Here It Is

These are the pics (minus the last one) that I took this Saturday. I have been planning this shoot for close to 2 months now. It did not come out the way I wanted it to...but I am happy with the results. I wanted a pretty girl, distressed and drunk in the bathroom. Instead I got a pretty girl with vintage Chanel and Gatorade in a cocktail glass. LOL It proved to be much more difficult then I thought and there were some technical difficulties as well.

I must say that the people I worked with were absolutely wonderful. The subject herself, Erin, is a cowrker of mine, and she was great to work with. She is normally a Triple 5 Soul kinda gal and she comes to the office in baggy pants and sneakers everyday. It was nice to see her all dolled up. Another coworker of mine, Jess, was my assistant. She helped me with everything and did an awsome job with getting Erin's makeup done and she even made Erin's skirt poofy =)
I have a long way to go but at least I know this now. lol

The place is belongs to another friend of mine and the vintage Chanel pieces were from none other then Steph herself. Let's not forget her friendly neighbor, who provided the much needed help. My pics would not have come out like this without him. Thank you Aaron.

I have gotten some great feedback from many people, by both photographers and "regular" people. I got some good and some bad but all was good. One thing I did learn about criticism is that some people have no tact when giving it. Its important to understand that not everybody will be satisfied and some people think they can be rude with their comments. FYI: Being honast doesn't mean you have to be rude.

Anyhoo...I am sick as a dog because it is Alergy season! grrrrrr

Just a Little Bit

A lot of things have come to a point and my anxiety is a little high. I am on the verge of many things in my life right now. On the verge of a better paying position at my job, on the verge of verifying one of my passions as being a great career move and Im still saving to move. Quite a few big things going on at once. I have many obstacles as well, so I am really treading lightly so that I do not sabotage all of the opportunities that seem to be right around the corner.

My first planned photoshoot is this coming weekend and I am totally excited about it. I cannot stress enough the fact that I am a product of pop culture and damn proud of it too. I plan on using aesthetically pleasing people as subjects, however, Im not going for the hard plastic magazine look. I will have pics like that, because I want to be versatile as an artist, but I want to be known for taking pictures that are more then just pretty people looking...pretty. Im still new, so it will take some time before I can find my true direction in photography. I might change my mind and take pics of birds for all I know ;)

I of course will post those pics up here as soon as possible. Oh..and I will start a MySpace photo page as well.

I have reminded myself that I am a result of me searching for not only the person that I am now, but for the person that I want to be in the future. People can change...but they have to want it bad enough. I am the example.

Everybody cross your fingers, Mikey needs to move on. =)

To Date

I have been wanting to write this blog but I have been so tired and distracted. I went on a "non" date (sort of a date..but not as formal) this Sunday and it was ok. Very attractive guy, nice body, great fashion sense...super sweet and affectionate. We would cross the street and he would gently place his hand on my back and.... I was taken back a little. Who is this man treating me with respect? lol And like a lady as well! It wasn't bad..but it is something I prefer to do to somebody else.

I would like to say this man is like sex walking. Yes...if sex could walk..it would be him. Good lord...I want to put a hurting on this man. But...we play the same position if you know what I mean. He said he is willing to try something new..but I kinda dont believe him. He calls me when he says he is going to and if he doesn't he apologizes. Nice! I feel really weird because I am out of my comfort zone. I haven't dated in so long I am not sure what to do.

I am extremely affectionate and I love to have my hands all over who I am with..but is that too much right now? Of course it is! But...I have to get use to going at a different speed. The last time I entertained anybody in that kind of an intimate manner was my ex. That was close to 3 years in the making...so it cannot be the same. Bleh.

I dont want a relationship because I wasn't to move but Im just going to let it flow.

