but its an option. If I ever date again, I will seriously consider it. Especially being gay. Men are cheaters..I don't care how good you think your man is..if he had the opportunity to cheat without getting caught, he will. It has nothing to do with love as much as it has to do with I believe to be our sexual instinct.

Who wants to date? lol jk

PS My good friend Edson, came to visit this weekend. We had a blast and went out for 4 nights in a row.

This doesnt even capture the fun we had. I damaged a Chandalier on Saturday night.

Don't ask. lol





Cheers!

Rock With Me

I thought I would share one of my favorite videos. It is no secret that I love Janet. She inspires the dancer in me and this video really brought me back to the clubs. It is highly overlooked but whenever it is played, people really react well to it. I tend to zone out and feel like I am in the video. Such a sexy and dark feeling..

This is another favorite that was highly overlooked as well. I tend to lose weight to this one:

NYC Pride '08

A lot of pictures were taken, but not with my camera. So, this is all I have for now. However, I wore 2 different outfits and there are plenty of beautiful people who are not represented in these 2 photo's. Although the 2 who count the most are in them: John and Brandon. I can always count on them to feel comfortable, loved and we always share some big laughter.

The day started off at a hole in the wall restaurant in the East side. We ate vegan red velvet cupcakes and I think I had some kind of Morrocan chicken wrap. After that, we hit up a party at the Gansevoort Hotel where we hid from the rain under table top umbrella's. From there we walked thru the Meat Packing District and chilled at Los Dados. After an hour of carrying on and drinking, we made our way to the much too crowded Pier at the end of Christopher street. I can't do that place during Pride anymore. Too many children and just too damn packed. If everybody in the ghetto was gay and they walked into the middle of the street...you would understand.

The night ended at a club called Hiro. I was there 2 years ago to see Esthero perform and the venue is gorgeous. I had a really good time there, I danced next to a cute porn star while exchanging glances (why do porn stars like me and why do they NEVER live in Boston??) all night and was hit on by a few people. Its nice to feel attractive. I also got to hang out with a very handsome guy...we made out. I know...very fast of me, but it was Pride. Oddly enough, I don't think we had any chemistry. I am very hot and cold like that..I either really like you or I am numb to you. Boo!

As usual, I didn't get to see everybody I wanted to see, but I will be back soon.

To sum it up...it was a good weekend. I will post other pics if I get my hands on them.

I want you..

..but I want you to want me too.

Just like I want you.

Just sayin'...

New things

I got rid of the Mistah ReD pics page because it just had a lot of pictures of me that I don't feel like sharing anymore. In its place, I started a new page that you can access by viewing my profile. It is titled Mike Milan in Pictures or you can go directly to it at http://mikemilanisakos.blogspot.com/. I will start going thru this blog and getting rid of some of the pics I can live without. Mainly the pics where I am showing too much skin. I will leave some...but a lot will go.

The pic I posted this week will be edited as well. UPDATE: it has been cropped.

Less is more.

Tacky of me, but too true..

Attention masculine bottom men; I am not competing with you, nor am I competing for you. Please stop all of the hating, because I don't want "your man." Stop thinking that your masculinity makes you a hot commodity in my eyes because it doesn't. I don't want you. I have no hang ups with my masculinity and I don't care if in your eyes, I am too fem for you.

Listen up, if you don't like me, I won't like you either. There is no need to throw your negative vibes my way because my jeans are tight. The very act of you being shady to me is you being what you think you are not...catty and bitchy aka having female traits aka just a step away from being fem. Don't confuse my manners for being interested in you..u make my vain ways seem small compared to ur inflated ego.

Fall back son...you're not my type. I stopped liking "thugs" when I left high school.

PS Your eyebrows are starting to grow back...u should do something about it.

Getting Ready

Since my class ended early this month, I have not been taking any pictures. My next class starts this Friday and I decided to take some pictures of myself to make sure I remembered how to use my manual options. This picture is all I am willing to share because the rest were for me to see how my body has changed in the last few weeks (and many were deleted..lol).

Not too bad, but I still have a long way to go before I really like what it all looks like.

I can't wait for the studio access.

Because emotions are real

I miss that feeling because i can still taste it
face to face with my arm across your body
you and i, we disappear into each other
I hold your hand and you protect my heart
time is so limited but it tends to stand still when we are together
a never ending symphony of fulfilled desires
you love me because I dedicate my purest actions to your existence
and I am fragile for your eyes only
Our life is outlined with priceless memories
and I raise a toast to our past, present and future
Because it is worth it


A song came on and it sparked some raw emotions. Nothing sad...it was all good. It reminded me of everytime I layed next to somebody and felt "that feeling.' It inspired me to write this piece. FYI: This is not for anybody in particular, just a celebration of the love and affection that I have experienced. Life is too short, but certain feelings can prolong the process..good and bad.

Desire VS Expectation

I was talking to one of my friends the other day, and we got into a good conversation about what I want out of a certain situation. Upon discussing different scenarios, a thought popped into my head: our desires are not the same as our expectations. Its a simple concept to grasp, and yet I think we are all a little guilty of letting our desires cloud our judgment. I know I am (guilty of such).

In the absence of employment, I seem to have quite a few desires. Some more materialistic while others are...well..personal. Lately, I have been a little out of character and somewhat needy with the people around me because I have pretty much run out of things to do and I am bored out of my mind. So bored, I may finally learn how to drive a damn car.

The only thing I want that I actually expect to get, is a job. Everything and everybody else..it will happen if it happens.

Sometimes I type too much..

..and then I take it back. Not because it wasn't true at the moment..but because I have so much time on my hands that I am putting too much of myself out there.

Hot!

This is what I look like in my house during this mini heatwave...



...Red dot and all! lol

Nina VS. Alf

With all of my time off I have decided to clean area's I have been too busy to reach. One of those area's is behind my PC. It is very dusty back there and just scary to look at. I also have an Alf stuffed animal on top of my monitor. Yes, Alf from Melmac. Anyhoo, I removed him and placed him near a big red Puma shopping bag. Somehow he ended up in the bag with his face sticking out.

Well, it has been about a week and Nina has been acting very strange. her eating habits have changed and she has been very nervous acting. Crying a lot and running back and forth. She has even lost some weight. So, today I decided to feel around her body to see if maybe she was in pain or something. Nothing. As far as eating, she still is a damn crumb snatcher, so I know she still has an appetite. Still, nothing. I was beginning to think that I have to bring her to the vet...which I can't really afford right now.

However, on one of her frantic runs, I heard her touch the big red Puma bag in the hallway only to see her dart back into the room. I looked into the hallway and noticed that Alf's face was looking back at me. No way...could this be it? The source of her paranoia and loss of interest in her food??? I had my roommate distract her while I removed Alf from the big red bag. Sure enough, she was back in the hallway. Only this time she almost jumped into the bag. She started searching around the bag and the hallway. She darted back in the room and looked very worried.

It was Alf! She was looking for him! Nina did not want to believe that he was gone so she became obsessed with the big red Puma shopping bag. I tried to put it in the pantry but she wouldn't stop stalking the door. So, we had to throw the bag out...in front of her!

Within minutes, Nina has finished a bowl of her dog food and has been crying less. It has been 2 days since she has eaten her food. Hopefully this is it...to think, she must have been tormented for a whole week. LOL

Awww..my baby girl!

It Happens

There is a disconnect going on right now, but one thing I have learned is that people are dispensable. It may seem like a very shady and hurtful thing to say, but it is true. People change all the time and sometimes we change to the point where we are no longer compatible with the people around us. It sucks when some of the most important people around you become a stagnant part of your life. Or worse...a bad influence. Not to mention when the shoe is on the other foot and you are stagnant and your influence is hurtful to the ones around you.

But it happens.

PS: the banner in the previous post is definitely NOT going to happen. It looks like a damn MySpace shrine. I will design something more tasteful in due time.