Experimenting

Im about to cut my hair because it is too long to keep down. It keeps waving up and I hate that shit. So before it actually turns into curls I decided its time for a haircut. So before that haircut I straightened it to see what it would look like. The pics do not capture the straightness of it. Everybody kept telling me my hair looks "asian." Yes it is that straight...but the pics are poor quality and makes it look a little poofy. Anyhoo..just wanted to share.

Its amazing how pictures make my eyebrows look smaller then they really are. Im sure ir doesnt help that I can lift them high..lol.

You Datin'?

After some further thinking, I am ready to date. Not ready for a relationship..but I think I should get into the dating scene before I turn into a weirdo. I haven't done this in close to 4 years now. Almost 3 years with one person and about one year getting over it while trying to find direction has added up pretty quick. Im kinda excited..Im willing to switch my standards up a bit for the sake of getting my feet wet.

Lets do it.

Go Mikey.

Excited and Scared.

Those are 2 very accurate words to describe my present state of mind. Since I can remember, I have always had dreams of being some kind of an artist. Singer, dancer, comic book illustrator, photographer, poet, song writer and graphic designer. These are all of the area’s I have not only displayed interest in, but I have actually done on small scales. I am very fortunate to have been able to do such things as choreograph hip hop dances, create characters etc. However, we have all heard of the person who is the Jack of all trades but inevitable master of none. That is me. I have been aware of this for many years and I have been struggling with myself to figure just what I want to do with myself. I have spent many nights pondering and even crying (yes..lol) at the fact that I know I have so much talent and yet I am wasting it with all of my own self sabotage. All of this self doubt and procrastination has gotten me nowhere.

My last relationship was unfortunately a victim of my own insecure state of mind. This is proof that if you are not a whole person, you cannot bring what is necessary to a successful relationship. I have said this before but I love to reiterate it because so many people fool themselves by believing if they are in a relationship with a great person they will all of a sudden be “great” themselves. Fools! Lol

Anyhoo, as of right now I have decided to reach back and take a talent I started to form (but stopped) and cultivate it into something that I can stay with. What is important to know about me is that I am a multitasker and I will never be satisfied with doing just one thing. But I have to pace myself and start somewhere. What good is it for me to start all of these projects and never finish them? So I am going with photography. As you may have read, I have my new camera and I am looking to buy a starter lighting kit. I am truly excited about this new direction and I have a lot of visions that I want to bring to life. You cannot learn how to be an artist because you are born one. But I need the technical prowess to pull this one off. Cross your fingers because Mikey is impatient! Ha!

I haven’t been this excited and passionate about something since I started college. I never finished college because I realized I was so self taught in some areas that I became bored and I also should have been a Graphic Design major as opposed to a Multimedia major. So I am an art school drop out. Sexy huh? =P So that is the excitement factor.

The fear factor comes from the fact that I need to move. I don’t want to move, I need to move. I am done with Boston. I am very unhappy here and I am not the most liked person among my peers and honestly I don’t give a fuck. I am not better then them, but I am on some different shit that just confuses them and makes them think I am on a high horse. Not at all, I am very humble and downright shy at times. I am still in touch with that light inside of me that aspires to be a person that I can love and be proud of. I want to love myself. They….well…not sure where they are..but I doubt when they were growing up they wanted to be bitter, jaded and hateful. Yeah I said it. Trust me, who you are, is in your actions not your words.

My choice of location is NY, which is no secret. I am scared because I am starting this photography stuff and trying to move at the same time. Both are very costly and I have bills to pay! I am not afraid of the competition in NY nor am I afraid of not succeeding because those are not options. I am determined but am filled with fear because I have a love hate thing for change. A lot of it has to do with age too. Which is something I really need to let go. I feel like I should have done this a long time ago but I got caught up in being lost and trying to live a married life (not blaming this on my ex or the relationship!).

As you can see, I have much on my mind.

On a completely different note..I am going to see Amy Winehouse! yay!!!

Another Entry For You.

Silence is a very loud attack. You may think that constantly refraining from sharing your feelings is ok because "nothing" is being said. But the real truth comes from your actions and maybe..just maybe..if you could stop calling other people selfish you will see that your acts of "silence" are just that: Selfish. Your feelings in regard to a topic that clearly hurts somebody else is not something you keep to yourself without blindsiding and eventually hurting the next person.

go and run away from me and anything I say that takes you out of your fraudulent comfort zone. you think that by stringing me along that you are in some kind of safe zone because you have never known a person with such pure emotion and love for you. well love isn't enough. remember that saying?

you dont love me.

therefore my love runs very shallow for you.

you will feel it when you are thirsty.

this is your novel.

Hopeful

I got my first review at my job today. I have been here for 2 years now but I was a temp for the first year. My review was pretty impressive. I was basically told that I have pretty much exceeded my position and that I should start looking for another position within the company that will challenge and pay me more. It feels good to be recognized. I show up to work everyday and bang out all of my projects. I have done close to everything possible and I have done it all well while multitasking.

So my supervisor is going to help me move up in the company, which makes me happier to go to work everyday. For a while I was getting slow at work because I was just so unchallenged and straight up bored. This is a great step in the right direction.

I bought that fuckin camera! It cost me A LOT of money but dammit!!! This is only going to help me. I have some ideas for projects lined up and I am so stoked! My motivation right now is "unconventional beauty." We are so trained to see why models are gorgeous: conventional good looks. You cant deny it. Tall, thin and beautifully structured faces are attractive. You may not want to date it..but you cant call somebody like Versace model ugly. However there is a certain beauty that we can find in somebody totally unconventional. We just don't notice it..because it is different. This is what I want to showcase. This blog will be blessed with my work once it happens.

I have a new musical obsession: Amy Winehouse. I usually don't care for artists from overseas who try to tackle American soul/R&B music. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. However, Ms. Winehouse is the real deal. Im not even going to do a bio because you will be hearing about her soon if you haven't already.

"We only said good-bye with words

I died a hundred times

You go back to her

And I go back to.....I go back to us"



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPajJXYwMKA

Amy Winehouse - Back to Black, In stores Tuesday, March 13th. Consider it a musical investment.

Im Bi

Ha! Or not. Check it out, I peeped this on another blog and thought I would follow suit.
Feel free to share your results.

http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/G/gayometer/gayometer.html

Hmmm...I thought I would be like 80% gay.

Enjoy.

If You Love Mikey...

You will help me buy this camera. lol
Canon Powershot S3 is my new obsession. I see it as being a great transition camera from point and click, to an SLR (a "pro" camera).



It takes videos and you can detach the lens and use a different one. Nice.

Fashion, Update and Strep.

My online friends may not know this(because I am nekkid everywhere), but I am heavily into clothes and fashion. I am not the type to follow trends and go with what is in this season. Not at all. If anything I want something from last season, this season and whatever "Mikey" fashion staple I have around me. I love to mix fashion up. What we wear should be a statement about our character. It may not be what we are on the surface..but how we want to be portrayed and or how we are in our minds. It is many things..but one thing is for sure...our style comes from within.

I am a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy. I have all different kinds of Black T's and distressed looking jeans. I tend to blend those with busy sneakers and whatever accessory works for the moment. This year I am looking for a more expensive look. How I am going to achieve that is beyond me. lol I am broke and I plan on making a big move. But somehow someway I will get what I want. I am determined. Grrrrr

An update on my previous blog:

I finally spoke to the person that brought all of the chit chatter to my attention and he clarified a lot of things. Things aren't as bad as they seemed. This is a lesson I have learned before but that I preach about all the time: "If you give people part of the story..they will make up the rest." Its not fair on both ends. So if you have something to say, say it right and don't hold back.