Possible Banner

Thanks for reading another installment of my sometimes overexposed life on blog.

I am still jobless. I applied at a few places but I have heard nothing back. There is something inside of me that doesn't want to be bothered with being employed. I think its called...laziness! ha! Seriously, I am enjoying this great weather and I have been out a lot. Since being laid off I have gained 4 pounds from going to the gym so much. I go to the gym almost everyday now and my body is changing pretty quick.

Anyhoo, I think I am ready for a banner. This designed was on the whim. I want a damn banner but after designing this mess..I am kind of not feeling myself all over it. Although it is my blog!!! lol

Any feedback or suggestions would be great.



Cheers!

Yeah, I said it.

Not having a job means that I talk 75% less then I have been accustomed to for the last 3 years. Weird but true. Everybody works all day and I am home to search for jobs online and clean. So when I speak to somebody, I turn into Chatty Kathy. Ugh. Its like word vomit. I can't seem to shut the fuck up. Other then that, I go to the gym often and stay longer then usual. I also have been spending waaay too much money on eating out.

My Beg. Photography class is finally over. I might not have mentioned that here, but I took an 8 week course and I went to class once a week for a few hours. It was very informative and I got some good stuff out of it. Not as much as I wanted, but the teacher was like super ADD...seriously. He is an older guy with over 30 years experience and I think he just knows way too much to teach. Not sure if that makes sense. It was just a lot to absorb. Anyhoo, I am taking one more class thru the summer. It will focus more on fashion photography and I am very excited.

Lets see, what else can I chat about...hmmm. I have somewhat of a crush on somebody. That's new..cuz you know, I don't like people like that. I snapped my fucking glasses today and I had to glue them back together because I cannot afford a new pair. Hot.

Lets see..what else. This may get me in trouble, but whatever..a friend and some loser broke up. There, I said it. In his defense, the loser is a nice guy, but who said losers can't be nice!?

I also deleted an acquaintence from my myapce friends list over a political debate. lol You know, I am not sensitive about that mess, but if I feel that you are being an asshole and trying to cover it with your political view...you kind of just made ur asshole-ness seem bigger. Umm..hello?

OK, let me get back to hell.

If Only...

I spoke to a good friend earlier about an ongoing issue she has been having with a "guy friend," and I gave her advice that I wished I would have given myself a long time ago:

"Closure is not a conversation."

After our talk, I started cleaning my kitchen like a crackhead and I was really thinking about what I had said to her...its a really deep statement.

For me, it means that no amount of words in any conversation can overpower the action of a situation. People can lie, embelish and totally skew things with words. This comes from being in situations with people who do not know how to verbally comunicate and or are liars. But little do they know that their actions end up giving them away. Its frustrating, I know, but sometimes people leave you no choice but to do it on your own.

Fuck it.

Carry On

It has been almost a week now and things are settling in. I have been so well rested and the days have been filled with eating out, movies, friends and faux coworkers. I also got a sweet pair of all white Supra Skytops and a Beetles t-shirt.

Its actually been a pretty good week despite being laid off. I do need a new job and I will start my search starting tonight or very early tomorrow. But either way it will all fall into place. I have been tempted to do some searches in NYC, but I am not going to let this force my hand. It would be easy to run out of here, but I want to take one more class this summer. Once I am done with that, I should have no reason to be here. Unless the new job I have pays me 10k more then what I was already making, then I will consider staying a little longer. But only because I would then have even more money to move. I seriously doubt I am going to get that much considering I am an art school dropout and students are graduating this month.

I have these mixed feelings about my free time because I am not sure how long it will last. Ideally, I would like to throw myself into my art and take many pictures, but I feel as soon as I put my resume out there..I might not be unemployed for long. But, as I stated before, it is May and students are graduating, so I may not want to wait too long or there may be no jobs available.

Well, I will do it all. I will look for a job, find one and do my art at the same time.

Im ADD like that.


My "Wife" Bory and I.