Also, I was pre-diagnosed with Mono on Tuesday. Yes, MONO. Who the hell gets that anyways?? Apparently somebody like me. I fell ill at work and went to my doctor where he did a Strep test that came back neg. So he then continued to take ALL of my blood for the mono test. I came home and did all this research and was completely devested at what I read. Look it up...its not cute. So yeah, the doctor then gives me a call the following day and says that I came out neg. for mono and pos for Strep. Oddly enough that was the best news I could hear at that moment. I actually prayed for some kind of miracle and cried myself to sleep the night before(poor Nina!), so I feel like my prayers were answered.

Now all I need is for somebody to bring me some damn soup!

Still Going.

Things are at a small breaking point. Now that my birthday has passed I am making the right moves to get my finances in check. I am in debt but not by much. However, I need as much as I can get if I want to move this year. Its coming together slowly but surely...baby steps!

It has come to my attention that some of the people that I enjoy surrounding myself with may or may not be saying some not so nice things about me. Don't you hate that? The one person who brought it up decided to conveniently make himself totally unavailable. Therefore I have no details on who said what and exactly why. I could go to the parties that are involved but that might make me look a little tacky and desperate..so I will keep my mouth shut and refrain from interacting with these people. Not sure if that is the best thing to do but that is how I react to negativity. I walk away and press on.

Honestly..it is confusing to me..but I have no control over these things. I am myself and that's all I have to offer. If people have words to say behind my back I see that as them having a problem. If you have a problem...be a man and say what's on ur mind. If that's not how u deal with things..thats fine. I am not offended...but I don't want to be around that kind of a person(people).

I have a lot to say on this subject but really...who cares? And why make myself sound like a victim?

I'm just fine.

Birthday Party Pics

Feb 15th was my birthday but Feb 17th was the celebration for it. My dear friend Stephanie (aka my other big sister) came up with the idea to have a party. It worked and I along with everybody else had a great time. Here are some pics:

Thank you to everybody who showed up (not everybody is pictured). There was a little over 40 people throughout the night and it was drama free with plenty to drink. There was nothing but smiles, laughter and memorable moments. Thanks to it being my party (making it not kosher to be the usual drunk I am) there were less scandals. Ha!

Love ya!

Mikey

Happy Valentine's Day

Good Mourning - India Arie

Good mourning silence, good mourning to myself
Good mourning to the pain in the center of my chest
It's crazy how much I miss A simple good mourning kiss
Good mourning independence or is it loneliness
I know I said I wanted this but I have regrets
I prayed for God's will to be done
The very next day you were gone
Good mourning to the harsh realities of life
And good mourning to the fact we're not husband and "wife"
We made a promise to stay
But destiny got in the way
Good mourning Good mourning acceptance, good mourning inner strength
I'm loving every moment even the strain
It's crazy how much I miss
A simple good mourning kiss
It's crazy how much I've missed
Now it's time for me to live
Good mourning Good mourning optimism good mourning to my faith
Good mourning to the beginning of a brand new day
I know that God's Will will be done
So I lay down my pain and I'm moving on
I know that God's Will will be done
So it's a good morning after all

This song along with "In God's Hands," by Nelly Furtado and India.Arie's cover to Don Henleys "Heart of the Matter," helped me get to this day. I have to say that I am doing great compared to this time last year. Thankfully, I am no longer that person: http://redreport.blogspot.com/2006/02/dear-valentine.html

I love you all and on this Valentine's Day I hope you find love within yourself.

Mikey

Real Mary fans know..

..that when Mary cries...you cry.



This Grammy Performance (along with her first win onstage) had me holding back my tears. I love Mary like she is family. I have watched her grow and I have grown with her. No matter how happy Mary gets, we will always see the pain on her face that she had to endure. And oddly enough it looks great.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsNH2q2qDmM

I love you Mary.

Slow

I have been meaning to post for quite some time now but I have been lazy. Since I am not only single, but refraining from partying and hanging out, I have been spending too much time online. Not only that, but I have a Sidekick phone that keeps me connected when I am out. Its such an odd cycle that I have fallen into. I have so much to type about that I have been holding in..but as usual, when the moment passes I let it go and move onto the next.

My Birthday is this week (feb 15th) and I will be 28 years old. Madness! Now more and more I see how much time I have to catch up on. Its weird because I see Britney Spears doing all of that shit to herself and being this huge mess...but I really sympathize with that woman. She really has been thru a lot and is just doing all of the wrong things because she is so lost in her emotions that she can't see past her pain. That was me last year. Of course on a much smaller scale. I am better now. However, it takes more then just a new year to change everything. It takes time.

Not only does it take time, but it takes a lot of inner strength. As I played thru 2006, I didn't fully grasp how much I would be paying for it in 2007. I put myself in this party state of mind that had me out at least 3 nights a week, drunk, spending too much on clothes (sneakers!) and traveling. I keep reminding myself that it takes baby steps to progress. Its because of this state of mind that I believe that people can change. I have so much faith in myself..I know I can change...I just have to focus.

Valentine's Day is coming up and for obvious reasons I cannot wait for it to come and go. Around this time I can't help but to think of my ex and how this is the time last year (today to be exact) that we broke up. And of course I remind myself that it takes time. It really does...somtimes I cant tell if Im still waiting.

On a random note I am sporting a small hicky on my neck. lol Not something I like but it was worth it.

=)

Complain.

Im kinda down right now. I wish I was not in this position but these are the cards that have been dealt to me. I want to be out of Boston so bad. Now that I am not a drunk and Im not clubbing 3 days a week I can once again see what is around me. After the New Years fiasco I felt it would be best for me to just lay low and take care of myself. It has been difficult because I really do miss going out and being hammered, but what good is that going to do me? I don't want to get away from my problems, I want to solve them.

I read somebody's blog about letting go of people who do not want to be held. It was specific to relationships but I can see how it would apply to all relationships. Friends, family and lovers. If you can see that somebody no longer needs or wants you around...why stay? Easier said then done but I think we should all embrace the power of letting go. Good-bye's open up the doors to new things.

I have so much going thru my head right now...I just don't feel like typing it out. I went to 2 clubs 2nite and it brought me down. lol I wanted a drink!! Maybe that's what it was....ugh.

I need inspiration.

Because We Look Cute

About 2 months ago at Raul's Hawaiian Themed party.

Mashups/Bootlegs

I recomend everybody go to this website and check out these hot mashups. Cobraeater is one of my favorites. I made a cd cover for it so it pops up whenever my media player plays it.

http://www.bass211.com/Bass211Podcast/index.html

Yummy.

Single

February 11th will mark me being single for a year. No dating either. Some flirting and a few sex romps but nothing serious at all. I keep saying that I want to date and that I am ready to meet somebody new bla bla bla. But I dont think that is the case. I am lonely and miss just laying down next to somebody I care for and randomly slow dancing ...but I have too much to accomplish this year. Being with somebody will just slow me down and I can't afford to be distracted again.

I have already slowed down the partying and I havent had a "drink" since New Years. I can do without it and it feels great to come home and not be drunk while putting my key in the door. I know it hasnt been a lot of time (only 3 weeks) since I dropped the partying and drinking, but I cannot imagine being like that anymore. However, I do NOT frown upon it! I just can't fit that into my life right at this time. Now I have to work on sleeping early on the days that I would normally go out.

My bday is coming up (Feb 15th) and I am excited for it to come and go. For the last few years my bday has been...well...not so good. Lets just leave it at that. So I am trying to plan something and maybe throw a party...maybe just a get together somewhere..I have no idea..I just want to celebrate. One of my friends told me that my year seems to not officially start until my bday because something life changing usually happens on it that forces me to switch everything up.

So I look forward to this new "New Year" coming up.

On a random note: This is a pic that is on the Krash website (krashnyc.com). This was a very good night and I look forward to seeing my NY friends again. I miss ya'll so much!


8-19-06

In God's Hands

I bought 29 CD's last year because I bought like 2 the year before. Not only did I buy up all of the sneakers but I bought up all of the damn music too! I am a HUGE music fanatic and have a lot of knowledge about inside stuff. Its such a passion. Im like amusic stalking whore. For real. At some point I hope to make a few tacky 80's inspired songs of my own...before I die. Please.

So yes, I would like to hi-lite one CD in particular: Nelly Furtado's "Loose." That album got me thru my whole year. It spoke volumes to me. I was in such a hard place all year and yet "Loose" not only helped me escape my fears with all of its infectious dance tracks, it helped drain a lot of my tears with ONE track. Yes ONE track that summed up my failed relationship. "In God's Hands" has to be one of the best songs I have ever heard. Its not a masterpiece...its raw. If you have ever been in a relationship with somebody that you genuinely love during and after it has ended...and would want it back...this is the song for you. Can't express how I never let go of that light no matter how dark it got.

I love it to pieces and still play that song along with the entire album..over and over and over again.

Just wanted to share that.

Another Happy Belated Birthday...

..to Aaliyah Dana Haughton. Born January 16, 1979.



She would have been 27 this year but instead she is timeless.

The song titles "One In A Million" and "More Then A Woman" couldn't describe her any better. It always takes an artist like Aaliyah to start a new sound for a genre of music. Never was she a huge star like Beyonce or Britney Spears, but she helped change the sound of R&B before they came out. One In A Million marked the explosian of double beats in R&B music that had some radio DJ's scratching their heads with the fact that they had a hot track....but didn't know how to mix it in with the "other" music they had. Good music always prevails one way or another and tracks like "4 Page Letter," "Hot Like Fire" and of course "One In A Million" changed the direction of black music forever. How did this happen? This was the official unveiling of Timbaland and Missy's off the hook sound (that everybody wanted AFTERwards).

While first getting their feet wet with Jodeci, the duo created a different sound that landed in Aaliyah's lap. Had it been another R&B star this might not have happened. However she wanted a change from her first album and took a chance. That chance paid off and One In A Million is a bonafide classic and must have for your R&B collection. She was on her way to being a big star but unfortunately she passed away and left many of us with feelings of "what could have happened next?" But for me what was supposed to happen already happened. Anybody can be a big star with the right gimmick or right talent at the right time....but can we all change something as big as music?

Thank you Aaliyah for taking a chance.

Catch Me

I am also on MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/redmilan

So I'm Fuckable

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Blackout

So after 5 shots of Tequilla and various other Vodka related drinks...I blacked out. Which I had no idea I had blacked out until my friends told me the things I did. Here is what I kkind of remember:

















I will post more later today. lol

Im Still Here

It's 2007 and I am still here. Still here meaning I made it thru and I am going to keep going. I decided that my New Years Resolution would be to focus. I am not going to set myself up for dissapointment anymore by saying shit like "Im going to learn how to drive this year!" or "I am going to move out of Boston this year!" I cant do that anymore. Its like a set up for failure. Instead I am just going to focus on the cards that I have in front of me and take it day by day. That is all I can do.

Yes I still want to get the fuck out of Boston and yes I would still like to learn how to drive. But it will happen if it is meant to be. I would also like to start dating again but it is so hard to do that here. It is some slim fucking pickings man! For real. Something always got to be wrong. The men here are either trying to get me to mess with them on the side while they have a man at home or they are trying to make me their "lady." Im not a bottom fellas (unless u give it up first =P). Stop.

I also learned a huge lesson in regards to the ex at the very end of December. We fell into this situation where we were spending way too much time on each other and having sex quite often. Come to find out he was not as single as he said he was. Such a mess. I know I have professed my love for him on this blog many times but if he fell off the face of the earth I couldnt be any happier.

Enough about that mess. So yes...It's me. All me. Still here.

I will post quite a few of New Year party pics sometime this week.

Smile =)